Do you find it easier to make Non-NT friends than NT friends

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nick007
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12 Oct 2015, 11:33 pm

Yes & it's like that with romantic relationships too. My 1st girlfriend wasn't on the spectrum but she had OCD, ADHD, & sever dyslexia. My other two girlfriends are on the spectrum. I never had luck getting in a relationship with an NT.


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13 Oct 2015, 6:51 am

Looking back over my life, I'd say the majority of my friends have been something other than NT. Most are geeky, quirky and likely undiagnosed ASD (I don't know any people in my age bracket who are diagnosed as on the spectrum). Like someone else said, it's not that I have any particular animosity towards NT's, I just don't have much in common with most of them. And I don't understand some of the unspoken things that they can communicate with a knowing glance and smirk.

I have found, however, that there are some friendly NTs who seem to intuitively understand my neurology and are able to make me comfortable more than most other people can.



Malaise
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13 Oct 2015, 4:53 pm

Most of the people I've been close to have been different, though I can't say whether or not they were all NT. People can be unusual and still NT. Generally, shy people, those with difficult childhoods, or those with a very unusual approach to life got along better with me. I guess we were able to relate to being different and were happy to finally meet someone a little more like ourselves.

I clash with very few people, but I also connect with very few.



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13 Oct 2015, 5:46 pm

I certainly do find it easier to make friends with non-NT/neurodivergent people. In fact, they're the people I feel the safest around. I don't have that kind of safety with NT people. Neurodivergent people are the only ones who ask me about myself and what I'm interested in, rather than asking me the same questions over and over about my post-college plans and things like that. I feel like NT people don't really like me for ME; to them I'm just a kind of dancing bear or trained dog whose tricks are to properly align myself with their expectations for how a 20-something should be. If I deviated from that in any way, shape or form, they'd all be gone in an instant, see if they wouldn't. The neurodivergent/non-NT people that I've known like and care for people unconditionally.


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animalcrackers
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13 Oct 2015, 5:57 pm

I find it hard to make friends with everyone, and hard to maintain friendships.

When I'm lucky, someone takes a liking to me.

When I'm extra-lucky, I make a friend who knows that not hearing from me for a long time does not say anything about my feelings towards them.


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13 Oct 2015, 6:06 pm

LtlPinkCoupe wrote:
I certainly do find it easier to make friends with non-NT/neurodivergent people. In fact, they're the people I feel the safest around. I don't have that kind of safety with NT people. Neurodivergent people are the only ones who ask me about myself and what I'm interested in, rather than asking me the same questions over and over about my post-college plans and things like that. I feel like NT people don't really like me for ME; to them I'm just a kind of dancing bear or trained dog whose tricks are to properly align myself with their expectations for how a 20-something should be. If I deviated from that in any way, shape or form, they'd all be gone in an instant, see if they wouldn't. The neurodivergent/non-NT people that I've known like and care for people unconditionally.


Odd how that works isn't it? (choose your Label) people are the ones supposed to have social issues I thought? Yet typical people all seem to ask the same questions and have the some boring conversations constantly. It's like it's the same 4 or 5 templates duplicated millions of times.



beakybird
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13 Oct 2015, 6:15 pm

I have a very hard time making friends, and an even tougher time keeping them.

All of my friends throughout my life were certainly not typical people. I just don't relate to regular people, and I find most of them painfully uninteresting. I only have one friend now, and he is most certainly some kind of neurodiverse. My wife is too. A "NT' person would not likely want to be my friend as I make no attempt to please people, fit in or be up with the times.

I just don't get how to make friends. The ones I had were mostly when I was in my late teens, early 20's. Most of them have changed dramatically over the last 15+ years. I barely have. And I think that's my biggest problem in regard to making friends.

"NTs" seem to change personalities often. They seem to always having changing interests, changing desires and seem very fickle to me. While some of that is an adaptive-ness I don't relate to or have, that only accounts for a small part. It just seems like they change based on social expectations that they should. This makes it very hard to retain friends. For me at least.

When I was younger I was too mature for most of my peers. In my 20's it was just about right. Now I'm probably too immature. F**k em I say. F**k em all.



GodzillaWoman
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13 Oct 2015, 6:23 pm

I'm not sure how many friends could be called non-NT in the sense of being neurodiverse (having something like autism, OCD, dyslexia, bipolar, etc.) but most of my friends have belonged to one minority or more: GLBT, pagan, the only ethnic minority person in a mostly white school, a girl with a stutter, a boy who later turned out to be bipolar, geeks, nerds, brains, anybody who didn't fit in. I didn't really care for "normal" people. I found them extremely boring and trivial. I considered my outsider friends to be like a collection of rare gems or fine wines, to be savored and appreciated for their uniqueness.


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