First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Greentea
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05 Jul 2009, 5:28 am

I've encountered many Aspies and NTs on these forums who are hoping to get some feedback from each other regarding the difficulties they face trying to understand the other. Some are NTs milking the forums for any drop of insight they can get on how to help their beloved who are Autistic/Aspie. Some are like me, trying with all their might to decipher the mystery called NT non-verbal messages. Both parties have expressed a total willingness to help back, answer each others' questions to the best of their ability to express gratitude for the help they've themselves received.

So now we have here, right in the WrongPlanet forums, and for the first time in history, an open hotline where you can post your question and NTs will answer you. In turn, NTs will also post their questions and Aspies will answer.

Please remember: the service is provided mutually by Aspies and NTs, and totally on a voluntary basis, therefore no debate or criticism is appropriate to this thread. Clarifying questions are encouraged, of course, and conversation about the given question as well. But if you want to discuss/debate/criticize a point someone made in their answer, you'll have to start a new thread of your own on the specific topic.

I encourage everyone to ask, and everyone to answer. Haven't we all dreamed we could get honest NT or Aspie feedback to our specific, personal, pressing questions? Now, for the first time in history, that's a reality, and it's right here, on your favorite channel ! !! !

* THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS, THERE ARE NO STUPID ANSWERS *


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Last edited by Greentea on 05 Jul 2009, 5:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

MONKEY
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05 Jul 2009, 5:37 am

Oooh this looks fun.
A question to NTs:
do you notice even the mildest of aspies, do they seem not right to you even if they're really subtle???


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Greentea
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05 Jul 2009, 5:39 am

Excellent question, Monkey!!


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Justin6378
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05 Jul 2009, 5:50 am

Great thread idea! :D
If it proves to be popular, i think it should be "stickied" 8)


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jennyishere
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05 Jul 2009, 7:46 am

I agree that this is a great idea, Greentea. Ok, in answer to Monkey's question, I'm NT and yes, I think I can notice fairly subtle signs of Asperger's in someone. I've been a teacher for 25 years and have taught a number of students diagnosed with AS and many others who showed common AS traits. Also, my son has a close friend whose brother and father have AS and I have an online friend with it as well, so I've had plenty of opportunities to become familiar with a range of traits. For me, some of the most noticeable traits are reduced expression in the voice and face, reduced or unusual eye contact, awkwardness in friendly social interactions, slightly stilted or formal use of language and greater than usual interest in particular topics. I'm a bit of a people-watcher in general- I find people interesting and pay attention to their characteristics and quirks, whether they're AS-related or not. I can't guarantee that I would notice really subtle signs of AS in someone, though- there must be a point where they become so subtle that they're no longer noticeable. I hope this is helpful. Jenny



Greentea
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05 Jul 2009, 7:57 am

Thank you, Jenny! Your answer was most useful for me.

I'm having a great time already!


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MONKEY
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05 Jul 2009, 8:22 am

Thanks Jenny :)


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sartresue
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05 Jul 2009, 11:09 am

Greentea wrote:
I've encountered many Aspies and NTs on these forums who are hoping to get some feedback from each other regarding the difficulties they face trying to understand the other. Some are NTs milking the forums for any drop of insight they can get on how to help their beloved who are Autistic/Aspie. Some are like me, trying with all their might to decipher the mystery called NT non-verbal messages. Both parties have expressed a total willingness to help back, answer each others' questions to the best of their ability to express gratitude for the help they've themselves received.

So now we have here, right in the WrongPlanet forums, and for the first time in history, an open hotline where you can post your question and NTs will answer you. In turn, NTs will also post their questions and Aspies will answer.

Please remember: the service is provided mutually by Aspies and NTs, and totally on a voluntary basis, therefore no debate or criticism is appropriate to this thread. Clarifying questions are encouraged, of course, and conversation about the given question as well. But if you want to discuss/debate/criticize a point someone made in their answer, you'll have to start a new thread of your own on the specific topic.

I encourage everyone to ask, and everyone to answer. Haven't we all dreamed we could get honest NT or Aspie feedback to our specific, personal, pressing questions? Now, for the first time in history, that's a reality, and it's right here, on your favorite channel ! !! !

* THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS, THERE ARE NO STUPID ANSWERS *


The NT mystique topic

I have never been interested in demystifying NT-ness, unlike many NTs who are baffled by those of us who live at varying points on the AS Spectrum. My NT children have never been interested in figuring me out either. They have learned to accept me, as I have learned to accept them. A sort of truce. 8)


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cyberscan
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05 Jul 2009, 12:31 pm

I love the idea of a NT and Spectrumite exchange. I want to thank all of our NT's who come here to try to understand us as well. This kind of thing has been my dream.


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Janissy
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05 Jul 2009, 12:45 pm

I think this is a great idea!! !

My questions ( am an NT parent of an AS child):

Were you self-injurious as a child? Did you grow out of it and have the feeling fade away or did you come up with specific ways to cope so you wouldn't self-injure? If somebody intervened (such as holding your hands) would that be helpful till the feeling passes or would it be even more upsetting?



alba
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05 Jul 2009, 12:58 pm

votes thread be stickied......oh drat, that's not an option..



.



Last edited by alba on 05 Jul 2009, 5:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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05 Jul 2009, 1:08 pm

[/quote]Were you self-injurious as a child? Did you grow out of it and have the feeling fade away or did you come up with specific ways to cope so you wouldn't self-injure? If somebody intervened (such as holding your hands) would that be helpful till the feeling passes or would it be even more upsetting?[quote]

Janissy, I was self-injurious from the time I was pretty young, under 2 years old. At that age, I did a long of head banging and also biting my hands. When I was 14, I also started cutting, because it was somehow more socially acceptable and had the same effect. At 21, I still do the same things (biting, hitting my head, scratching, almost never cutting)... it's very hard to stop when you're not really aware that you're doing it! It's not as violent as it was when I was younger, though. Hope that answers your question, anyway.



alba
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05 Jul 2009, 1:22 pm

Janissy wrote:
I think this is a great idea!! !

My questions ( am an NT parent of an AS child):

Were you self-injurious as a child? Did you grow out of it and have the feeling fade away or did you come up with specific ways to cope so you wouldn't self-injure? If somebody intervened (such as holding your hands) would that be helpful till the feeling passes or would it be even more upsetting?

Headbanging and other things when child. I presently self-harm very rarely, and only when stressed to the max. Fortunately outgrew it.


.



Last edited by alba on 05 Jul 2009, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Gerhardt
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05 Jul 2009, 1:31 pm

This is a question for NT's, generally young women NT's but anyone can answer:

What would the best way for an Aspie to tell you that he has Aspergers? A lot of times I meet NT women that are nice and all but they misinterpret my cold gaze and lack of social congruency as stand offish and insecure, and thus refuse to date me. I feel if they know I have aspergers they'll be more prone to understanding how I work and seeing my true colors. I've told some women that I have Aspergers directly but it ends up making things even more awkward.



millie
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05 Jul 2009, 1:47 pm

This is wonderful Greentea.

Here is my very basic question:

Why do many NT people not say what they think and say what they do not think?

Please NT people willing to answer - give more of an answer than "politeness." :)

Why are things so unclear? I spend much time after interactions with people, trying to decipher the true meanings - the subtexts and the subtleties. This has led to lifelong confusion in any kind of relationships with people. NT people I know, giggle at me and say "oh millie..." And I am nearing 47 and still no closer to understanding the truths or untruths behind the words. It makes life and people rather scary.

i think that nearly covers it all...until the next question.



Janissy
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05 Jul 2009, 2:22 pm

Gerhardt wrote:
This is a question for NT's, generally young women NT's but anyone can answer:

What would the best way for an Aspie to tell you that he has Aspergers? A lot of times I meet NT women that are nice and all but they misinterpret my cold gaze and lack of social congruency as stand offish and insecure, and thus refuse to date me. I feel if they know I have aspergers they'll be more prone to understanding how I work and seeing my true colors. I've told some women that I have Aspergers directly but it ends up making things even more awkward.


I'm an older NT woman but I can remember being a young one so I'll tell you what would have worked with me.

A t-shirt.

Back in the day I would often get in conversations with guys about their t-shirts. T-shirts are a great conversation starter since they advertise something about the person that he/she wants the world to know: music tastes, political standing, a place visited , a favorite cause. These days with cafepress you can easily design your own t-shirt with some sort of fun or jokey reference to Asperger's. There are probably dozens already out there. And I notice WP itself is selling WP shirts, which could lead to a woman asking "what is 'Wrong Planet?'".



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