More compfortable talking on a forum or to a friend?

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unreal3x
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18 Jun 2012, 4:02 pm

If something is on your mind, are you more comfortable speaking on a forum, or directly to a friend?

On a forum do you feel somewhat anonymous? You don't have worry about being in real-time, you have time to say what you want, you can reread what someone says? You feel like you won't be misunderstood by just a person directly, and that you can receive multiple opinions and ideas in response? You can respond on your on time / schedule, or don't have to at all? Do you feel like not everyone will read what you write but at least you said it? There is less anxiety, and more of a chance since there is multiple people, that some think more similarly?

Directly to a person do you feel like if they find out more about you as time goes on they won't like you, rejection? The person might think you are weird, dumb, different? Are you worried that you might accidentally hurt them maybe with misunderstanding you might be also?

If some one says to you, "Well I always have my phone on me" "You can tell me if something is bothering you" "I am always here if you need me" blah blah". Would you rather not?



Last edited by unreal3x on 18 Jun 2012, 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Blownmind
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18 Jun 2012, 4:41 pm

This was rather overwhelming for me. 10 questions.

To answer the topic title; Yes, it is easier writing than talking. And sometimes its easier to tell someone you don't know.


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1401b
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18 Jun 2012, 4:55 pm

Ahh,

friend  [frend] Show IPA
noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Ok, got it.

Um, Yes. all communication is Turn-Based and textual.
no body language;
no low-talkers
no prosody
no tonalities
no drive-by Harleys or sirens
no interrupters
no embarrassing spills
no body eating more than their fair share of the pizza
and you don't have to have sex with them
plus spell check is my friend =D

although it is a bit more boring. . . =/


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AngelKnight
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18 Jun 2012, 4:56 pm

unreal3x wrote:
1) If something is on your mind, are you more comfortable speaking on a forum, or directly to a friend?
2) On a forum do you feel somewhat anonymous?
3) You don't have worry about being in real-time, you have time to say what you want, you can reread what someone says?
4) You feel like you won't be misunderstood by just a person directly, and that you can receive multiple opinions and ideas in response?
5) You can respond on your on time / schedule, or don't have to at all?
6) Do you feel like not everyone will read what you write but at least you said it?
7) Directly to a person do you feel like if they find out more about you as time goes on they won't like you, rejection?
8) The person might think you are weird, dumb, different?
9) Are you worried that you might accidentally hurt them maybe with misunderstanding you might be also?
10) If some one says to you, "Well I always have my phone on me" "You can tell me if something is bothering you" "I am always here if you need me" blah blah". Would you rather not?


Are these questions replicated from elsewhere?

1) Depends on the friend. A close friend I'd prefer to speak to, when I have something I can't resolve alone.
2) When it comes to expressing an opinion, I rarely say something anonymously that I would not say anywhere else ever. I prefer to own my words.
3) I like the detachment from real-time of forums. But my closest friends also operate this way. With these friends, I've picked up conversations with 2 year breaks in them without issue.
4) I'm used to being misunderstood.
5) When a response is called for I prefer to respond promptly regardless of the medium.
6) If I need to express something that doesn't need to be heard or read, I'll write it down somewhere then burn it.
7) Not sure.
8) Happens all the time. I'm used to it by now.
9) Also happens all the time that I worry. Because it occasionally happens for real. This, I'm not used to.
10) I have to evaluate just how much the person means it, and how much I need to say something to them.



JNathanK
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18 Jun 2012, 4:58 pm

Friends definitely, but its hard to meet other autistics, so this is nice too.



PerfectlyDarkTails
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18 Jun 2012, 6:38 pm

Yeah, I'm much more comfortable with forums, I guess its the anonymity, the sense that there are others out there I can directly relate to.


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18 Jun 2012, 11:54 pm

My best friend and I, when we get together, sit there silent and on opposite ends of the room, on our respective computers (she carries a laptop with her) and half the time we converse on FB. In the same room with each other. She's not your usual nerd girl. She's a very pretty, very sought after party girl. Yet this is what we do together. It's not at all like people think she would be when hanging out. She's had boys over there to see her before and they have got upset and left because her entire attention was onto the computer and we were having a nice conversation that way.


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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


Siddhi
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19 Jun 2012, 6:56 am

I generally prefer conversing over a forum or email than face to face.

1. i get time to compose what i want to say
2. i get time to read and re-read to understand what the person is trying to tell me. it also gives me processing time. i take time to understand what the person is trying to say.
3. there is no pressure
4. there is only one mode of conversation
5. i find people generally think twice before they write something, so they only write things they are serious about. in conversations or conflicts people generally end up saying stuff that they later say "i did not mean it", which is very difficult for me
6. there is no loud voice. i am very sensitive to increase in volume, mine and others


when discussing non-emotional or non-relationships based topics i prefer to do it face to face with only one person.

It is not due to anonymity or getting multiple responses that i prefer this medium. i have never bothered about it as i am not embarrassed by anything that i write. I just have a tough time getting things that are emotion, though or relationship based face to face.


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unreal3x
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19 Jun 2012, 11:47 am

Blownmind wrote:
Quote: This was rather overwhelming for me. 10 questions.

To answer the topic title; Yes, it is easier writing than talking. And sometimes its easier to tell someone you don't know.


The topic title is the main question. The other questions were only general or optional or if they apply to you.



treblecake
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20 Jun 2012, 9:18 am

Most of the time forums, especially on this site. Its nice to get advice without social pressures attacted. Everyone here is really nice and you get good advice.
Although there are certain issues which I'd rather discuss with a friend because they know the person I'm talking about personally.


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Siras
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21 Jun 2012, 1:11 pm

Definitely forums for me. I don't have friends and I'm generally not comfortable talking to anyone, not even family. I don't really even want to talk to people, just not interested in it.

