NT friend hit me, is violent towards me hit me in my ribs

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Stimshieme
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06 Jun 2008, 1:09 pm

There is this friend in my year and whenever we are alone he treats me with respect and tells me his "secrets".

And then today I saw finally realised what he was like. A couple of months ago in my circle of friends I made a joke and he just stared at me, looking awkward. The others laughed but when they saw him they shut up and did the exact same thing he did. I felt out of place. Then he started making fun of me and laughing as loud as possible. This time my cirlce of friends laughed at the joke but it died immendiatley while he was cracking himself. Then today in class I was going to sit near my friends and he elbowed me right in the rib cage. Hard. Tears came to eyes and I did the same back and he ribbed me again and was smiling but not looking at me. As if he were proud. When the teacher caught him he looked at me and struck my head with a slap and threw my hat on the other side of the room. It was very painful. He still was smiling. And then I confronted him and he said "Calm down it was only a chair". I was more civil that him and at first I thought it was an accident but he's been hitting me every time I get the better of him. It's really very painful.

This guy has a history of attitude problems. He once got rejected by a girl he LOVED, she didn't like him. He asked her 5 times to the prom. He was rejected again. And then when he found out that my other friend had gotten together with that girl he loved he ceased friendship with him. And relied on me for support. Of course now I can tell this "friend" secrets to everyone. But I won't, not yet. He's been getting really violent with me lately pushing me in class for seats, elbowing me and hitting me.

What can I do? He follows me about sometimes and asks if I can go with him at lunch. He asks me to skip class with him to hang out. I am not his b***h. This guy is a loser, he dropped nearly every subject he had had last year. This is my final year at high school. I am glad he got rejected. However he sits beside me in a couple of classes and thinks I like him.

How do I get revenge back? Previous revenge plans have not worked so well. It increased bullying when I was 10. I am autistic and he knows this, although he has probably forgotten. I hate him and today my hate is evolving. This lunchtime I wrote a 7 page essay on our history of friendship and I found that we have nothing in common and yet he relies on me, is violent towards me. I'm a straight A student. This year I want 5 A-levels. He's dragging me behind. Ignoring him doesn't work.

Revenge is not my character. I know this. It isn't bullying. I can stand up for myself and fight. It's juct getting irritating. I've known him for years. Only in high school.



zghost
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06 Jun 2008, 1:16 pm

Revenge is a waste of your time. Besides, it will only make him think you care. Ignoring him will hurt him much worse. Just keep avoiding, ignoring, whatever, eventually he'll go away.



Stimshieme
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06 Jun 2008, 1:19 pm

zghost wrote:
Revenge is a waste of your time. Besides, it will only make him think you care. Ignoring him will hurt him much worse. Just keep avoiding, ignoring, whatever, eventually he'll go away.


You don't realise he's like that guy from Back to the Future you know "Biff" except this one is more cruel and sly. I am so confused. I'm still extending that essay I wrote this lunchtime as school. This guy needs a mother I am NOT one nor am I his b***h but he treats me like this.



tharn
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06 Jun 2008, 1:24 pm

Stimshieme wrote:
There is this friend in my year and whenever we are alone he treats me with respect and tells me his "secrets".

And then today I saw finally realised what he was like. A couple of months ago in my circle of friends I made a joke and he just stared at me, looking awkward. The others laughed but when they saw him they shut up and did the exact same thing he did. I felt out of place. Then he started making fun of me and laughing as loud as possible. This time my cirlce of friends laughed at the joke but it died immendiatley while he was cracking himself. Then today in class I was going to sit near my friends and he elbowed me right in the rib cage. Hard. Tears came to eyes and I did the same back and he ribbed me again and was smiling but not looking at me. As if he were proud. When the teacher caught him he looked at me and struck my head with a slap and threw my hat on the other side of the room. It was very painful. He still was smiling. And then I confronted him and he said "Calm down it was only a chair". I was more civil that him and at first I thought it was an accident but he's been hitting me every time I get the better of him. It's really very painful.

This guy has a history of attitude problems. He once got rejected by a girl he LOVED, she didn't like him. He asked her 5 times to the prom. He was rejected again. And then when he found out that my other friend had gotten together with that girl he loved he ceased friendship with him. And relied on me for support. Of course now I can tell this "friend" secrets to everyone. But I won't, not yet. He's been getting really violent with me lately pushing me in class for seats, elbowing me and hitting me.

