Hard Time Talking/Looking At Guys I'm Super Attracted To!!

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PabiGoBoom
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25 Nov 2010, 12:06 am

I don't know what it is! I've been this way my whole life. If I see a guy that I think is cute or super attracted to, I freak out and can't look at them or talk to them. If I do talk to them (because they work somewhere and I have to LOL) I keep a straight face and act aloof!

I can't stand it when this happens! If I try to smile/be friendly I feel STUPID 8O and I start to shake!!

Anyone else know why or go through this??? Yikes!! :oops:



KatScott
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25 Nov 2010, 1:34 am

Right here!

I get so nervous when I try talking to a guy I like, there was this cute waiter who kept coming to my table....I had this stupid grin on my face and couldn't think straight or even speak correctly.

It happens to everyone, pretty normal if you ask me.



Claradoon
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25 Nov 2010, 2:17 am

Yes, I think it's normal, if extremely uncomfortable. If you look at Pride & Prejudice you'll see a lot of that kind of behaviour.



PabiGoBoom
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25 Nov 2010, 2:32 am

Pride & Prejudice is my favorite! :D I love ALL Jane Austen & Charlotte Bronte material! :)

It's just that I'm deathly shy and nothing ever comes out of it. I know guys look at me all the time and "gaze/stare"....but I guess I intimidate them because I don't show any vulnerability for them to approach me and get to know me.

I find it so frustrating. I always tell my mom that I wish dating was like courtship back in Jane Austen's time....the guy would do ALL the work (or most of it anyway) to get your attention and seek you out. Nowadays, they expect us to do the work!

I'm very old fashioned and I love the way things were done in the past. That's just me though.



Claradoon
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25 Nov 2010, 6:42 am

Well, Darcy thought Miss Bennett hated him - and for that matter, she thought so too. Of course they were wrong. All that inability to meet his gaze and fleeing the room with burning cheeks :oops: was about love. :heart:

How about, can you make flirtation out of fear? When you turn your eyes away, can you flutter your eyelashes? I'm serious. And keep your lids lowered while you glance at him through your eyelashes from time to time. (google images of Princess Diana.) And put a little smile on your face. If you've got dimples, use them! If you speak to him, don't forget to mention who very, very shy you are.



emlion
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25 Nov 2010, 7:19 am

Yes; good idea.
When I feel like that, I (apparently) manage to turn it into flirting.
Although, now i'm taken, so I don't really feel like that around guys anymore.



curlyfry
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25 Nov 2010, 6:24 pm

It has been awhile since I have felt that way. Love Pride and Prejudice too (at least the Masterpiece Theatre one). I was so attracted to this guy in high school cause he had a personality like Bill Murray. He was not thin either but I didn't care. I could probably count how many words I actually said to him cause I was so brainless around him. My heart actually hurt when he mentioned going to the dance with this girl. I knew then, how superficial he was like most boys because she was cute and played the dumb blond. The only progress I made lately is I asked a guy if he was single. He made a comment and smiled but I didn't know if it meant anything except simply answering my question so it never went anywhere after that. How sad is that.LOL.



PabiGoBoom
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25 Nov 2010, 6:49 pm

LOL thanks guys...it's so nice to have people who understand EXACTLY what's going on :D

The thing is....these are Neuro-typical guys and from the "outside" look of me, there's nothing that lets on that I have a problem...I'm always told I'm beautiful, could be a model, should have NO problem getting a boyfriend (but have never had one).

I know with friendships people are all into me and wanting to get to know me...then after a little time the relationship goes south and they all end the same: FRIENDSHIP FAILED. Somehow my "cover" is blown and I still haven't figured out what it is that turns people off.

I feel my looks are deceiving....I look so normal on the outside but have these issues on the inside (OCD, Aspie, Depression, Bi Polar, Anxiety)...

I'm totally scared to let myself be vulnerable for a guy....I've seen how they treat Neuro-typical girls and I'm 50 times more sensitive than a NT girl is (I would say)...so I clamp up because it gets to be TOO much to get over it if I'm rejected...hence nothing has ever come out of it...I just keep a straight face and go on with my life and don't let an inch of vulnerability show.

Then there are those kinds of guys every now and again that I can't stop thinking of and have "fantasies" that we'll go out and be madly in love and get married and spend the rest of our lives together....and OCD nearly kills me with it. Then when it comes to seeing them somewhere, I avoid them like the PLAGUE! :oops:



PabiGoBoom
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25 Nov 2010, 6:52 pm

Also, I always size myself up to these NT men...I always think "What would they want with me? I've got so many problems...it couldn't possibly work and they wouldn't be interested at all once they get to know me on the inside..."

:roll:



Wombat
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26 Nov 2010, 2:35 am

PabiGoBoom wrote:
Also, I always size myself up to these NT men...I always think "What would they want with me? I've got so many problems...it couldn't possibly work and they wouldn't be interested at all once they get to know me on the inside..."
:roll:


You are right! Girls are always attracted to the super cool guys just as guys are attracted to the "prom queens"
That doesn't mean they want you.

There was a song years ago and some of the words went like this:

"Never going to kiss those ruby red lips of the prettiest girl in town,
Never going to ask here to marry me cause I know she'd turn me down.

I'm just a poor country boy, money have I none,
But I have silver in the stars and gold in the morning sun"

Could you bring yourself to "settle" for a man who thought like that?