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justjelliot
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10 Jul 2011, 6:59 pm

So a friend told me I need to learn to just shoot the s**t, ie, talking with no purpose or reason. I think this is stupid. Why would I talk or speak without a reason? I don't waste my words, and only speak when I have something worth listening to. He kept telling me that I should 'just talk' and I couldn't help but laugh at that. Why would I waste my time doing that without a purpose? I could spend that time doing something else.

Do NT's really do this talk with no reason or shoot the s**t, or did I misunderstand?


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Jory
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10 Jul 2011, 7:00 pm

It baffles lots of us. Search around for "small talk" topics and you'll find a lot.



johnsmcjohn
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10 Jul 2011, 7:04 pm

I despise small talk. Why can't people just be comfortable with silence? If you should be required to engage, I recommend letting the NT talk about themselves. They love that.



Maje
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10 Jul 2011, 7:22 pm

I was on a festival lately and there was a big message on a wall: STOP MAKING SENSE!

I have been thinking about that, because sometimes my friends are really making no sense, and I think its on purpose. They are then laughing alot, while I have to laugh because of other things (pictures their words generate/how they look/etc.) I used to be anxious in such situations, because I thought I was the only one not understanding, but Im beginning to believe that nobody understands anything, and that as much nonsense you can put together, the better the joke is. In between things still make sense, and thats also funny (also for me), but I think there should be a balance.



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10 Jul 2011, 7:24 pm

Sometime schmoozing is fun. But not always.

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AnonymousPasserBy
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10 Jul 2011, 7:25 pm

Life is too short to even bother talking unless information needs to be exchanged. <-- my view on the matter



justjelliot
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10 Jul 2011, 8:01 pm

Jory wrote:
It baffles lots of us. Search around for "small talk" topics and you'll find a lot.


I thought small talk was different though. There is a purpose, or end goal, to small talk. I need to get to know you better so I can work better with your strengths and avoid your weaknesses, or something like that. But what my friend described was talking just for sake of talking. I do ask a lot of questions and pretend like I care, and people often say I'm a great listener. In reality, I'm arranging or rearranging my schedule or something I need to do in my head, for time management's sake.


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MountainLaurel
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10 Jul 2011, 11:23 pm

Quote:
Do NT's really do this talk with no reason or shoot the sh**


Some NTs do AND so do many aspies. Lots of people, most people, talk just because they want to. The problem comes in when they go on & on when the folks they're speaking with have become bored; or when the listener wants to reply and the talker won't aknowledge the listener's cues. That's not conversation, it's lecturing and no one likes it.

Tell me you haven't had an aspie do that to you.



MakaylaTheAspie
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10 Jul 2011, 11:27 pm

Whoever came up with small talk, shame on you!


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MountainLaurel
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10 Jul 2011, 11:31 pm

Justjilliot; to what I think your root question is; you're right, there's no good reason to say anything if you're not interested in saying it. That would go against reason. I honestly don't know what your friend was getting at.



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11 Jul 2011, 1:23 am

Next time someone tells me to "just talk," I'm going to talk about why it's stupid and illogical to do such a thing.


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Jory
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11 Jul 2011, 1:28 am

SammichEater wrote:
Next time someone tells me to "just talk," I'm going to talk about why it's stupid and illogical to do such a thing.


I do this sometimes. Admitting that you have no idea what to talk about is often a good conversation starter.

At least for a minute. Then I'm at a loss again.



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11 Jul 2011, 1:33 am

Or, another one of my favorites:

NT: Why don't you talk much?
Me: I don't know.
NT: Well, I think you should talk more.
Me: Alright then, what do you want to talk about?
...


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Kookygirl
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11 Jul 2011, 2:14 am

I get hyperactive sometimes and don't stop talking and what I'm really doing is just thinking out loud. My husband gets this exasperated look on his face and just says "mmmm" a lot lol.
I wonder if this is what NT's do, think out loud just to fill the silence because it passes time quicker because they find silence boring. I think people with ASD don't get bored as easily so don't feel the need to talk rubbish to amuse themselves.



Australien
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11 Jul 2011, 3:22 am

I hate people filling silence for the sake of it. I can't hear myself think.



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11 Jul 2011, 7:39 am

I have a reason for pretty much everything I say.

Earlier tonight I asked a lot of questions, and answered a lot of questions, while talking to a girl(in a bikini) at the pools. My reasons are to have my questions answered and to tell her about me. I was looking to profit by our meeting, but she had some glaring dishonesty problems... I usually gain more than originally planned during conversations.... In return, I offer blinding honesty. I figure if that doesn't make them run, it could work out.

The main reason is we are sniffing around each other, in the hope that true love will blossom. Or that a valuable gain could be made by networking