Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

JoelFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 599
Location: In a nerotypical world.

09 Oct 2014, 8:58 am

Please note: This message is not to be turned into a political debate or to say view point A is better the view point B

Morning Gang,

I'm sorta in a dilemma here as some of you know I know somebody whom I term is an acquaintance not necessarily a friend but somebody to hang with.

I for the sake of not being lonely for the sake of having someone to talk with I have dealt with hearing bigotry hearing stuff being said about our president that would prob get a person locked up if said around govt officials. I think things have came to a head a few days ago I was called to meet this person at a local restaurant which I did reluctantly (it was kinda late for me) while things at first were ok He saw another conservative spouting his views about the US and the world and invited him to our table while I we were eating he introduced us and started to talk about politics and in mid conversation he pointed to me and said He's a liberal he doesn't know any better to somebody we've never saw or met before.

While it's true I tend to be more left leaning in different areas when it comes to politics I normally tend to keep politics to my self unless asked. However I felt like I was being outted and that because my views were different from his and the person we've just met that I somehow didn't matter or that I didn't have enough intellect to hold a conversation about such issues.

Ya know I get it I get the fact that I am in the south where by tradition it is conservative I also know the fact that some southerners are not happy that a dem was elected in office by the people let alone that that dem also happened to be black.

But I didn't care for the fact that he made me look and feel like a yutz for having a different view I have talked with other conservatives as well as other libs for the most part there was an understanding of respect we may not share the same views but we respected each other's right to share said views.

I am to the point now where I don't want to hang out with this person not because he has a different POV but because of his attitude towards me.

What is worse here guys is that I didn't really pick up on what he said until I left the restaurant and it sinked in.

I'm thinking it's time I parted ways with this person...Need advice

Thanks~


_________________
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." ~ Billy Joel


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

09 Oct 2014, 9:31 am

While I totally understand that feeling lonely and wanting and needing to have at least an acquaintance to get to hang out with and talk to is a very basic and understandable need, at the same time, that person or people still do optimally have to have enough in common with you and your beliefs that they don't put you down and make you feel unaccepted and "bad" for having different beliefs to them.

Or, on another level, even if they DO have different beliefs, they should accept that you don't share their view and then keep that out of the conversation. If this person so vehemently hates what you believe, that they can't keep from berating and insulting you for it, that's never a good thing. Our friends and acquaintances should be people we feel joy and relaxation in hanging out with, not put down, insulted and made to feel unacceptable.

I know you need this person as someone to hang out with, but if he's causing you to feel lousy about yourself and your beliefs, that's a no-no. It's better to be alone than to stick around someone who attacks you for things you hold dear.

I would suggest just not hanging out anymore with this guy. Let him drift away or if you want to, tell him you just aren't interested in the political debates anymore.


_________________
~ ~ ~

If you have a problem with something I post, something I believe, something I do or say, something in my sig, or something I am stupid enough to share that I'm struggling with and being caused pain by -- TELL ME TO MY FACE so that I can defend myself, instead of see you make a mockery of or a dig about it later.

On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

ASD Level 1, PTSD. Plus anxiety with panic attacks, mild sub-clinical situational depression -- and a massive case of sheer freakin' BURNOUT.

~ ~ ~


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,045
Location: my own little world

09 Oct 2014, 9:41 am

Yeah, If you are not comfortable with this person and he is causing you struggle and stress for any reason than you should not hang out with him. It's not worth the stress on your part. If you like someone and something he does or believes in makes you struggle you should mention it. If he continues to make you struggle with it with no regard to how you feel than you might be better off no longer hanging out with him.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 73,424
Location: Queens, NYC

09 Oct 2014, 9:55 am

The guy embarassed you in public; you don't need to hang out with these type of people.

He sounds like one of those whom some call "wingnuts."

I'd seek out new friends, if I were you.



JoelFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 599
Location: In a nerotypical world.

09 Oct 2014, 11:04 am

Thanks guys I thought maybe I was over reading it but I don't want to be called out every time a political conversation comes up I 'm not into politics if I were I'd be on CNN or MSNBC.

