How do you know if a guy likes you or wants to be friends?

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Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 6:13 am

I'm getting to know two guys at the moment, both from work. One of whom I have no interest in romantically but would really like to be friends with. The other I kind of like.
I'm aware that, not knowing how to read situations or react in the right way, many things could go wrong:
-I could make it clear to the guy I like that I like him and he could turn round and say "I don't like you and this is now awkward so I don't want to be friends either"
-I could send out friendship signals to the guy I like and miss a chance
-I could accidentally send out the wrong signals to the guy I want to be friends with and hurt him a lot (I really REALLY don't want to hurt anyone)

So, it'd be really helpful if I knew
1) The signs to look out for to know if these guys like me or just want to be friends
2) The signs I can send out to them both to show the different ways I feel, without being too upfront in case of the first thing I said going wrong.

As I say, I work with them both so it could potentially make things very difficult if anything goes wrong. Right now I see them both at work and then chat to them both on Facebook.


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Shau
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16 Nov 2013, 7:12 am

Here's a method that might help:

Try inviting him to an activity that's ambiguous in regards to being platonic or romantic. For example, a trip to the beach. Not necessarily a romantic gesture per se, but it could be one, and if he considers you a lucrative prospect, he'll want to take advantage of such an opportunity.

If he isn't interested, however, it doesn't inherently reveal your feelings for him, and in fact you could readily deflect such an assertion with a comment like "Hey there Casanova slow it down, we're just friends! Friends go to the beach too!"



leafplant
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16 Nov 2013, 7:30 am

^ that only works if there is a whole group of people going, not just the two of them.



Shau
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16 Nov 2013, 7:56 am

leafplant wrote:
^ that only works if there is a whole group of people going, not just the two of them.


No it can work with just two people too, ya just gotta make it casual. "Hey wanna go to the beach? I'm craving some ocean air and there's a great cafe nearby we can have lunch at."

Just like, you know, don't show up in a two-piece bikini or something. Beach-suitable shirts and shorts are good.



leafplant
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16 Nov 2013, 8:58 am

Shau wrote:
leafplant wrote:
^ that only works if there is a whole group of people going, not just the two of them.


No it can work with just two people too, ya just gotta make it casual. "Hey wanna go to the beach? I'm craving some ocean air and there's a great cafe nearby we can have lunch at."

Just like, you know, don't show up in a two-piece bikini or something. Beach-suitable shirts and shorts are good.



Um, unless you are already friends with that person and they are of the same sex and neither of you is gay, I can pretty much guarantee you that that sort of invitation would be seen as a romantic overture.



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16 Nov 2013, 9:03 am

Definitely, as regards to the UK. Of course, if both of you lived in a seaside town, that would be a different story.

Birmingham's not exactly by the seaside...



b9
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16 Nov 2013, 9:17 am

Quote:
How do you know if a guy likes you or wants to be friends?


well i guess i am more of a robot than a "guy", but i will let girls have their way with me without much resistance if i like them. however on the other hand, i can not spend more than 12 hours with anyone before i need to escape their clutches.



Shau
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16 Nov 2013, 10:27 am

leafplant wrote:
Um, unless you are already friends with that person and they are of the same sex and neither of you is gay, I can pretty much guarantee you that that sort of invitation would be seen as a romantic overture.


This is presuming that you live within a reasonable distance from the beach, and as one possible example out of billions. Here in New Zealand, reading too much into going to the beach with someone would make you look like a dork.



b9
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16 Nov 2013, 10:39 am

Shau wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Um, unless you are already friends with that person and they are of the same sex and neither of you is gay, I can pretty much guarantee you that that sort of invitation would be seen as a romantic overture.


This is presuming that you live within a reasonable distance from the beach, and as one possible example out of billions. Here in New Zealand, reading too much into going to the beach with someone would make you look like a dork.

it just really dosen't matter.



Uprising
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16 Nov 2013, 10:40 am

Check his pants. :srs:



leafplant
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16 Nov 2013, 10:56 am

Shau wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Um, unless you are already friends with that person and they are of the same sex and neither of you is gay, I can pretty much guarantee you that that sort of invitation would be seen as a romantic overture.


This is presuming that you live within a reasonable distance from the beach, and as one possible example out of billions. Here in New Zealand, reading too much into going to the beach with someone would make you look like a dork.


OP is from the UK. Here, not taking into account other people's cultural differences makes you look like a dork. :P



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16 Nov 2013, 11:01 am

Plus, it's November 16th. Going to the beach for the next six or seven months without wearing ten layers is kind of out! :lol:



Stalk
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16 Nov 2013, 2:11 pm

if the "friend" guy is attracted to the OP, the OP is going to hurt the guy. If not, then it is up to him to want to be friends with her.



Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 4:01 pm

octobertiger wrote:
Birmingham's not exactly by the seaside...

Exactly.
I've been trying to think of something I could invite him to without raising suspicion.


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:07 pm

Well, any chance of simply having lunch together?



leafplant
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16 Nov 2013, 4:09 pm

^ I think you have to smile a lot and cross your fingers that the guy you fancy asks you out. You cannot ask them to anything, they will immediately see you as easy sex. Men are neanderthals. :wink:


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