I like that online I can take the time to plan, reread and edit my post before I put it up. I can answer on my own timetable or not at all if I'm not comfortable with it. Anonymity gives me a feeling of safety of sorts, since I know I'll never see the other person and I don't need to deal with them unless I want to.

Also, I think in English and my preferred method of communication is typing in English. I'm Finnish and live in Finland, so that adds an extra dimension of awkwardness to talking about things. If I tried to use English with my family they wouldn't understand anything I said. Actually one of my methods of working out an issue is to make up a forum post in my head even if I know I'll never get around to writing and posting it. It helps me collect and organize my thoughts and look at things from different angles.



47x
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21 Jun 2012, 2:40 pm

For me it depends on my mood at that time. But I'd say mostly I'm comfortable as long as I got time to think about my answer and I'm not under any pressure. There might not even be "pressure" but I feel it anyways.

I do like the thought of anonymity and depending on the forum I'm writing in I do feel a bit safer to write things and I also like to get different ideas how to deal with problems or situations. I'm more open with my problems on forums than directly to people. Also you get access to the edit button, which comes in handy.

That is a proven fact, yes. I have trouble knowing how much you should share about yourself, sometimes I tell to much other times not enough, either way people don't want me around. Misunderstanding is also a big problem.

I usually never contact people in any way, I'd rather they contact me first, thus I know that they might want to talk with me.



unreal3x
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22 Jun 2012, 2:26 pm

Quote:
For me it depends on my mood at that time. But I'd say mostly I'm comfortable as long as I got time to think about my answer and I'm not under any pressure. There might not even be "pressure" but I feel it anyway.


I can feel pressure even if its over something simple, like suppose I was chatting with someone for the first time and I can see,
I am online, the other person is online too at the same time, ahhhhhh! (pressure)
But now I am more used to that.

What about pressure in person?. While I am talking to someone in person, they’ll ask me something I do know, but I temporary forget it until they walk away, then its too late but I realize what I should have said. Its not usually appropriate to go back to them and try to use the “edit button” and make the conversation how I realize it could have gone. The other day someone said “Thankyou” to me, I said “You are thankyou, errr I mean welcome”. Ahhhhh
It depends on who you were to talk to in real life, you never know, maybe with some people it might be appropriate to go back to them and use the edit button.

One thing you shouldn't do is, tell them to get on their computer with their eyes closed and tell them to hold down the Windows key while rapidly pressing the E key.

Quote:
I do like the thought of anonymity and depending on the forum I'm writing in I do feel a bit safer to write things and I also like to get different ideas how to deal with problems or situations. I'm more open with my problems on forums than directly to people. Also you get access to the edit button, which comes in handy.


The forums are made up of people :P

Quote:
That is a proven fact, yes. I have trouble knowing how much you should share about yourself, sometimes I tell to much other times not enough, either way people don't want me around. Misunderstanding is also a big problem.


What is a proven fact?
Some situations, like work, you should say only whats necessary for the environment you are in, otherwise if its something like a friend, I think you can say as much as you want if its a good friend. Thats what they should be for anyway.
I think I am misunderstood alot. One time in school at the gym, the teacher was playing music (that I did like) and everyone was kind of jumping around and such to the music. I was just sitting there. The teacher said “We need to turn this music off, its offending Rick, he doesn’t like it.” And I did like it, I just don’t go all outward with it so it looks like I don’t like it. Or one time I was in my outdoor ed class, and the teacher was getting fed up with me not saying anything, so he said he would start talking for me, Like he would say, “I am Rick, and .... (insert totally wrong statement here) and the other students started asking him stuff, and he responded acting like me and people started laughing. I was not too happy with this.
Misunderstandings can happen with all kinds of people. People assume things based on how things look or put words in your mouth. It is a big problem if people take action on that misunderstanding with out giving you a chance to explain your self, even if given a chance to explain, it can be hard to explain or they still won't understand anyway. But it also depends on who you are talking to. Someone might misunderstand you once about something, but its nice if they can eventually understand.

Imagine, suppose someone tried to talk instantly at a random unexpected time to you, like if the person said “So, how’s life”, and you said nothing back. Maybe its because you did not have the energy for conversing, or maybe because the question was way too broad.
It might just look like. you don’t want to speak with that person anymore. Maybe the person trying to talk to you also feels like “people don't want me around” so they assumed that with you too. So yeah Misunderstanding can happen, but sometimes maybe understandings can follow.
You seem like you would be a very nice person to be around :)

Quote:
I usually never contact people in any way, I'd rather they contact me first, thus I know that they might want to talk with me.


I sort of have already written that in a previous post of mine.
“maybe they will send me a message. I just don't send messages, they may only reply just to be nice, and I don't want to bother anyone.”



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22 Jun 2012, 9:46 pm

I'm more comfortable talking to a friend on a forum/online. I met most of my friends of the net anyway.

Some answers:

On a forum do you feel somewhat anonymous?
Not really. I feel it is more permanent. Even if my name is not prima facie obvious, I am still the same person, and Google is everyone's friend.

Do you feel like not everyone will read what you write but at least you said it?
If I post it on a forum, it is because I want answers. If I don't want it read, I can write it on my private blog or in one of my many notebooks.



charcoalsketches
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20 Dec 2014, 11:20 am

Either or, but it depends both on the person and the topic at hand.


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31 Dec 2014, 6:23 pm

I feel more comfortable when talking in person with friends, even though I do like talking on forums too. I think this is because when I speak on a forum, I sometimes fret about whether I've phrased something right or made myself clear. When I'm talking to a friend, however, I don't care so much about sounding right (unless I'm discussing something awkward). My words just spill out, and I can express myself further through gestures, body language and tone of voice. It's also easier for me to identify emotions.


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