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Noca
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24 Aug 2019, 8:18 pm

I don't like eye contact in general though there are a small portion of people that it's easier to look in the eyes than others, it just generally makes it more difficult to concentrate on what they are saying and what I am going to say.


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kmarie57
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24 Aug 2019, 8:26 pm

dyadiccounterpoint wrote:
The worst part is if you start thinking about eye contact while you're speaking to them. It's at that moment that my ability to process the substance of conversation is most dulled.

Otherwise, I naturally try to make occasional looks in their direction and then veer off speaking into the air. If you can get the rhythm of it right, I don't think anyone notices it.

If the conversation is emotionally charged, especially if I am not desiring the interaction, I tend to avoid all eye contact altogether. It's particularly difficult in those situations.


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Mountain Goat
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25 Aug 2019, 12:56 pm

Question. Why do people insist in eye contact anyway? Why is it so important to people. Why do they want to see my eyeballs as I speak to them? Strange eh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


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justin_havu
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30 Jun 2020, 7:51 pm

Hate it. Feels very awkward and uncomfortable, even during a video chat. As stated above, why do people insist on staring directly into my eyeballs? They're nothing special. As far as I know, they're just ordinary, everyday eyeballs.



friendlinzh
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30 Jun 2020, 9:19 pm

I don't even consciously think about eye contact.



Juliette
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01 Jul 2020, 10:16 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I don't tend to naturally give people much eye contact. I can if I'm focusing on giving eye contact, but when I'm doing that, I'm focusing less on the actual conversation itself and may miss things the other person has said.

Anyone relate to this, or have strategies for handling it?


This is very much a part of being on the spectrum, GI. I believe that the majority of us have impaired eye contact, as listed in the DSM-5.

That being as follows:
(A) qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction.
2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level.
3. a lack of sponatneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people, (eg., by a lack of showing, bringing, and pointing out objects of interest to other people).
4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity.

So, eye contact can be made or not made. Also eye contact can be learned(which doesn't make it any less uncomfortable!).

I can only enliken it to "death rays" :P!



CarlM
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01 Jul 2020, 4:16 pm

I find making almost eye contact works for me (look at the forehead, for example). Also, I've less problem as I age.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Sporadic eye contact is usually good enough.

I've heard it said by a social coach that the optimal duration for eye contact is 90% of the conversation. Maybe I should start with sporadic eye contact and try to work up to more sustained eye contact

Thanks for the 90% number. I knew 100% is no good but didn't know how low to go. I've probably been doing like 75% lately, anyhow.


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Steve1963
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01 Jul 2020, 4:20 pm

I've learned to make eyebrow contact. Does that count, or isn't it close enough?



Angnix
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01 Jul 2020, 4:33 pm

I have TOO MUCH eye contact... I think eyes are pretty and one of the first things I notice about people is what color their eyes are... I have enough other aspie characteristics I guess though that people guess I'm aspie... Weird.


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Jakki
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01 Jul 2020, 4:59 pm

Was disciplined seriously when young for not making eye contact , so learned eyebrow contact then managed to link voice stress to occasional eye contact as time went on . Change of inflection or tone meant to watch .Taking note of things about these items seemed prudent but mostly , Listened to the application of words and how they are used.
Think I rather enjoy the company of animals . Their sounds And eyes are usually honest , people eyes and sounds can be misleading sometimes . 8O


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Mountain Goat
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01 Jul 2020, 5:06 pm

Jakki wrote:
Was disciplined seriously when young for not making eye contact , so learned eyebrow contact then managed to link voice stress to occasional eye contact as time went on . Change of inflection or tone meant to watch .Taking note of things about these items seemed prudent but mostly , Listened to the application of words and how they are used.
Think I rather enjoy the company of animals . Their sounds And eyes are usually honest , people eyes and sounds can be misleading sometimes . 8O


Animals are easier, especially cats and dogs! Cats are funny. They don't have to talk.


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livingwithautism
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01 Jul 2020, 9:31 pm

My psychiatrist is always trying to make me make eye contact. Even though he knows it's difficult for me.



Kitenna
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02 Jul 2020, 3:43 am

I actually tend to look people in the eye waaaaay too much. My eye contact is very intense and over-sustained.



1986
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02 Jul 2020, 4:36 am

99% of a conversation I don't make eye contact. Around when I turned 30 I decided understanding the conversation was more important, plus it's more comfortable this way. Nobody has commented on it for years.



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03 Jul 2020, 11:28 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I don't tend to naturally give people much eye contact. I can if I'm focusing on giving eye contact, but when I'm doing that, I'm focusing less on the actual conversation itself and may miss things the other person has said.

Anyone relate to this, or have strategies for handling it?

Yes. I can relate to it. I tend to turn my face towards people now and then, but look to the left or rigt of their face and hope they don't notice! I think it works! :lol:

I think even some NTS do that too. Most don't maintain eye contact through 100% of the conversation.


Absolutely. It's honestly way more awkward to try and maintain eye contact the entire time, and this is something I've also struggled with at times so I just started watching what other people do and they always look away.



RadioDog
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04 Jul 2020, 8:21 pm

I've learned to fake a lot of eye contact, as it began to torque me that I *couldn't* do it (I don't like not being able to do something). And as I've gotten older I'm more comfortable with it overall. But there are still times - usually when I'm tired, or under stress, etc - when it's harder or even impossible.