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fegejej905
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10 Aug 2020, 2:16 pm

I have a friend from first grade and we still together



whatacrazyride
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10 Aug 2020, 10:46 pm

Most of my friends are 25-50 years older than I, and some have passed away. That said, most of my friends are older with grandchildren, and the two friends that are my age have multiple children. Yet at times, I feel very lonely. I am an extroverted introvert; I need social interaction, but trying to play the social game wears me out. I find pursuing friendship to be very exhausting; that said, my definition of friendship is very strict; I only have 5-7 people that I would actually call "friend". Right now, it feels that I have no close friends; it might be due to COVID. I felt like I was supposed to pursue a friendship with a guy 30 years my senior (I am a male); we had something lined out, only for him to bail on me (with seemingly a legit reason, but I've seen this movie before - he acts like he wants to get together at a later time). I'm in the hospital now, who knows.



funeralxempire
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11 Aug 2020, 1:50 am

Jakki wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
No, not really. I don't think a plug counts.


"Counted my friends in , burnt out spark plugs , " jethro tull . :skull:


Plugs aren't friends, they're providers of a product. You're not their friend, you're just a customer.



Jakki
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11 Aug 2020, 10:41 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Jakki wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
No, not really. I don't think a plug counts.


"Counted my friends in , burnt out spark plugs , " jethro tull . :skull:


Plugs aren't friends, they're providers of a product. You're not their friend, you're just a customer.

Hoping this was meant with humour :D. I did alittle twist on the concept of a plug. Versus musical lyrics from a older Rock n Roll band’s lyrics , a plug for advertising was suppose to be different from a vehicles spark plug .


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funeralxempire
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11 Aug 2020, 12:13 pm

Jakki wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jakki wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
No, not really. I don't think a plug counts.


"Counted my friends in , burnt out spark plugs , " jethro tull . :skull:


Plugs aren't friends, they're providers of a product. You're not their friend, you're just a customer.

Hoping this was meant with humour :D. I did alittle twist on the concept of a plug. Versus musical lyrics from a older Rock n Roll band’s lyrics , a plug for advertising was suppose to be different from a vehicles spark plug .


I was just clarifying which meaning of plug I meant. :wink:



blooiejagwa
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11 Aug 2020, 10:43 pm

not sure. i call them friends and vice versa (i think out of pity/kindness on their parts) but haven't seen them in years, over a decade, or maybe once a year max-
and nothing else. some of them were just daughters of my parents' friends. half of them , aren't even on the same continent as me.

we moved too much in my life but when i did have them face to face i wd always run off after 5-10 minutes and hide somewhere as it got to be too much 00

or just sit quietly and absorb it but not really be someone who talked...just sort of accepted and took in everyone and someone told me "you're only weird because you're too normal" which i guess meant calm and quiet.
(which ive totally changed in that aspect, as it was just a facade)

it depended..
but it wasn't ever like how a lot of people here are lucky enough to have. Which im super jealous of.



in past 10 years i had no opportunity to do anything but make 'friends' with whoever my XH's friends' wives and girlfriends were, when we met them.
n he stopped bringing them over or taking me over after my first son was born ...
:cry: so i had nobody. but to be honest i never feel 100% comfortable to begin with with any adult... always they leave me in the dust as their conversation becomes too weird or complicated but i just pretend like im enjoying it.. well i do enjoy being a hostess


the answer would be ...yes- my kids - they are totally my friends! and my son's therapist's 8 year old daughter.


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blooiejagwa
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11 Aug 2020, 10:52 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I find now that I am in my 50s I have no desire to develop new friendships. Its really too much effort,

I reminisce about friends of old; we knew each other well. But too much water has now passed under the bridge to rekindle old friendships...except my favourite best friend was a girl named Tracy who was my best friend in second grade primary school. We had the purest friendship and for some reason she is the only friend I miss. Only check box on my friend bucket list.

Of course in real life If I found her she would think I was being weird and creepy to have even remembered her :lol:


i had a friend like that, i know exactly what you mean.

his name was Omar, in grade 1, and i feel the same .
i have cried lots of times, remembering that friendship.


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blooiejagwa
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11 Aug 2020, 11:00 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
I do.
Though, I don't keep them. :lol: If others want to keep it and keep coming to me for it, I'd honor it.

I happened to be one of those asocial autistics with no social drive.
This does not mean I don't enjoy or appreciate relationships.


Had I've been socially driven, keeping friends would be willfully two-way than mainly one-way laissez faire style of socialization.


