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DragonFireWalker
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Joined: 20 Aug 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
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05 Sep 2012, 1:49 pm

I dont know what to do anymore. I try so much, but I never seem to do anything right. It doesnt seem like I ever get compliments to when I do things right either. My fiance claims that he and others see that I let my kids walk all over me, they never listen to me but will listen to others. He started another fight this morning, yelling at me that Im not trying hard enough to not talk about medical stuff all the time, saying I dont give a f**k about things is why I also let the kids walk all over me. (my two little ones are 2 and 4 yrs...and if hes not feeling well they need to be extremely quite.) I dont know how much I can take...he makes it look like its always my fault. He has problems as I stated with chronic depression, expolosive personality disorder and bipolar. I had a major asthma attack and after I finally came down from it I was extremely shakey. I took the dogs out to go to the bathroom but my fiances pup ended up running all over hell and went to the neighbors yard. It upset me greatly because I wast feeling well... and he came out of the bedroom only after yelling about the kids not being quite and then the fight started. He says its been building up with him again is his reason for exploding at me again. What can I do...I have never been told by people that I talk way too much about medical stuff until I met him and his family... Its as if its all my fault for problems.

PS...as I have mentioned before he constantly complains I use my disabilities not to do something. To not learn to shut up during TV shows, to not talk about medical things or my medial issues etc. Im trying so hard but he says obviously not hard enough. I said I havnt been feeling well for the past few days either...and he will automatically say Im always saying I feel worse and have worse problems than anyboyd else. I do not but he keeps saying I do.... Im so depressed. Hes alway saying to me that if I dont change these issues then we need to break up...whats my answer constantly etc. He for once, actually said this morning he knows his bitching is pushing me away but he doesnt give a f**k... because how I act and do not try hard enough pushes him away.

my little ones keep getting into trouble too. They always have to sit still and be quite day in and day out at times. They are just little kids, from a previous relationship as I stated in the past.



Laihdema
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Joined: 30 Aug 2012
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05 Sep 2012, 2:20 pm

Well. It seems to me, both of you have issues, but he's the one yelling so you end up being the one apologizing. It doesn't mean you're the one at fault here.
Your kids are 2 and 4? There's no such thing as quiet kids at this age. Even if you are very strict they just don't have the attention span to obey such a rule all the time.
As for "not trying hard enough", well, maybe he can try a bit harder to not be depressed, if everything's that easy?

Maybe counseling would help? Having an external point of vue can help the both of you to see how to come together again. He might then find out that what's bothering him are his issues, not yours. Perhaps a therapist specialized in autism can help you to specifically work on changing or controlling better some behaviors that particularly annoy him, like talking in front of a TV show (like switching to some other stimming less obvious for him), but he really needs to understand that it's just not a matter of deciding not to do it. If he can't get this, how can he live with you?



redrobin62
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Joined: 2 Apr 2012
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05 Sep 2012, 4:02 pm

This volatile relationship seems doomed. It's too disastrous, and because the children have to hear the constant bickering, they'll grow to hate their stepfather. I hate to see relationships fail. I'd like to get into one myself, but when I see all this fighting, I get discouraged. Living with a spectrumite can't be easy, especially if the NT partner doesn't "get" them. Hell, I'm an aspie and living with one would be a challenge even for me. Talking during TV shows? That sounds like an aspie thing so difficult to cure. The man has no understanding. Too bad.



DragonFireWalker
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05 Sep 2012, 5:07 pm

Hes always telling me I can learn to control it. I have told him so many times it doesnt seems like he get things nor understands. You cant try to educate him, this will start tremendous fights because Im talking about medical stuff constantly again. I doubt he would do therapy with me so I can learn to control things and he can see how his issues dont help either. He claims he knows people worse than me and can do things if they put their mind to it. But not too long ago he admited those people were not spectramites, but other disorders etc. I keep telling him not to compare me to others, he claims he understands but I dont really think so. He is supposed to go see a therapist in the area that we live, when he moved in with me. But it has been months and nothing yet so far.

I love him so much, but how can one deal with such things... I feel im just doomed at times in failed relationships because they are either using me, or emotionaly/verbaly abusive like my first ex. I want to make things work. I told him if I need to work on things he should too...but how far that will go?? My obsessions are (since childhood...animals), and combining other sciences like plants and medical knowledge etc. I am currently a psych student, I finished a minor in psych, minor in bio and have a degree in massage therapy. I also have 3 certs in Master herbology.

When he gets into his rampages he has even degraded me going to school, because im not going to use it anyways...I told him I would like to combine certain aspects of what i love to something part-time that I can run. He has dropped it since. He cant work because of his disabilities. Its hard though, because if it comes down to me going on and on about any of my passions, esp the medical things he threatens to call up his mom if I want to end it and help him get his things. Im sick of the threats when he gets this way. He has a lot to change too, but will not fully see it either. He claims others in his family, such as his mom, said I drive them crazy with things too but are afraid to say someting because they dont want to hurt me? I have to admit Im afraid things will not work out if he doesnt except me for who I am as he claims he wanted when we were looking for someone.



DragonFireWalker
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Joined: 20 Aug 2012
Age: 43
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05 Sep 2012, 7:07 pm

Laihdema,

I think ur right. If I can find some other way to stim and not talk about something that really interests me during the show or something I really need to get out...to find another outlet to stim by. I used to draw, in paticular animal portraits, landscapes and some fantasy..I LOVE dragons lol! He claims he gets my disabilities, he just doesn want to here about it everyday all day or anything medical....its driving him away from me.
I dont have any other family..I had to disown my bio family because of they way they treat me, among other things that happened in the past (because of my previous husband, that was not my fault and is in prison for what he did.... I dont want to get into but I mention in a past posting).
I hope something will work... my fiance and his family is all the family I got. I only have a few friends I here from time to time. Otherwise, Im all alone...



Samual
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06 Sep 2012, 5:47 pm

When your partner is watching TV just give him a kiss and come talk to us about your medical stuff instead.



czarsmom
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06 Sep 2012, 7:27 pm

Firewalker, my suggestion is that you think very long and hard about this relationship with this man. It sounds as though he is being verbally abusive to you. You are who you are, and you can't change into someone else just because he wants you too. It would be depressing, to be in a relationship with someone who explodes at you and criticizes you. You deserve better treatment than this. :)