Also now, This person is also dismissive on the fact that I have Autism he's stand-by reply to that is "oh cut it out you don't have Autism, I have seen those kids they CAN'T TALK or do anything THAT'S Autism." I've tired telling him it's a spectrum disorder to the most severe to high functioning and that he's only seeing one side of the picture. However I just tended to blow that off as being a misinformed NT.

I know this is a great contradiction but I'm happy being by my self but yet I want to have a "friend" (I don't even know what that definition means anymore) that maybe I could kill an hour or two with where I wont have to cringe or walk on egg shells when talking with the person. But I know that's not really going to happen because no matter how I try I am inept in social situations so I settle for such people because I can't do any better.

Oh well.. At least there's Billy Joel's music which "Will make the empty hours easier to stand".


_________________
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." ~ Billy Joel


Last edited by JoelFan on 09 Oct 2014, 11:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 73,424
Location: Queens, NYC

09 Oct 2014, 11:09 am

LOL....Only a New Yorker would use the word "yutz."



JoelFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 599
Location: In a nerotypical world.

09 Oct 2014, 11:14 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
LOL....Only a New Yorker would use the word "yutz."


Or an Ex from Jersey :wink:


_________________
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." ~ Billy Joel


dilanger
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

09 Oct 2014, 11:55 am

This sounds like my group of friends


My best friend is conservative and he makes fun of his left leaning friends with playful sarcasm.

Him pointing at you and putting you on the spot in front of strangers is rude. He also wanted you to flare up and make an opinion. When put on the spot like that he can for get it! I do not like that.



emtyeye
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,419
Location: Inner space

09 Oct 2014, 2:56 pm

I don't know you, but I know you deserve better.



JoelFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 599
Location: In a nerotypical world.

09 Oct 2014, 3:46 pm

emtyeye wrote:
I don't know you, but I know you deserve better.


Thanks,
I wish I could find better friends I wish I could find somebody close to my age whom is an die hard fan of Billy's and just talk about things that is not about politics or how "some people" should be killed needs to be killed off.


Deep inside of me I wish he would make those comments to somebody with the FBI or Secret Service whom is undercover. Freedom of speech is one thing but I don't think overt death threats are covered.


_________________
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." ~ Billy Joel


dianthus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,138

09 Oct 2014, 4:55 pm

Politics aside, this guy is a very rude person.

First off I would be wary if a person like that was calling me up to go somewhere spur of the moment without considering how late it is. I would only go along with that for someone I really like and really want to spend time with.

Second, if I'm going out with some reluctance, I expect them to understand my hesitations (that it's really late for me, I don't want to discuss politics, whatever), and make it comfortable for me and worth my while to go out.

Third, after dragging me out the house at this late hour, this person is apparently not fully satisfied with my company, and invites some random, loudmouthed person I don't know over to our table??? Uh, hold on, this is not cool.

Fourth, to make it worse, we haven't yet finished our meal. A meal should never be interrupted by such an intrusion.

Fifth, he proceeds to strike up a conversation with this other person about an interest they happen to share, which he knows very well will put me at odds with their views and/or exclude me from the conversation? Uh, NO.

Sixth, after barely having been introduced to this new person, who knows little or nothing about me...he distills his knowledge of me down to a single label with an attached put down? NOOOO

Seventh, the comment further seals my position as the odd man out in the conversation, and makes it seem that they are ganging up on me and/or challenging me to defend my position.

Eighth, this comment reveals something about me that I did not want to share or discuss at that time, without any regard for my privacy.

Ninth, this person does not show much respect in general for having a different perspective. He's dismissive of anything he doesn't already agree with. That's going to affect every conversation you have with him, not just the ones about politics or autism.

Tenth, to take it a step further, it sounds like he enjoys baiting people who have different views and putting them on the spot in an uncomfortable way.

I would just politely distance myself from him. You don't need this. You can find someone else to hang out with.