NTs can say whatever they like and we can't

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cyberdad
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26 Aug 2020, 11:32 pm

SharonB wrote:
I suspect my daughter is the same. By 3 mos I could see she was notably watchful, thoughtful, but seemingly unreactive (unless she's overreactive ;) ) - at age 3 caretakers could see it: "she sees everything" - and says little (unless she's talking "too much"). For my family (four generations of AS women at least), I think it's not so much a lack of seeing and understanding the cues (we are all hypersensitive), it's about our differing perspective or what to do about it.

I "taught" my daughter to return smiles, I "taught" her to give return hugs (when appropriate) --- again, it doesn't mean she doesn't see and understand the input, it's about the "disconnected" output. She still runs past classmates who are calling out to her --- it appears she doesn't hear, but when I check with her, she does hear them... she doesn't take action. Sometimes her younger NT brother (age 6) or I will say to her "your friends are calling you..." and sometimes she'll call out over her shoulder, or slow down enough to give a distracted wave. At age 9 she doesn't play catch yet. At one time, my (NT) dad played catch with me for hours, but I think I was a teenager. All in good time. :)

It's fantastic that your daughter has you to look out for her growth... and play (your version) of "catch" with her.


Thanks SharonB, yes it sounds like its a information processing difference between our daughters and their NT counterparts. With the lockdown I get an opportunity to listen to my daughter's interaction with her classmates and teacher online. I must admit she's much more disciplined than I anticipated with regard to waiting for cues to speak with them than she is with us parents :lol: . She is continually surprising us.



Pepe
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26 Aug 2020, 11:59 pm

KT67 wrote:
I often get this with jokers.

For eg...
My mum and stepdad went to their neighbours & they said 'where have you been today' cos we'd been out. So they told them the name of the beach. The female neighbour said 'oh I was conceived on that beach'. Then they were talking about hen parties in our town & she said 'the bigger the girl, the shorter the skirt'. And fashion trends & she said 'my dad said if mini skirts got any shorter I'd have more hair to comb and two more cheeks to powder'...

If I'd said even one of those, people would look at me strangely and not want to be my friend.

But they just saw it as funny from her and saw her as a right laugh.

I don't get it. And I don't like it. It's double standards.


You don't get it because you are a "baby". :mrgreen:
You are too young to appreciate what life was like without political correctness on steroids.
Back then, people were allowed to joke.
People were allowed to enjoy humour.

Comedians say that humour is on its deathbed because of PC.
I agree. 8)

Quote:
7 famous comedians who said political correctness is killing comedy

Is “politically correct” culture killing comedy?

Veteran comedian Mel Brooks said, yes, that’s exactly what’s happening. In an interview with BBC radio on Wednesday, Brooks said he would not have been able to do “Blazing Saddles” in today’s age because it would have offended a lot of people.

Political correctness, sometimes called “P.C. culture,” is generally the practice of deliberately avoiding language or actions that offend others, particularly as it refers to gender or race.

“We have become stupidly politically correct, which is the death of comedy,” Brooks said. “Comedy has to walk a thin line, take risks.” https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/op ... story.html


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Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


Last edited by Pepe on 27 Aug 2020, 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Pepe
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27 Aug 2020, 12:13 am

Joe90 wrote:
I know how you mean. It's like my uncle was showing a photo of himself naked in bed with his new girlfriend (the private areas were not exposed in the picture), and my family looked and laughed, cringing but in a jokey way. But when I wanted to show my family a photo of my boyfriend and me in bed naked (and no private parts exposed) my mum firmly told me not to show it, and I knew she was being serious. I don't understand what the difference is between me and my uncle. In fact I think I'd rather see my daughter in a sexy photo with her boyfriend than my brother in a sexy photo with his girlfriend.


Double standards,
Simples. :wink:

Joe90 wrote:
But it's not just NTs that make us feel guilty for doing or saying normal things. Other Aspies do too. Even on here I got a post implying that we should never, ever judge NTs, but we have to put up with NTs judging us and it's OK.


Say what? :scratch:
I didn't get that memo.
But if I did, I'd pretend I hadn't. :mrgreen:

I'm an NT basher from way back,
And have no plans on changing my ways. ;)

Joe90 wrote:
Yep, being an Aspie (person on the spectrum) totally sucks balls. If a friendly neighbour suddenly ignores you one day, you are not supposed to get offended and instead respect the fact that they might be having a bad day or something. But if you were having a bad day and ignored your friendly neighbour then you are still in the wrong because you are supposed to respect the fact that they don't know that you are having a bad day and they'll just see you as being rude and will get offended.
It's like Aspies are expected to predict what goes on inside other people's heads, but NTs can get away with only predicting how one is feeling on the outside without considering what could be going on inside.


