How to socialise if I don't like nightclubs ?

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chris1989
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26 Oct 2019, 7:40 pm

How am I supposed to socialise with new people if I don't go out to a noisy bar or club on weekends ? I seem to think everyone my age or younger are doing it because they may have more friends than me and I do at times feel like I'm the only one staying indoors.



TimS1980
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26 Oct 2019, 8:10 pm

I get that those are popular.

I doubt, however, that everyone thinks those are the only or best ways to socialize.

I could suggest you join a club or interest group, though you've probably heard that before. I stand by it though.

Look for relationship building opportunities around things like exercise, shared interests, school etc.

The main benefit of doing this, over trying to fit in to the club lifestyle, is that you're more likely to meet people whose view of what constitutes time well spent is compatible with yours.



Mona Pereth
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26 Oct 2019, 8:29 pm

Have you tried looking on Meetup.com for groups of people in your area that share interests of yours?


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enz
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26 Oct 2019, 8:32 pm

Build up confidence by asking for directions or the time

Later on talk to people for longer



CarlM
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26 Oct 2019, 8:41 pm

chris1989 wrote:
How am I supposed to socialise with new people if I don't go out to a noisy bar or club on weekends ? I seem to think everyone my age or younger are doing it because they may have more friends than me and I do at times feel like I'm the only one staying indoors.


I can tell you this was one of the biggest issues for me for much of my early adulthood. I regret not trying harder to find social gatherings better suited to the tribe. I eventually found that hiking groups were good for me. Hiking certainly demands that conversation be conducted without much eye contact which was a big benefit for me. I would keep trying group activities until you find one that works.


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enz
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26 Oct 2019, 8:52 pm

That's right, find something your interested in thats social



Joe90
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27 Oct 2019, 2:42 am

chris1989 wrote:
How am I supposed to socialise with new people if I don't go out to a noisy bar or club on weekends ? I seem to think everyone my age or younger are doing it because they may have more friends than me and I do at times feel like I'm the only one staying indoors.


They are awful places. They're not really designed to make new friends, they are designed to get tarted up and get paraletic out of your head with your friends. The reason? Nobody can possibly sit and have a decent conversation in a crowded, noisy place full of louts getting drunker by the minute, with music blasting louder than WW2, and nowhere to sit or even stand. So there's no other choice but to get drunk, so that they can adapt to such a chaotic environment much easier.

Most NTs make friends at work or at the gym or anywhere else they go to regularly where you can see and hear what you're doing. Most teenagers think going to nightclubs will land them a boyfriend or girlfriend, but it's usually just one night stands that end up in tears. I met my boyfriend on a bus, and I've met my friends at different places like at work (both voluntary and paid jobs).


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27 Oct 2019, 2:49 am

Socialize at work, have new hobbies that require leaving home and talking to other people, ask a family member to introduce you to some of their friends.



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27 Oct 2019, 8:16 am

chris1989 wrote:
How am I supposed to socialise with new people if I don't go out to a noisy bar or club on weekends ? I seem to think everyone my age or younger are doing it because they may have more friends than me and I do at times feel like I'm the only one staying indoors.

Just don't be to much afraid to start to talk to others or to ask them something. Try a honest eye contanct from the beginning. Always try to stay friendly and keep a good mood if doing so, especially if you look in their eyes because others care about your emotions towards them which allways show in your face. Try to read their emotions towards you too by spotting the point between their eyes.


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27 Oct 2019, 8:44 am

Generally I avoid socializing. But what about a model railway club?


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27 Oct 2019, 12:58 pm

I met a very good friend at a college evening class. Might be an idea if there's anything you're interested in learning and can find an affordable one.


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FletcherArrow
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27 Oct 2019, 4:45 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
Generally I avoid socializing. But what about a model railway club?


A model railway club is great if you want to meet other Aspies.

You won't meet women at a model railway club but you might make some worthwhile male friends.



Wolfram87
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28 Oct 2019, 8:35 am

I've never understood how people socialize IN nightclubs.

My suggestion would be take up a new hobby or something. Maybe some low-key educational courses?


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Rainbow_Belle
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28 Oct 2019, 8:48 am

Night clubs/bar and gyms are good places for NTS to socialise and make friends because they are outgoing extroverts with good social skills. For quiet introverted loners with Aspergers with odd, weird interests, eccentric behaviour and limited social skills night clubs/bar and gyms are intimidating places.



kraftiekortie
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28 Oct 2019, 9:23 am

They are unsuitable places----not necessarily "intimidating."



Joe90
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28 Oct 2019, 10:42 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:
Night clubs/bar and gyms are good places for NTS to socialise and make friends because they are outgoing extroverts with good social skills. For quiet introverted loners with Aspergers with odd, weird interests, eccentric behaviour and limited social skills night clubs/bar and gyms are intimidating places.


Not all NTs are outgoing extroverts. :roll:


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