What can I do? He follows me about sometimes and asks if I can go with him at lunch. He asks me to skip class with him to hang out. I am not his b***h. This guy is a loser, he dropped nearly every subject he had had last year. This is my final year at high school. I am glad he got rejected. However he sits beside me in a couple of classes and thinks I like him.

How do I get revenge back. Previous revenge plans have not worked so well. It increased bullying when I was 10. I am autistic and he knows this, although he has probably forgotten. I hate him and today my hate is evolving. This lunchtime I wrote 7 pages on our history of friendship and I found that we have nothing in common and yet he relies on me. I'm a straight A student. This year I want 5 A-levels. He's dragging me behind. Ignoring him doesn't work.


It's primarily an NT thing, in my experience. It's a case of big monkey smack little monkey - little monkey smack littler monkey. You have become the littler monkey. Not only that, it sounds like he's keeping you around for the sole purpose of BEING the littler monkey. In wolf packs, I think this is called the "omega" wolf - the wolf that's tolerated only for the sole purpose of being crapped on. What keeps an omega wolf in the pack? The advantages of being on the lowest rung of the social ladder are better than starving to death on his own. But you're human - and possibly Autistic - what need could you have for being the omega?

If you want to try to salvage the relationship, confront him and see if he snaps out of it - though that has its own dangers. Otherwise, don't waste your time with revenge. He'll hit back yet again - and if there's one thing I know from experience - nobody doles out senseless pain like an NT can. Don't waste your time with garbage.

In any case, it sounds like you're going to a far better place anyway. Find someone else to hang out with, graduate, and leave this guy's sorry butt behind. Think about what sort of future he probably has to look forward to given his performance! The best revenge you can get is to continue on and be successful while he finds a part time job flipping burgers until he's 60. If you MUST twist the knife in his ribs, call him when you graduate college and see what he's been up to.



Stimshieme
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06 Jun 2008, 1:27 pm

Oh I love your plan!I don't want to be the littler monkey. I have two good friends in the pack and I spend most of my time alone not with the friends circle mostly in the library doing work for my free periods. But this guy is really needy. I have studied psychology and he wants to feel empowered however there is no way of solving this. Once he punched me in the chest. At another he followed me and tried to hit my "area". This is sick.



MissConstrue
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06 Jun 2008, 1:53 pm

He doesn't sound like a friend to me. I had some "fair weathered" friends who wanted me to hang out with them and I also felt connected to a few. But the bossing around is when I stopped hanging out with them. I think it's a peking order or something. Whoever is the "nicest" will do anything for you. It's kind of like forming labels on people and treating them as if they were those labels. I never understood this myself except of course some of the jokes about others to keep the attention or focus off of me. Now I try to stand up to some people that do it.

So, he may not be the true friend that you thought he was. It sounds like it's form of controlling and using. That doesn't mean everyone is like this. I think in terms of peer groups, loyalty to a friend is harder to come by when a friend is busy trying to please or show off for the rest of the circle of "fair weathered" friends.

As for the hitting, if he doesn't respect the fact that you don't like it, then another reason not be around him. I will normally see guys hitting eachother on the head as a form of playfulness. So it's quite common except it sounds like he's also beating you up.

You might want to bring this topic up to him and ask what the problem is. But judging from the post, it doesn't sound like a good idea. Cliche and people hate to do it but the best revenge is ignoring it until it goes away or in your case if it continues, report him and be adamant about it. I know most people espeacially guys don't like to do this b/c it's almost like a form of humiliation and weakness. Regardless, I think it's the most affirmative action.

I don't know any other ways of getting away from someone like that. Revenge is more like a pinball game and they're seeking that reaction from you. You'll find at times it just goes on and on. Even though it's the so-called normal and cool thing to do.


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serenity
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06 Jun 2008, 3:08 pm

Stimshieme, I used to have a guy friend in highschool that treated me the way this guy is treating you. Any guy that slides in slaps, kicks, and punches at a female ( your profile said that you're a female), and tries to pass it off as a joke has issues. Big mega issues. Forget revenge, because this person will always have a one up over you in the mean, and cruel department. They always do. It's very hard, but the best thing to do is ignore him, very, very consistently. He will probably suddenly turn very nice after you ignore him at first, but don't fall for it. You're headed in a good direction, and you've said yourself he's not.



agmoie
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06 Jun 2008, 4:35 pm

Give me his name and phone number and I`ll have a wee chat with him...



preludeman
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06 Jun 2008, 9:56 pm

You need to find better friends.


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