They have "Theory of Mind".
We don't. :roll:

Joe90 wrote:
I see this contradiction everywhere, even in sources that are really reliable, and it makes it much more confusing than it already is. Why can't NTs just admit that they aren't experts at empathy either? Well, they do admit this, but when they're on the subject of autism, it's all "NTs have a brilliant skill of empathy, while autistics suck at it".

Sorry, might have gone off topic there but not really.


NTs find it easy to lie.
You can't believe a lot of what they say because they don't usually profoundly respect the truth.
Bad NTs. :evil:
<wack NTs on the nose with a rolled-up news paper> :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


cyberdad
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27 Aug 2020, 12:50 am

Pepe wrote:
NTs find it easy to lie.
You can't believe a lot of what they say because they don't usually profoundly respect the truth.
Bad NTs. :evil:
<wack NTs on the nose with a rolled-up news paper> :mrgreen:


Oi! easy there fella



Jakki
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27 Aug 2020, 5:05 am

cyberdad wrote:
Pepe wrote:
NTs find it easy to lie.
You can't believe a lot of what they say because they don't usually profoundly respect the truth.
Bad NTs. :evil:
<wack NTs on the nose with a rolled-up news paper> :mrgreen:


Oi! easy there fella


Rolled up wet newspapers ,, it’s louder when you hit anything and much more messy


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Mr Reynholm
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27 Aug 2020, 8:56 am

I have to be very careful with humor since it has got me into some trouble over the years. I have repeated jokes that people thought were uproariously funny coming from an NT but horrifyingly inappropriate when coming from me.



Jakki
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27 Aug 2020, 10:30 am

Mr Reynholm wrote:
I have to be very careful with humor since it has got me into some trouble over the years. I have repeated jokes that people thought were uproariously funny coming from an NT but horrifyingly inappropriate when coming from me.


Humour is something , I try not worry on ? It’s usually meant for fun . If they don’t get the point , it took me along time to understand that when you repeat humour , it is something you just throw out into the universe .
If you get an effect , be happy , if you don’t. Be just as happy . It was only just for fun , it doesn’t cost anything to smile . People prolly should not be cheap when it comes to smiling .


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31 Aug 2020, 1:13 pm

It's usually on autism sites like this is where I get the lectures where some take the NT's side and sees me as the problem, but if the boot was on the other foot some would still take the NT's side and I'd still be the problem.

Like when that woman put her baby next to me on a bus that wasn't full and had ample empty seats available, and I wasn't sitting nearest to the door where most people with young children sit where they can be near their pram or whatever. I was upstairs, sitting out of the way, and there were only about 4 or 5 other people up there, which leaves about 20 empty seats - including the seats directly behind me and near me on the other side of the aisle. So it just didn't make sense for a woman to want to dump her baby next to a stranger and sit elsewhere when there were plenty of seats to be able to sit with your baby, which would be the most reasonable thing a parent would do. I didn't want to be bombarded with someone else's baby on a bus.
I ranted about it on WP but most of the people in the thread took the woman's side and lectured that I was in the wrong for feeling anxious and moving to a different seat.
BUT... (a big, fat, and important but)
if I had for some reason decided to put a baby or a dog or a backpack next to a stranger on a bus and then ranted on WP asking why the stranger looked uncomfortable and got up and moved, some would still be on the stranger's side and be like, "I'd have done the same if a total stranger had just dumped their kid or belongings in the seat next to me without asking, and I also would have been weirded out too, being so you had the choice of several other seats to sit in, all NTs know that the hidden rule of public transport is not to sit in a seat next to a stranger unless there are very little or no other choice of seats available. So if that person wasn't expecting anyone to sit next to him or put their belongings next to him, he probably felt uncomfortable or even annoyed that you assumed that he wouldn't mind his personal space being taken up unnecessarily. Have empathy!"

:roll:


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KT67
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31 Aug 2020, 1:19 pm

Pepe wrote:
KT67 wrote:
I often get this with jokers.

For eg...
My mum and stepdad went to their neighbours & they said 'where have you been today' cos we'd been out. So they told them the name of the beach. The female neighbour said 'oh I was conceived on that beach'. Then they were talking about hen parties in our town & she said 'the bigger the girl, the shorter the skirt'. And fashion trends & she said 'my dad said if mini skirts got any shorter I'd have more hair to comb and two more cheeks to powder'...

If I'd said even one of those, people would look at me strangely and not want to be my friend.

But they just saw it as funny from her and saw her as a right laugh.

I don't get it. And I don't like it. It's double standards.


You don't get it because you are a "baby". :mrgreen:
You are too young to appreciate what life was like without political correctness on steroids.
Back then, people were allowed to joke.
People were allowed to enjoy humour.

