Are you resistant to peer pressure/groupthink?

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BenderRodriguez
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02 Jul 2020, 6:32 am

Pepe wrote:

We will have to agree to disagree.
We, on the spectrum, tend to have different priorities.
E.G.
I don't have a natural empathy with other people,
Hence, it is easier for me to prioritise the Truth over a "friendship" which is dependent on lies to maintain that friendship.
Hoowa! :ninja: :wink:


As I said, not everybody does it, but I see it.

I'll allow you to disagree... this time :P but I fully agree that a friendship that relies on lies and partisanship is not a real friendship.

Also, not all aspies are like you... unfortunately :wink:


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Pepe
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03 Jul 2020, 6:53 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Pepe wrote:

We will have to agree to disagree.
We, on the spectrum, tend to have different priorities.
E.G.
I don't have a natural empathy with other people,
Hence, it is easier for me to prioritise the Truth over a "friendship" which is dependent on lies to maintain that friendship.
Hoowa! :ninja: :wink:


As I said, not everybody does it, but I see it.

I'll allow you to disagree... this time :P but I fully agree that a friendship that relies on lies and partisanship is not a real friendship.

Also, not all aspies are like you... unfortunately :wink:


I see us auties as the ultimate individuals.
I am happy to be "different".
Most of us are, in a positive way.
However,
As you indicated, and choosing my own words, some have been seduced away from their autistic nature by toxic NT social brainwashing.

By default, I think those on the spectrum would gravitate naturally towards critical thinking.
But unfortunately, some have been captured by the allure of collectivistic groupthink.
Most disappointing,
But, c'est la vie. <shrug>


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vvvvv
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03 Jul 2020, 10:22 pm

ABSOLUTELY.

I understand what's going on, and I understand why people are doing what they're doing but I can't for the life of me figure out why that motivation is worth doing that thing. When I go along with a group it's because that's what's easy, or I actually agree, but ultimately I don't invest time in relationships where the other person doesn't think for themselves.

I think it has to do with the fact that while we lack the social instincts they're acting upon, we actually might have a set of our own with a different hierarchy of values that motivate our actions. For example, we value the truth over most things. This leads us to be a little too honest about someone's unattractive haircut because to us the truth is preferred over a lie to make us feel good about it (we also wouldn't ask the question if we didn't want the truth so why would someone else?). Well one reason an NT would ask that question is that they may already know it's a bad haircut and they now need someone to make them feel better about it, and an NT's instinct would value making them feel better over the truth (I personally think the truth does make me feel better but again, I have aspergers so what do I know).

I think that this different set of values and our own version of social instincts (learned or whatever they are), on one level makes it harder to even know what to follow and go along with in group settings but on another level I do think that to a large degree it makes us resistant to it. A trait humanity honestly needs more of.



Pepe
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04 Jul 2020, 7:22 am

vvvvv wrote:
ABSOLUTELY.

I understand what's going on, and I understand why people are doing what they're doing but I can't for the life of me figure out why that motivation is worth doing that thing. When I go along with a group it's because that's what's easy, or I actually agree, but ultimately I don't invest time in relationships where the other person doesn't think for themselves.

I think it has to do with the fact that while we lack the social instincts they're acting upon, we actually might have a set of our own with a different hierarchy of values that motivate our actions. For example, we value the truth over most things. This leads us to be a little too honest about someone's unattractive haircut because to us the truth is preferred over a lie to make us feel good about it (we also wouldn't ask the question if we didn't want the truth so why would someone else?). Well one reason an NT would ask that question is that they may already know it's a bad haircut and they now need someone to make them feel better about it, and an NT's instinct would value making them feel better over the truth (I personally think the truth does make me feel better but again, I have aspergers so what do I know).

I think that this different set of values and our own version of social instincts (learned or whatever they are), on one level makes it harder to even know what to follow and go along with in group settings but on another level I do think that to a large degree it makes us resistant to it. A trait humanity honestly needs more of.


