I dont care about having friends or socializing anymore

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

greyasp
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 18

10 May 2020, 7:43 am

I don't think I have any friends anymore. The only people (less than 3) that might be in this category are because we have our horses at the same yard. No other contact tbh.
I lost the only friend I had left (this individual wasn't really my friend, I now realise).
because they were "fed up with me...."
I'm not even sure what happened tbh.

Honestly I look at modern friendships and socializing and all I can think is that I am glad I have nothing to do with that anymore.
It's all fake and lies, convenience.
I don't want anything to do with it.

I'd rather be by myself, and be ok by myself,
or rarely feel a little lonely by myself, than put time and effort into what will (if the past is any indication to go by) turn into a fake friendship,
to be discarded on a whim.

I live at home with my parents and sister, dogs , rabbits Guinea pigs, and see the horses a couple times a month.
I don't work as I am disabled.

Am I wrong in thinking this way?


_________________
I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every minute of it!

Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own, everybody has a private world, where they can be alone.


nadroJ
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 10 Apr 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 109

10 May 2020, 8:56 am

You are not wrong or right in thinking this way.

Having friends who have other friends can be confusing, as they are already occupied with other people, so theres an unpredictable level of loyalty within the relationship.

Some people find being in a friendship/relationship stimulating, some people absorb that and find it underwhelming or overwhelming.

I have no friends, I prefer to spend time alone, and reap little negatives from doing such things.

If you have seen both sides of things, having friends and being alone, then I see no reason why not having friends is an open choice to occupy, regarding the negatives of having friends in hindsight, besides, it is your life, not anyone elses.

Some people feel these social emotions stronger than other.

There is infinite possibilities of what could happen in this life, being alone is 1 out of infinite possibilities of what could happen.



Kitenna
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 5 Jun 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 39
Location: United Kingdon

20 Jun 2020, 10:40 am

nadroJ wrote:
You are not wrong or right in thinking this way.

Having friends who have other friends can be confusing, as they are already occupied with other people, so theres an unpredictable level of loyalty within the relationship.

Some people find being in a friendship/relationship stimulating, some people absorb that and find it underwhelming or overwhelming.

I have no friends, I prefer to spend time alone, and reap little negatives from doing such things.

If you have seen both sides of things, having friends and being alone, then I see no reason why not having friends is an open choice to occupy, regarding the negatives of having friends in hindsight, besides, it is your life, not anyone elses.

Some people feel these social emotions stronger than other.

There is infinite possibilities of what could happen in this life, being alone is 1 out of infinite possibilities of what could happen.


Thank you so much for writing that! :heart:



Minuteman
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 23 Jan 2020
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

20 Jun 2020, 10:20 pm

For me it goes in streaks. I might go months where the only contact I want with people is to say "Combo meal number 3 with a Coke." Then I have periods where I need to be around people, even if it's just to take in a conversation between others. Over time I've learned not to overanalyze the streaks and just go with the flow. If I'm i the mood to be around people, I find ways to make that happen. If I feel like staying in my room all day, that's no problem.



Dreamtastic
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 8 Jun 2020
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 38
Location: Tucson, Arizona, United States

21 Jun 2020, 8:05 pm

I often feel pretty much just like what you wrote here. :) Making friends has always been hard for me, and I have found over the years that it's not easy for me to relate to the vast majority of people in the world. Just like you, I often feel like most people are fake and most so-called friendships have ulterior motives.

There are plenty of times when I just want to be alone and not deal with people anymore. There are times I tell myself that I am okay with never having friends again.

But the thing is, I have found a few good friends during the course of my life. It's not easy finding the ones who are different and who can relate to the way you feel, but I've learned that is definitely possible. Unfortunately for me, I'm not as close to those friends as I used to be because of my many moves around the country, but that was my choice. :) I still like to hold out hope though that even in a brand-new place I will find maybe at least one or two folks who I feel like I can relate to.

I think that's the important thing, not giving up on looking for that special friend or two. The vast majority of people may not make good friends for folks like us, but there are people out there in the world who do. :)

Another thing is to remember that friendship is two-sided rather than just all take. A lot of times I find myself focusing on what a good friend or two could do for me or that they have to be able to relate to me and understand me, and I forget that they might want the same things from me. I think taking that step beyond ourselves and truly trying to understand another person is a good thing for all of us. :)



blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,583

21 Jun 2020, 8:24 pm

I generally prefer to be alone.


_________________
Eyes that watch the morning star
usually shine brighter,
Arms held out to dark they say,
usually hold tighter.


Threnody, Dorothy Parker
as modified by David Tamulovich


killerBunny
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 85

23 Jun 2020, 7:44 pm

This might feel right but your feeling is most likely one underpinned with frustration and resentment. It will work for a while. You will eventually realize that the anger and frustration to support that line of thinking is not sustainable.



Harrison Chick
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 26 Jun 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Los Angeles

27 Jun 2020, 12:24 am

I like being around people who are interesting, but sometimes, especially if I can predict people's sentiments or ideas, I find myself getting antsy having to wait while they speak what I already know and expect. Life is so short, and wasting time seems so misguided.

I always feel like if the conversation does not have the intellectual stimulation of a Bronte novel, then why bother. I could be reading instead!

But the only caveat is that life can be very lonely. I personally have no friends. But I do have a lot of books. :)



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,552

27 Jun 2020, 8:29 am

Not everyone has the same priorities

You are not wrong

However in some situations it is inconvenient to not have enough friends



Deanne
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 10 Jun 2020
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Oregon

01 Jul 2020, 1:02 pm

killerBunny wrote:
This might feel right but your feeling is most likely one underpinned with frustration and resentment. It will work for a while. You will eventually realize that the anger and frustration to support that line of thinking is not sustainable.


I don't think this is true for everyone. I'm not a social person, I'm in my mid-50s and my lifestyle has been sustainable. I remember when I moved away from Minnesota at 29 and I expressed relief at leaving my friends behind because they were just too much work. I don't remember who I said this to and I didn't see a problem with this statement, but I remember that person expressing shock at my statement.

I just enjoy being alone. I don't get lonely. Sometimes, even my dog is too much company. That being said, I do see three people regularly. One for Pilates twice/week. I've been seeing my trainer for 1:1 sessions for 5 years. I recently returned after three months away due to the virus. My trainer is great and I enjoy talking to him, but I didn't miss him during the months away. It was actually hard to return and if I hadn't just paid for the next 6 months before the lockdown, I don't know if I'd've gone back.

The second is to go walking every weekend. We've been walking together every week for over 20 years. We don't talk outside of walking, and I'd usually rather just walk alone, even though I also enjoy talking to her.

The third is a neighbor I see several times/week. She's my dog's best friend and my dog drags me over to her house regularly. While I don't dislike talking to her, I don't feel any sort of attachment.

People tend to be out-of-sight = out-of-mind for me.



Steve1963
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: western MA, USA

01 Jul 2020, 1:22 pm

Deanne wrote:
People tend to be out-of-sight = out-of-mind for me.
I totally get that. With staying home due to the virus and not getting out much, I'm finding that I don't miss any of the people I used to run into. It's actually kind of nice.