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AVOIDtheEYES
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22 Dec 2012, 3:11 am

I can't call anyone by their name. I just start taliking. Does anyone else do this?
I only realised it a few days ago. It worries me because I know its the normal thing to do. But maybe people just have to get use to it. It's the same as eye contact: just not gonna happen as much as I'd love to.



undercaffeinated
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22 Dec 2012, 3:34 am

Yes, I do that... I almost never use someone's name when I'm talking to them. I sometimes use people's names when I'm referring to them in the third person, but just enough to show who I'm talking about -- and sometimes I don't even do that, and just describe them instead.

People don't always seem to notice, though... it's generally clear who I'm talking to because I'm speaking directly to them, and people don't usually comment on it unless I point it out to them.



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22 Dec 2012, 3:41 am

I don't think it's that uncommon, I know lots of NT's who do it - on the other hand they probably maintain eye contact and so it's easier to know who they are talking to.


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AVOIDtheEYES
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22 Dec 2012, 3:56 am

I name my immediate family members no trouble. but inlaws are difficult even though I have an amazing relationship with them. it's crazy



knifegill
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22 Dec 2012, 4:13 am

Oh, I'm bad. I sometimes just start talking. People around ask, "Are you talking to me?" Then I apologize and indicate for whom the communication was intended. I just found out I'm on the spectrum last year, so I'm still finding out what it means... Glad to know I'm not alone, that's for sure. I don't even try names if they won't stick. I eventually get names, but I have to care enough about the person to ask them repeatedly what their name is. And I can't remember who said what - ever, it seems. So I try to avoid restarting old conversations because it was probably someone else I'd spoken with before. :(



undercaffeinated
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22 Dec 2012, 4:14 am

AVOIDtheEYES wrote:
I name my immediate family members no trouble. but inlaws are difficult even though I have an amazing relationship with them. it's crazy


Actually, thinking about it, when I'm talking to my daughters I call them by name quite a lot... but not anyone else.



eric76
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22 Dec 2012, 4:20 am

It is extremely rare for me to call someone by name. I've been aware of it since I was a kid.

I think it is related to the prosopagnosia. Since I frequently can't recognize people I should know, in many cases I don't actually know who I'm greeting. It's better to not try to call them by name than to do so and get the name wrong.



hblu1992
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22 Dec 2012, 5:06 am

I know I avoid it out anxiety over getting peoples names wrong.



jk1
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22 Dec 2012, 5:13 am

I notice many people tend to say the name when greeting etc, like "Hi, Peter, Hi Laura." I find it very difficult to do and when I try to do it, I stumble sometimes. It's so much easier not to have call people by name. But I try to indicate who I am speaking to when I'm talking to one person in a group of people, to avoid the awkwardness of getting a response from someone I didn't speak to.

I don't think it's a big problem though. People probably simply think that it's your style of talking or may not even notice it.



mljt
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22 Dec 2012, 5:48 am

I work with autistic children who often need their names calling before they'll realise you're even talking to them, so I always use people's names out of habit. Otherwise I'd never get their attention.



Noetic
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22 Dec 2012, 7:41 am

I have become a lot better at doing this and getting a person's attention before starting to talk, but it is something that doesn't come easy to me. My theory is that it has something to do with direct confrontation and what Donna Williams termed "exposure anxiety", maybe saying someone's name makes you too aware and too exposed and then unable to speak.

I do still have a lot of trouble with starting conversations correctly, more often than not I will start talking and the other person is confused because I haven't shared the context of what I am talking about, in my head I have had a thought process and come to the point where I need to ask someone a question, but I keep forgetting the other person doesn't have that knowledge and won't necessarily know what I am referring to.

eric76 wrote:
I think it is related to the prosopagnosia. Since I frequently can't recognize people I should know, in many cases I don't actually know who I'm greeting. It's better to not try to call them by name than to do so and get the name wrong.

This too may play a role here, but I have some of the same issues with being comfortable to say someone's name with people where I definitely 100% know who they are.



cartoony_loony
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22 Dec 2012, 7:54 am

Hate using people's names. Can only comfortably do it with my daughter. It makes my skin crawl to use another person's name, and for someone to use mine.

Probably a good thing - I forget names, so I would only get it wrong!



rebbieh
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22 Dec 2012, 9:33 am

I have no problem calling people by name as long as I'm absolutely sure I get the names right (the right names and pronunciation). I really don't like using nicknames though.



ColdEyesWarmHeart
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22 Dec 2012, 11:43 am

I don't tend to use people's names when talking to them. Thought it was just my own odd quirk!


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dunya
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22 Dec 2012, 2:02 pm

I don't either. I try to avoid using people's name.
If I am talking about a person in the room I will use their name as it is considered rude to say "he" or "she" if they are there, listening. It feels uncomfortable though.



MrStewart
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22 Dec 2012, 11:18 pm

I am maybe the opposite of this. I use other's names perhaps more often than they are comfortable with. I do this because it helps me to remember the names and keep them properly associated with the correct person. Habit picked up from too many negative reactions when I had to admit that I had forgotten the name of classmates (when I was in school) and coworkers (since I finished) whom I had known for months to that point.