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RoadRatt
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17 May 2020, 11:20 am

I have no idea how to make real life friends, or even connect with people in my area. I look online and I always get dating sites suggested, which isn't what I want. I have never owned a cellphone, nor used apps.

How do you connect with people in your area?


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Kelspook
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18 May 2020, 8:53 pm

Hiya. Clubs that match your interests work I find. At least youre starting from the point that you have something in common. Our little town has a monthly listing of all the clubs and who to contact if you're interested, maybe yours might have something similar?



I love belko61
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18 May 2020, 9:22 pm

Meetup is a good site if you live in a city, but most small towns have limited options. I've been to a few porch parties over the years - fun, good music.

https://www.meetup.com/



CarlM
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18 May 2020, 10:20 pm

All good advice above. Think about your interests and where you can meet people with the same interests. If you list your interests here maybe we can help. List all interests, not just ones where you think you could meet people with that interest.


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Gentleman Argentum
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24 May 2020, 2:02 pm

RoadRatt wrote:
I have no idea how to make real life friends, or even connect with people in my area. I look online and I always get dating sites suggested, which isn't what I want. I have never owned a cellphone, nor used apps.

How do you connect with people in your area?


Me, I go to church. That and work seem to be enough for me. Work is 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week guaranteed socialization. So really I don't need anything else, I'm socially over-saturated as it is. If church is unpalatable to you (come on, even the fuzzy liberal congregations like Unitarian Universalists?) then think along the lines of work, part-time and / or volunteering. That is a big reason people volunteer in the first place.


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Summer_Twilight
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27 May 2020, 10:49 am

Some other tips for joining clubs of your special interests

1. Research on things like body language and facial expressions
2. Work on social skills
3. Use reflective therapy by looking at yourself in the mirror and tell them you want to be their friend

If you don't connect with anyone at those clubs and groups, just enjoy your own company and learn to like yourself because the right friends will come in.

As for connecting, there are predators out there who will look like they are interested in you but have an agenda. For those situations use closed body language.



Gentleman Argentum
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28 May 2020, 4:50 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Some other tips for joining clubs of your special interests

1. Research on things like body language and facial expressions
2. Work on social skills
3. Use reflective therapy by looking at yourself in the mirror and tell them you want to be their friend

If you don't connect with anyone at those clubs and groups, just enjoy your own company and learn to like yourself because the right friends will come in.

As for connecting, there are predators out there who will look like they are interested in you but have an agenda. For those situations use closed body language.


I agree with the above, in particular, "just enjoy your own company and learn to like yourself," because as RuPaul always said, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anyone else?"

Love really starts with accepting, understanding, forgiving and loving self.

A lot of people never forgive themselves for this that or the other and wind up drinking, doing drugs and all sorts of stupid nonsense.


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kjeezy0127
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06 Jun 2020, 8:19 pm

[quote="RoadRatt"]I have no idea how to make real life friends, or even connect with people in my area. I look online and I always get dating sites suggested, which isn't what I want. I have never owned a cellphone, nor used apps.

How do you connect with people in your area?[/quote

I'd recommend Meetup.com and meeting up with people based on common interests. Do you know anyone from school or the like? You could try and meet up with them to get to know them better. If their is mutual interest, You could then see if they would like to be friends with you. :). Also, I agree with researching about reading body language and facial expressions as that can be difficult for people on the spectrum.



Steve1963
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10 Jun 2020, 4:51 am

RoadRatt wrote:
I have no idea how to make real life friends, or even connect with people in my area.


I've never understood how to want to make friends in real life. I'm 57 and am not sure if I've ever had a real friend. I've had "friends" who I drank and drugged with, but I considered them more like aquaintances. Is it possible to learn how to want friends at this stage of my life?



Summer_Twilight
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10 Jun 2020, 7:37 am

Meet up.com



I love belko61
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10 Jun 2020, 7:59 pm

Steve1963 wrote:
RoadRatt wrote:
I have no idea how to make real life friends, or even connect with people in my area.


I've never understood how to want to make friends in real life. I'm 57 and am not sure if I've ever had a real friend. I've had "friends" who I drank and drugged with, but I considered them more like aquaintances. Is it possible to learn how to want friends at this stage of my life?


I grew up exactly like this! The idea of friends is great but people can be so inconvenient and unreliable. I prefer to "know people" and can only fake being excited over the latest revelation in someone's life so often. It isn't natural.



Steve1963
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11 Jun 2020, 4:50 am

it's lonely sometimes without friends though, isn't it? i'm fortunate enough to be married with 5 kids, so I've got all the "friends" I could ever need. but I can't imagine what my life would be without them.



JustFoundHere
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14 Jun 2020, 5:01 pm

From my own personal experiences, the main criteria regarding AS/HFA might best be described as a "Goldilocks Zone of sorts" regarding social environments.

Increasingly, I sense that something similar to a "Goldilocks Zone" encouraging active social participation (relative to AS/HFA) as being settings where there is some awareness of AS/HFA - yet not too much awareness of AS/HFA.

Naturally, this is easier said (or written) than actually done!

Personally, participation in arts-related activities has proven to be "an ice breaker of sorts" (my arts instructor is an NT experienced in teaching the arts to both developmentally disabled, and NTs).

I sense that the arts encourage active participation; that is to activate those overlooked parts of the brain which might just "break the ice" so to speak in..............boosting social-skills.

Since 'Stay At Home' directives, many in-person arts activities have been cancelled. Even with ASD, I sense that alot of beneficial activities have been "put on hold!"