Ouch: fights, fights, fights ...and did I mention fights?

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SmallFruitSong
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01 Aug 2006, 10:17 am

I think I might have an anger problem. I go from being chilled-out to BATSHIT MAD in about 30 seconds.

This is what usually happens whenever I socially interact: I almost always end up having a fight with people, eventually, one way or another. I end up having a meltdown, implode and become an uncontrollable fountain pouring forth rage upon a person. I'll shout, sometimes I'll SCREAM at the top of my lungs, and I'll tell them exactly what I think of them and how I hate them, including some colourful language. In the past it's also involved the usage of fists but thankfully I can restrain myself now.

It's weird when it happens because it's like I've separated myself from my body and before and during my rages part of me is going "This is a bad idea, ABORT PLAN NOW" but I can't stop myself.

Of course, afterwards the person usually would rather not have anything to do with me...which I understand.

This year I've found myself having a nasty argument with a co-worker...which has made me an absolute social pariah in the workplace.

I am - rather, was until today - an active and high-ranking member of a gaming org. I raged on someone yesterday, and today I've been booted out.

I've lost friends from implosions, made myself a virtual outcast all the way through high school and primary school from this behaviour...I was put into anger management at one point during high school after I tried to bash an entire GROUP...neighbours think I'm mad because they saw me lose it once and it wasn't pretty...

I used to think it was due to immaturity and that I would grow out of this behaviour, but apparently not.

Does this happen to others as well?


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waterdogs
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01 Aug 2006, 12:12 pm

im a pretty passive individual but i'll stand up for myself (most of the time) if someone gets in my grill.



donkey
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01 Aug 2006, 2:04 pm

yeah dude your having meltdowns i still have them allthou i was as bad as you at one stage i mellowed with age but i still hve them, i have smashed people and been smashed too, its life for this aspie.
ami sorry?
yeah i am on this one, the meltdowsna nd rage attacks have cost me a lot like you.
can i control them?
yeah
how?
live and learn.



Jamie06
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01 Aug 2006, 4:20 pm

I can get annoyed quite easily and end up swearing alot, when I was younger I used to be abit aggressive but i'm not anymore.



Veresae
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01 Aug 2006, 6:17 pm

I have frequent "minor meltdowns," haven't had a really major one for a while. Like over a year. But a lot of minor ones, moderate ones kinda rarely but they still happen. Wish I knew how to deal with them.



hale_bopp
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02 Aug 2006, 2:15 am

To me it only happens on the internet.

It's like I have this uncontrollable urge to argue with people. I don't know why I am like this on the net, I'm not in real life..

But it's probably because people are more tolerable in real life.



SmallFruitSong
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02 Aug 2006, 7:45 am

Thanks for the replies, at least there's people who understand where I'm coming from...

@waterdogs: I'm pretty passive most of the time as well. I try not to fight with people, I usually try the "avoid and run" method.

@donkey: Living and learning...heh, I'm slowly learning too. I have to try the "count to ten" method more.

@hale_bopp: I've found that people online can sometimes be VERY nasty and personal. I guess it's the informality of the Internet; people tend to be less guarded than IRL.


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rhubarbpluscustard
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05 Aug 2006, 7:57 pm

I get meltdowns too, and they're worse than yours. I not only shout and scream, I also hit. I cracked someone's wrist once. My own left hand is still hurting from a punch I gave the wall during a meltdown five days ago. I'm not quite eighteen; I hope I'll learn better self-control as I get older, because meltdowns sure do alienate people and I can't blame them.

There have been a few occasions lately on which I was able to control my meltdowns, but I find that that gives me a simultaneously drained and pent-up feeling. I've suppressed the rage but it's still there and there's nothing I can do to get rid of it. I just carry it round for a while. But that's better than getting violent, of course.



donkey
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05 Aug 2006, 8:03 pm

yeah punching walls for me was a stim a t 18...meltodowns dude they happpen, it is age related but given tim ethey do get better.,



SmallFruitSong
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07 Aug 2006, 10:02 pm

I've done the whole "punching walls" thing from time to time [haven't cracked anyone's wrist yet!], it just depends on how upset I am. It's not often though. I'm more inclined to send inanimate objects flying first IF I'm upset enough that I feel the need to become physical. Sending stuff flying is when I'm really upset. Punching stuff is when I'm really REALLY upset.

Quote:
There have been a few occasions lately on which I was able to control my meltdowns, but I find that that gives me a simultaneously drained and pent-up feeling. I've suppressed the rage but it's still there and there's nothing I can do to get rid of it. I just carry it round for a while.


I can relate to that, and it's actually an apt description of how I feel when I've managed to control my meltdowns. I think it makes makes my eventual meltdown worse, because I would be expressing both the anger of a particular moment AND the anger I had carried around.


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Close to me and
Kiss me to the core."

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sigholdaccountlost
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09 Aug 2006, 6:25 am

I usually stare at howver I'm mad with and while I won't be thefirst o strike out most of the time. (was once.) I usually return the favour.



neptunevsmars
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15 Aug 2006, 9:26 am

Even at my age (I'm 35), I can be pretty volatile and if anything I've had to learn to let go more, because people around me say that I can be pretty unbearable when it's obvious that i'm holding back a serve from someone. The thing is that I have to be careful of things ever getting to the point of violence because if I ever got into a fight I would get flattened in about 5 seconds. Yeah, a narky 35 year old who's never been in a fight before! Dad once said he couldn't understand how someone with my mouth has done it. Mind you I've play-hit people before and I've been told I hit harder than I probably think.


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deep-techno
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15 Aug 2006, 10:31 am

I have had meltdowns and angry moments at school, where everyone has been laughing at me. It's rather odd how people think that the reactions are rather interesting and stop talking just to see it.

What annoys me is that people tried to get a reaction out of me and I got in trouble!

Once in a French class in Year 8, people were winding me up and annoing me buy quickly saying my name and when I turned around, they looked away. That really annoyed me and I tried to tell the teacher. Then people were still doing it and the teacher didn't really do anything, she said "Just ignore it." I said that I'm different. She misunderstood me - she replied with, "Everybody's different" (I meant to say that my reactions to situations are different than everyone else's). Then people were groaning at me and I lost my patience and shouted "SHUT UP!" Everyone remained quiet for a while.

I can't believe it, they shut up just to see me freak out! How cruel!

Anyone who is interested in people's angry reactions is an idiot. I rest my case.


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lynxeye1
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26 Sep 2006, 5:23 pm

iv'e had people piss me off on purpose to try and get me angry in elementry school.

I remember a kid telling me to turn around this was so he could kick me in the butt,
i turned around and kicked him in the balls.

this kid never messed with me again im glade i did not get in trouble



Scintillate
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12 Oct 2006, 8:26 am

The only thing I've learnt is how to stay away from people that push me past the limits, in terms of family and others I cant or dont want to ignore, I've learnt to make sure I get away and get private time when I feel it boiling..

I think the key is IT MUST BE RELEASED, anger does not just vanish when you hold it in, it just boils and bubbles waiting for eruption, you must have an outlet, besides a person.


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larsenjw92286
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12 Oct 2006, 9:46 am

I'm sorry to hear that!

I hope things improve with you soon!


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