Yup. :mrgreen:


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RadioDog
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04 Jul 2020, 8:18 pm

I am resistant. Most things that people want to do or feel or participate in seem ridiculous to me. When I was younger I was very dismissive of others and thought people were idiots. But as I learned more about their social world and began then to participate in some of it, it still mostly seems odd or ridiculous but I just see them as different.

I guess for me it's like I've learned another language that will never be native to me, and I will never be more than just passable in my expertise in it, but it's never going to make me a native. And I'm just fine with that (except for when it's led to bullying/etc).



questor
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05 Jul 2020, 6:13 pm

Your description mostly fits me. I do sometimes go along with what others want, but only if it suites me. If I am really not interested or am set against something that others are for, I go my own way.

I was never part of any groups growing up, and was always tormented by the other kids right up thru high school, so I had no real interest in joining their groups. Why would I want to join groups of young monsters that amused themselves by tormenting me? This being outside the herd was hard, but it had benefits too, as you found out. I didn't get into all the trouble that so many of the other young people brought on themselves. Like you, I was able to stand outside these groups, watch, and learn from their mistakes. I became better able to think for myself at a very young age, which further separated me from the herd. I still made mistaken choices of my own at times, but that was mostly because of the inexperience due to my being young, and not because of following the herd, so I didn't make as many mistakes as they made.

I've clocked more than 6 decades on the wrong planet now, and I still prefer going solo. I never married, never had a boyfriend, never had kids, and never wanted any of that. My choice, and my life. The major downer of my life was having to live with other people for most of my life. Being an introvert and an Aspy, this made my life pretty rough, but I've been fortunate to live alone, and apart from the herd for almost 15 years now. I am not an anti-social hermit type, just a non-social one, so I do get along with people when I have to be with others, but I am able to be alone almost all of the time, so I am better able to handle the short times I have to be with others because of it. I also get along better with relatives now that we don't live together.

Family is another type of peer group, and I don't do good in peer groups. As the saying goes, "I will never join any group that will have me as a member." (Not sure, but I think this quote is by the comedian, Groucho Marx.) Anyway, I do better alone, outside the herd, but I don't need to be way outside, as I am able to socialize in a small way at times. Being an Aspy, I'm fairly close to the Norms, so I can get along with them when I have to, but also, being an introverted Aspy, I need to be on my own most of the time. The life I lead now offers me all of that.

I hope everyone on the spectrum can find the life that suits them best. Keep well all.


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livingwithautism
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17 Jul 2020, 3:15 pm

I'm pretty oblivious to peer pressure however I can be manipulated easily due to vulnerability caused by my autism. I don't know what groupthink is.



Pepe
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18 Jul 2020, 2:51 am

livingwithautism wrote:
I'm pretty oblivious to peer pressure however I can be manipulated easily due to vulnerability caused by my autism. I don't know what groupthink is.


Quote:
Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. https://www.google.com/search?client=fi ... groupthink


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Edna3362
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18 Jul 2020, 5:35 am

Technically yes.

Yet, there's nothing for me to resist because deep down I don't care. :lol: But that's the nature of asociality.

If I don't like something, I won't go and join in.
If I happened to like something, then I may dive in.

But I'm an ambivert, not an introvert -- so it's not as simple as that.

With enough boredom and energy to double dare with myself in a moment, I'd dive into anything simply because I'm bored than coerced or that because everyone is doing it too.
I can dare myself maintain social harmony -- or not. It'll be my choice to take.

If I simply had no energy like at all, I'd be closed off and definitely resist.
Likely in an aggressive manner because social harmony be damned and I simply want out of it.


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naturalplastic
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18 Jul 2020, 7:06 am

Absolutely!

I am my own man, and always think for myself, and am always a freethinking individual!

And the reason I am that way is...because thats what you're supposed to be to fit in! :D



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18 Jul 2020, 4:31 pm

I see that my notifications have stopped again. How many others get this trouble intermittently?