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KT67
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14 May 2020, 6:34 pm

Whenever 'what are you missing' gets brought up on social media, people bring up their friends and family. Even people they've been speaking with every day.

I don't miss a single human.

Socialising is socialising to me. I'm still socialising with all my family whether through texting or phone or Zoom or irl (I live with parents). I'm socialising online on here and social media.

All I miss is things. But I feel guilty saying that when everyone else has mentioned somebody rather than something...

I'm actually dead set on not returning to some social situations. For eg crowds. I never want to be in a crowd again. I never want to make small talk again. I never want to be around kids with sticky fingers again.

Does this lack of missing people mean I hate people? Does it make me a bad person? Is this an aspie thing/social anxiety thing?

(I also don't miss my cousin's leapy dog who doesn't know how to approach people without jumping on them. :roll: Hope that mutt stays away from me at Christmas.)



IsabellaLinton
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14 May 2020, 6:39 pm

No you aren't a misanthrope KT. You live with your mother and your stepdad and you care about them. You care about your father too. You worry about him a lot. If you were a misanthrope you wouldn't care about anyone. You don't want to see your family because you are already with them, so you haven't had an absence. Most people here aren't talking about missing people other than their parents, their children, or their significant other, if they're separated by lockdown. You don't have an SO or children / grandchildren, and you are already with your mother / stepdad.

Today I felt like seeing my brother but the feeling passed after ten minutes. I'm fine to text him. Even in normal life I only see him a few times a year, usually for special occasions, and yet he lives about three miles from my house.



KT67
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15 May 2020, 9:37 am

Thanks Isabella.

I read a 'poem' about social distancing and it made me feel bad. It had lines like 'never take a crowd for granted'. Thing is, I wasn't taking crowds for granted, they were creating in me feelings like I was going to have a meltdown and once when I was abroad I almost fainted in a crowd.

And people are talking about missing their loved ones (I get it with missing little ones or very old ppl, granddad won't zoom) but - we're still in contact... ? :scratch: That confuses me :scratch:

It's the same when my parents go on holiday. Mum says 'did you miss me?'. I find I have to lie cos the truth is of course I didn't miss someone I was constantly texting.

I missed her when I went on holiday for a week as a kid cos all we had was one phone call in the whole week.



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15 May 2020, 9:51 am

Was the poem by an autistic person? Don't forget that it's completely normal for autistic people to dislike crowds and social gatherings. Now, that preference is reinforced even more for us because we worry about germs and other people's welfare on top of it all. We're deep thinkers so we get anxious about healthcare workers and the snowball effect too.

It's also OK that you don't miss your mum when she's on holiday. You're a grown adult! You see her every day of your life when she's home (which would drive most people mad). It's normal that you enjoy having privacy, regardless of the fact you are autistic.

You have a huge heart and you love your family dearly. That's all that matters! Hang tight and be yourself. :heart:



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15 May 2020, 12:52 pm

I thought I had social anxiety (well, I did), but now I'm craving for crowds again. I just miss going into a store and not having to queue up outside or having to remember to keep 2 metres apart from others or not to go the wrong way around the store. Life was much easier when you could just walk into a store, do your shopping at your own pace, pay without having any distancing rules, and leave the store.

Or maybe it's not the crowds I'm missing as such, but the freedom and normality.


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Edna3362
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15 May 2020, 6:23 pm

Not misanthropy.


Probably introversion or/and asociality.

One can be very social (emotionally and socially ful/filling and appreciative) yet asocial (in essence and intent, indifferent and lack of social drives and desires).
All and all, social anxiety or lack of thereof does not factor.


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Jakki
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15 May 2020, 10:18 pm

perhaps you just have autism ,, defo sounds like you might be somewhere on the spectrum .

or a hermit ? :D


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KT67
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16 May 2020, 4:30 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I thought I had social anxiety (well, I did), but now I'm craving for crowds again. I just miss going into a store and not having to queue up outside or having to remember to keep 2 metres apart from others or not to go the wrong way around the store. Life was much easier when you could just walk into a store, do your shopping at your own pace, pay without having any distancing rules, and leave the store.

Or maybe it's not the crowds I'm missing as such, but the freedom and normality.


Yeah my mum's shielded so we're shielded in practice. So we're online shopping. Most of the time that's easy, it's only difficult when you have to queue for online shopping which I can't remember being a 'thing' before.

I think it might be like a human equivalent when mum's dog can hear her outside. If she's out properly (pre lockdown/when she's at hospital) she doesn't whinny. When mum's in the garden and she's not, she whinnies. Maybe being so close to freedom makes the lack of it harder than what I have which is totally being at home for months.

And yeah I'm on the spectrum, like most people on here. And have diagnosed social anxiety.



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23 May 2020, 4:49 pm

You’re a misanthrope if you hate people in general—and hate every individual person you meet—and show that hatred.

Many people who hate humanity “in general” are actually very pleasant people. I wouldn’t call a person like that a “misanthrope.”



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29 May 2020, 8:47 pm

There isn't even anything wrong with being a misanthrope. Nobody is obligated to like people.


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kraftiekortie
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04 Jun 2020, 9:21 am

Nobody is obligated not to dislike people who dislike all people.

There’s too much dislike these days just for the sake of proving that one has the right to dislike.



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04 Jun 2020, 9:34 am

Sure, misanthropy is the general hatred, dislike, distrust or contempt of humanity and/or human nature, and a misanthrope or misanthropist is someone who holds such views or feelings; but what about a person who simply does not care?

I don't mean "does not care about others"; I mean "has ambiguous feelings toward humanity and/or human nature".  Is the correct word "athropic"?  Is that even a word?


:shrug: I honestly don't know!


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TuskenR
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04 Jun 2020, 5:29 pm

KT67 wrote:
Does this lack of missing people mean I hate people? Does it make me a bad person? Is this an aspie thing/social anxiety thing?


Probably not. No. I'm the same and it's not anxiety with me.


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16 Jun 2020, 8:00 am

I am the same. I miss going out and doing my makeup but that's it. I don't have anyone to miss anyway.



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19 Jun 2020, 11:14 am

My dream as a child was to live on Gilligan's Island, but without the other castaways, or to live like Grizzly Adams.

Sometimes I hate humankind, but only when I read about horrible individuals. I mostly just love isolation.



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21 Jun 2020, 3:04 pm

I feel the same way... in no way am I a misanthrope... people and social contexts pull all of the energy out of me.
I actually like my teammates but I am dreading going back to the office.

Especially after a rare and precious work friendship blew up due to my aspieness before the lockdown!

My biggest compliment to anyone is: "Being with you is as good as being alone." NTs don't seem to like that, lol.

What I feel you are doing, is invalidating your own experience by labeling yourself bad... or even asking the question. This is a learned behavior that many aspies have because our internal experience is constantly invalidated. It is sometimes part of impostor syndrome.


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C = Cultural (NT), EC = Extra-Cultural (ASD)
U = understanding ~ ADD/ADHD
A = acceptance ~ baseline, normal
T = trust ~ possible schizotypal disorder
R = respect ~ NPD
C = cerebral (adrenaline averse), S = somatic (adrenaline seeking)

I am ECUC/S (cusp cerebral/somatic)