Comedians say that humour is on its deathbed because of PC.
I agree. 8)

Quote:
7 famous comedians who said political correctness is killing comedy

Is “politically correct” culture killing comedy?

Veteran comedian Mel Brooks said, yes, that’s exactly what’s happening. In an interview with BBC radio on Wednesday, Brooks said he would not have been able to do “Blazing Saddles” in today’s age because it would have offended a lot of people.

Political correctness, sometimes called “P.C. culture,” is generally the practice of deliberately avoiding language or actions that offend others, particularly as it refers to gender or race.

“We have become stupidly politically correct, which is the death of comedy,” Brooks said. “Comedy has to walk a thin line, take risks.” https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/op ... story.html


Why can't I tell the jokes then?

I grew up in the 90s so I'm hardly a baby :lol:

Wasn't around in the 70s though. In the 70s anything went with PC stuff.

I think PC is a good idea though.

In the 70s was the era when almost anything went. And honestly, same when I was a kid. (South Park anyone?). In the 50s, PC would have been unheard of but you couldn't swear or anything like that or talk about s.e.x... 8O :lol:

I'd say maybe it has to do with parent-child relationship but 1 mum grew up as an actual CHILD watching Carry On with her parents and 2 NTs who I have a peer relationship with and who are younger than me (in their mid 20s) also act like I seriously transgressed if I join in with the offensive humour they're making.



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05 Sep 2020, 2:18 pm

NTs do get away with saying whatever they like to non-NTs.

It's like NTs have implied to most of us at some time in our lives:

"You're stupid and worthless because you are different. Nobody cares about you or your feelings, you don't deserve to walk this Earth, I hate you, you retarded freak!"

Then from the same neurotype (NTs), we are told:

"Never insult people, hurting people's feelings is wrong, it is socially unacceptable to upset anybody, if you do invalidate someone's feelings then you need to be seriously educated because it is not right."


I remember back in high school I was emotionally bullied by some of the other girls in my class. They'd put me down, make me feel worthless, exclude me, ignore me, insult me, and give off the "we don't care about you" attitude towards me. Then one day, for the first time ever, I sort of accidentally insulted one of them by saying "eww!" at her lunch she'd made in cookery class. I didn't mean it horribly, it was just that it was salad and I don't like salads. She kind of overreacted and said, "this took me an hour to make", and then the other girls gathered around her as if to comfort her from the only insult I'd ever blurted out in my life. It's like they had all forgotten about all the times they emotionally bullied me and when I give them what they gave me they don't like it.
I wish I'd got up and yelled, "now you know how I've felt all this time when you've hurt my feelings, you pretentious cow!" and walked away. But back then I didn't have the stamina to stand up for myself. I just gave her an apologetic look, felt very guilty and awkward, and continued suffering in silence from their continuous emotional bullying.


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05 Sep 2020, 6:49 pm

If a NT individual chooses the rude or revolting , it is not necessary that you validate their behavior by reacting to
It .. Walking away as soon as you detect something wrong in the way a person has a dealt with you can generally cause a blow to their ego , if you. ARE NOT PREDICTABLE TO THEM it can be hard to do. And recognize sometimes.
And by no means am i a expert , but. , i have used it effectively in the past.


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05 Sep 2020, 6:59 pm

KT67 wrote:
I often get this with jokers.

For eg...
My mum and stepdad went to their neighbours & they said 'where have you been today' cos we'd been out. So they told them the name of the beach. The female neighbour said 'oh I was conceived on that beach'. Then they were talking about hen parties in our town & she said 'the bigger the girl, the shorter the skirt'. And fashion trends & she said 'my dad said if mini skirts got any shorter I'd have more hair to comb and two more cheeks to powder'...

If I'd said even one of those, people would look at me strangely and not want to be my friend.

But they just saw it as funny from her and saw her as a right laugh.

I don't get it. And I don't like it. It's double standards.



I can get similar things in other ways. I can get told off for a minor thing if I am in a group, yet others in the same group do far worse and no one says anything. If I say "What about them?" and point them out, I get the telling off for suggesting it!

I try to stay out of groups of people!


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cyberdad
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05 Sep 2020, 8:43 pm

Mr Reynholm wrote:
I have to be very careful with humor since it has got me into some trouble over the years. I have repeated jokes that people thought were uproariously funny coming from an NT but horrifyingly inappropriate when coming from me.


The line between something up roaringly funny and awkward silence (cue crickets) is often quite fine.

I recommend watching stand up comedy. Improvised comedy has to be one of the toughest jobs on the planet. Comedians do use scripts though and some are better than others.

There's a comedian called Jim Owen (he pronounces his Irish name as "Jimoin") who often says inappropriate things but then follows it up with facial expressions. The combination of facial expressions and funny lines is extremely effective. Without the facial expressions and weird pauses his words alone would have no context.