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Keeno
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10 Jan 2010, 12:32 pm

I visited a nightclub last night, something I'm pretty sure I've not done for several years.

Last night was a reminder that on one hand they offer me a chance of interactions with females in a way that I wouldn't normally have, but on the other hand the most superficial interaction in the most superficial way.

On the dancefloor (I recall it being 10 times more males than females, so much so males were hugging each other for lack of women to approach) I ended up passionately kissing and closely hugging with a young lady. She said such a forward thing as "I love you more than anybody else".

This was until she asked my age, and that was that. Her mood suddenly changed, stating "I have a daughter". What the hell is that supposed to mean? I realise it's more likely to be a classic "leave me alone" statement than the truth, but still?

Of course there's a lot of non-verbal stuff and unwritten rules peculiar to nightclubs that can be pitfalls for Aspies.

Hassled outside club at end of night, seemingly over a girl. I don't know her but I know it wasn't the one I was kissing. Maybe it was this one other girl who kept taking my glasses and dancing with them on? A reminder that there are probably more cons than pros to nightclubbing. All I've described above seems to be standard nightclub stuff.



miszt
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10 Jan 2010, 12:44 pm

Are you aware of the existance of Entheogenic/Empathogenic Stimulants? It sounds very likly that the behaviour you discribe was a result of something like that (lots of hugging, touchy feely people, + the words I Love You, to random strangers are a fairly good indication). You should be aware of course that such things are illegal, and may carry health risks. and are better discussed in the adult section I expect, and the reason I am not using its common name.



Asp-Z
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10 Jan 2010, 1:04 pm

I hate nightclubs myself. I've only ever been to them because I was forced to.

I mean, why the hell would a girl take your glasses and dance with them on? It's utterly stupid.

Plus the noise, crowds and stupid lighting make me very uncomfortable, and all the socialising makes me nervous.



Keeno
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10 Jan 2010, 1:12 pm

Well, I wasn't on ecstacy. Of course many people there would have been. If there is ONE area on which I am extremely conservative, it is illegal drugs.

I don't know why the hell a girl would take my glasses and dance with them on, apart from being some non-verbal indicator of interest in a superficial way. But it's happened to me in clubs before. I once went to a club where a girl took my glasses, put them on, ran away, and when pursued ran into a toilet cubicle...

I actually enjoyed myself last night, apart from the social difficulties.



Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 7:24 am

Keeno wrote:
Well, I wasn't on ecstacy. Of course many people there would have been. If there is ONE area on which I am extremely conservative, it is illegal drugs.


I think he's saying the women you're describing may actually have been using E.

Having said that, some of the most radical conservatives I know have used empathogenic drugs, psychedelic drugs and even opiates. This was especially the case during the late 19th and early 20st centuries. Ernst Junger is a good example. The whole concept of "illegality" of drugs is actually a 20th century puritan concept based on prejudice and corporate interests rather than any sound morality and has nothing to do with conservatism.

I encourage you to read the article "[/quote][url=The Party is Over]The Party Is Over[/url]" by prominent "New Right" philosopher Tomislav Sunic. He explains the difference between the nihilist escapism of the hedonistic liberals and the somewhat nobler principles behind the drug use of enlightened individuals such as Charles Baudelaire or Ernst Jünger.

Keeno wrote:
I actually enjoyed myself last night, apart from the social difficulties.


That's positive. I personally dislike clubs precisely because of their superficial nature... I find clubbing utterly boring actually.



Bataar
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12 Jan 2010, 6:58 pm

I'm proud to say that I'm 31 and have never been to a night/dance club in my entire life.



Tory_canuck
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14 Jan 2010, 1:04 am

I prefer pubs over night clubs...There are a few pubs and such in Red Deer that are not so loud and crowded...such as the farside (campus bar at the college) and the Vat, a local blues type of pub.The music is kept at a reasonable level.I HATE Belinis since it is way too bloody loud and crowded.Lotus is just as bad.


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Bataar
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14 Jan 2010, 1:10 am

I do agree that pubs are better than clubs if for no other reason they're not as loud. Still just as boring though unless you're just going to get a meal or something.



