I have always get very upset if something like this happens

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Summer_Twilight
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04 Jul 2020, 10:50 am

I will admit that one of my weaknesses is having trouble whenever friends and I plan on getting together and particularly during any holiday, however, whether it be family or significant others who make last-minute plans, my friends end up having to let me down. I often get very upset because I feel jealous of their friends and family members.

I think I know why -
1. I am not close with my family and it hurts - my family
2. I am single and though I have come to terms with it, things like holidays are when it's hard sometimes

I realize it's not the fault of my friends because I realize that family and significant others always come first. So what can I do to accept that?



Mountain Goat
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04 Jul 2020, 4:07 pm

I don't know what is best to do about it.

I can identify with the dificulties you face. I gave up making plans in general, as other people tend to plan things involving me without letting me know.... Soo stressful as I need to plan ahead in my mind to prepare myself.
It is not that I can't adjust, but I try my best to avoid sudden changes I had not expected as they can trigger partial shutdowns which can form into shutdowns.

I hope that you can plan and others will fit into that plan.

Lately I find I forget plans. Example, someone says something and when the time comes I have completely forgotton about it. I think it was due to stress where I can get forgetfull.


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Summer_Twilight
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04 Jul 2020, 11:05 pm

I have snapped and blown up at my friends who let me down because I was looking forward to spending time with them. It especially is a hot button of mine if

1. We make plans and I go out and end up buying food for the occasion
2.If there was a change in plans, but they wait until the last minute
3. If there is routine change whenever we have done things together during certain events or times of the year and especially if I am close to them.

An example of number 3

About 10 years ago, I had a huge 4th of July party, Murphy's law seemed to crash the party. Of the things that went wrong, a former friend of mine was engaged and she had been staying with her fiancee for the weekend. I ended up getting mad at her over a few things during the party. One of them was choosing to be with him over going with us to see the firework display with the group. It upset me because we had done the fireworks in the past together. Though it felt good to get mad, I don't want to burn bridges with other friends when they choose others over me.



starkid
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05 Jul 2020, 11:08 pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you feel. Even if your friends value their plans with family and significant others more than they value their friendship, cancelling plans with friends often is disrespectful.

If this happens only occasionally, and it happens because important events come up, then I think what they are doing is ok. But if your friends have often cancelled their plans with you (especially at the last minute) just to do something minor with family/S.O.'s (like go to the movies or a fast food restaurant), I'd complain to them and ask them to stop and to plan their activities more carefully to avoid wasting your time and energy.



Summer_Twilight
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06 Jul 2020, 9:25 am

An example:

Over the weekend, I was planning on getting together with two friends are on the spectrum. One of them still lives with his mom. He is a wonderful friend as he is reliable. His mom originally said he could come but then changed her mind a few days earlier as she wanted him to have a small family cookout at home. However, she told me a few days before and he didn't text me until the day of. It upset me and told him "You broke your promise." The other reason is that I went out and bought some cupcakes since his birthday was a week prior. However, he apologized for doing that and we made other plans. In the meantime, I just spend the afternoon and evening with my other friend.

Now in terms of people seemed to think that other people and situations - I will go back to my ex-friend and another stunt that she pulled.

She bailed on me by breaking her promise to me and stabbing me in the back. I had a housewarming party a few months before the 4th of July party. She originally said she was going to help me set it up. However, she looked at wedding dresses and also come late with her fiancee and another friend of ours. They only stayed for an hour and snuck out. When I confronted her "Well my fiancee wanted to leave and I needed to pay my dad back for my dress. I also needed to be with my fiancee because we had a fight this week." :roll:

In fact, our friendship started going down as she showed the correct colors of a fake friend who is selfish and self-centered.