Loneliness is not a part of the parcel of autism, it's a part of human parcel. :o


you're like my son's best nurse (who taught him to walk) Irene.

except she had lots of friends somehow, because everyone loved her automatically.
though she was not going out of her way for FRIENDSHIP. she was just being herself.
she is exactly like you actually, from other things you have said on WP.. at least in thought/temperament.

she is probably destined for the highest rank in heaven because of who she is and all she has done.

also my friend Ruba is like you, but she also has lots of friends (at least, from my point of view) somehow but definitely Aspie. but somehow way more capable

but she isnt here, her parents moved her overnight years ago from that country (that i was in) to another, and she's working there now, nobody but immediate family attended her wedding because it was amid the covid19 stuff recently, but she looked amazing.


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eyelessshiver
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14 Aug 2020, 1:05 pm

I have some, but not a whole lot. Mainly I have my family, including wife, parents, brothers and sisters and their partners.

Then I have one good friend I've kept from school, who lives in town and I see sometimes. I also am friendly with some of his friends but we don't talk much. I believe I also have a few old friends from school who live nearby, who I've mostly lost touch with, but I could reach out to them if I asked around for their contact info or met them at one of my friend's parties.

Then I have another good friend who I've kept from school, who doesn't live in town who I don't see often.

Then my wife has some friends, who I am friendly with. I think I could get closer with these people but haven't talked with them much at this point. Epidemic lockdown has made this harder.

I had quite a few friends from college who I didn't keep in touch with. I have an old FB account somewhere I could maybe use to reach out to them, but kind of feel it's too late at this point.

One of my issues is I (no longer) drink, smoke pot, or use any other substances. So I have to interact with people on those grounds. So most partying situations are no longer all that fun for me.

After Covid and sometime in the future, when I buy my grand piano, I am thinking of holding meetups at my house. People can play my piano and we can have a social group to make friends with other pianists. It sounds good in theory but I guess we'll see.


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goaszw1997
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01 Sep 2020, 8:53 pm

I have a few close friends from elementary & middle school. We've had our ups and downs in the past 10+ years, but we've stuck together the whole way. When I was younger, I would have anger outbursts, they stuck with me through that where no one else would've. I cannot appreciate them enough!



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01 Sep 2020, 11:22 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't have many close friends. I have one close friend, her friend who I am also friends with (but she's the link between us tbh), a few older church friends, a handful of distant childhood friends and a few online friends.

I still feel lonely a lot. Is this kind of loneliness part of the parcel with Autism? :T


I haven't been lonely nor depressed for 30 years.
I believe loneliness affects younger people to a larger extent.
It is part of evolution at work.

Loneliness is intended to "force" people to find company with the blind intention to reproduce. 8O :wink:
Once the sex hormones reduce, the loneliness usually diminishes also.
Well, that has been my experience, and makes logical sense to me. 8)

But this is just a casual generalisation.
If someone has their primary needs met, when they are older, I imagine what I said is usually the case.
If not, "then all bets are off". 8O


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And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


kitten_caboodle
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02 Sep 2020, 10:23 am

I have two best friends I've known since I was about ten. One lives far away but I see the other one about every two weeks just to watch tv or a movie, or go for a walk. Its harder to make friends as an adult. The women at work were nice but I wouldn't want to spend much time with them except for work reasons.



AcidicBlue3127
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02 Sep 2020, 7:04 pm

I do not have any friends :(

I have one guy I talk to online a little...but that is all.

Yes, it is part of autism to struggle with relationships and friendships.



Pepe
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02 Sep 2020, 8:51 pm

AcidicBlue3127 wrote:
I do not have any friends :(

I have one guy I talk to online a little...but that is all.

Yes, it is part of autism to struggle with relationships and friendships.


I lot of aspies prefer to have little social involvement.


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


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02 Sep 2020, 8:58 pm

I view myself as a fairly friendly, even outgoing (on occasion) type and yet when think back upon my life I have generally been achingly, unbearably lonely. My family were sullen immigrants indifferent or even hostile to me, and my neighborhood was ghetto antisocial. I had a brief social whirl at college, but it left me exhausted and confused.

I think I have the wants friends gene, but lack the get friends gene.


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Filippa
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03 Sep 2020, 5:50 am

No, I don't have friends, unless family (parents + sibling) counts as friends.
It's ok though. I've never felt lonely.

I do sometimes wonder what it's like to have a best friend (outside of the family, that is), but the at the same time I find maintaining a friendship to be very exhausting and confusing.

I was part of a little group of friends/acquaintances about 15 years ago or so. We shared a mutual interest, and got to know each other through an internet forum.
They ditched me, because I was weird. I had "odd" obsessions, which I know now were special interests. For example, I had an obsession with serial killers at one point, back then. I guess I talked about it a little too often and too enthusiastically, and they really thought I was a creep. :|


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