Salonfilosoof
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14 Jan 2010, 12:48 pm

Bataar wrote:
I do agree that pubs are better than clubs if for no other reason they're not as loud. Still just as boring though unless you're just going to get a meal or something.


I disagree. If the music is not too loud, you can have meaningful conversations with different people on different topics. If you enjoy meaningful conversation, this can be pretty fun. Unfortunately, in clubs the music is just too loud to have any meaningful conversation so you end up just having small talk and trying to dance. To me, that's pretty boring and I often find it hard even to pretend I'm having fun.



Bataar
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14 Jan 2010, 2:50 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Bataar wrote:
I do agree that pubs are better than clubs if for no other reason they're not as loud. Still just as boring though unless you're just going to get a meal or something.


I disagree. If the music is not too loud, you can have meaningful conversations with different people on different topics. If you enjoy meaningful conversation, this can be pretty fun. Unfortunately, in clubs the music is just too loud to have any meaningful conversation so you end up just having small talk and trying to dance. To me, that's pretty boring and I often find it hard even to pretend I'm having fun.

For me, conversation requires a catalyst. I'm not going to walk up to some random stranger and start talking about my favorite board game or fishing trip, TV show, etc. Most people at those places are usually there with their own friend(s) and just talk amongst themselves. For me, it seems rude for someone else to try to interject themselves into someone elses' group. If you're referring to talking amongst your own group of friends at a pub that works, I suppose. However, I'd rather be back at my place if all we're going to do is talk.



Salonfilosoof
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14 Jan 2010, 2:52 pm

Bataar wrote:
For me, conversation requires a catalyst. I'm not going to walk up to some random stranger and start talking about my favorite board game or fishing trip, TV show, etc. Most people at those places are usually there with their own friend(s) and just talk amongst themselves. For me, it seems rude for someone else to try to interject themselves into someone elses' group. If you're referring to talking amongst your own group of friends at a pub that works, I suppose. However, I'd rather be back at my place if all we're going to do is talk.


We're very much alike in this area, however I do force myself to at least to try to talk to strangers or have a friend with me who knows the ropes every now and then...



Keeno
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23 Jan 2010, 11:08 pm

Was out clubbing again tonight. A couple of girls were hanging out/dancing with me a lot, clearly preferring me, and to a lesser extent a friend, to everyone else in the club.

It's too bad that no relationship with them could ever develop because you have to interact in a total non-verbal way, in which I am lost. Any attempts at verbal conversation were ignored.



Salonfilosoof
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24 Jan 2010, 9:07 am

Keeno wrote:
Was out clubbing again tonight. A couple of girls were hanging out/dancing with me a lot, clearly preferring me, and to a lesser extent a friend, to everyone else in the club.

It's too bad that no relationship with them could ever develop because you have to interact in a total non-verbal way, in which I am lost. Any attempts at verbal conversation were ignored.


I have that same problem. When a woman is showing interest in a club or an overcrowded and loud pub, either I don't notice it or I'm clueless on how to respond.



alex
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24 Jan 2010, 9:19 am

Keeno wrote:
I visited a nightclub last night, something I'm pretty sure I've not done for several years.

Last night was a reminder that on one hand they offer me a chance of interactions with females in a way that I wouldn't normally have, but on the other hand the most superficial interaction in the most superficial way.

On the dancefloor (I recall it being 10 times more males than females, so much so males were hugging each other for lack of women to approach) I ended up passionately kissing and closely hugging with a young lady. She said such a forward thing as "I love you more than anybody else".

This was until she asked my age, and that was that. Her mood suddenly changed, stating "I have a daughter". What the hell is that supposed to mean? I realise it's more likely to be a classic "leave me alone" statement than the truth, but still?

Of course there's a lot of non-verbal stuff and unwritten rules peculiar to nightclubs that can be pitfalls for Aspies.

Hassled outside club at end of night, seemingly over a girl. I don't know her but I know it wasn't the one I was kissing. Maybe it was this one other girl who kept taking my glasses and dancing with them on? A reminder that there are probably more cons than pros to nightclubbing. All I've described above seems to be standard nightclub stuff.


you too young for her?