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zacb
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13 Sep 2020, 5:18 pm

Just as I was posting this I read cherryglitter's post about feeling like fandoms and other communities have been dying. To an extent it is on that but also on a larger trend I am finding as I get older.

To start off, I have a decent middle class job and might eventually get a place (if they are not so dang expensive). I have side projects I want to commercialize, some friends that are mostly spread throughout the country, gf, and a (dwindling) number of hobbies. I was serious when others were not, now it seems like the opposite (not that I have arrived, still have room for growth). My larger point is I am able to take care of myself and I don't feel like I need to "grow up" per say.

As of late I have noticed I am stuck probably somewhere pre-2016. I had an arrest for a victimless crime, lost my job, had run for office prior to those things and lost, and was unemployed for a year in a small town. Further I had a friend go to jail and my social scene dried up. I tried moving to California, failed, went back to my home town, then moved to a city thousands of miles away and have the job I have now.

When I first started working for this company I had a Saudi friend (really cool guy) who I really liked to hang with. He mentioned in passing (in a nice way) that I was stuck a few years behind times. We hung out, went for drinks, and overall had a good time. Over the past 2 years I have started to realize things seemed to freeze up for me post 2016. Things that I thought were minor (social justice and all that) turned out to have staying power, dating apps got much worse (even outside my city and country) and culture like music seemed to suck (way too slow and mellow 8O ). If that was all I would chalk it up and say I am old. However except for a coffee shop everything in my town is closed up due to covid (including university libraries and sporting events) and reading/programming/investing/writing/BSing online gets lonely and boring at times. I sometimes get together with friends but sometimes they are busy. Overall I used to be able to hide Aspergers merely by indulging in my hobbies and bsing online, but bsing online seems like a thing of the past (for the most part) and many of my hobbies got too political. That leaves me where I am. Outside being a programming monk, I really don't see a way to escape "reality" so to speak, so my quirkiness keeps coming to my mind, whereas if I can distract my mind I think myself "normal" somewhat.


I do want to dabble in AR/VR and printing, but not feeling up to it this second. I also feel like I am at the end of a video game and I keep collecting coins on autopilot (think Sim City or Civilization) and once I pass a test for work I might get a condo just so I don't have to worry about rent going up but expense wise it is pretty sparse. I tried going for a CS certificate but depression got in the way. I might try again but I am trying to recover from the crash. Overall I feel like I am almost outside the current paradigm and even my previous politicalness has been blunted by my party's stupidity to the point I don't care about where the country goes as long as it is not a civil war. I just am so over the culture, people, etc of my country, but other countries don't seem so hot either. There are one or two areas I might consider settling in, but I do worry sometimes that Western BS will spread there. Overall I feel like I am so out of step with society (not just agreeing to disagree but I feel like the values I shared with my country have been in the process of dissolving over the past 12 years to the point I don't even identify with anything, whereas before I could even identify with the subculture of the country). Add to this the town I grew up in has had several prominent businesses shut down in their town (711? I mean come on). I just feel like any connection to the world is dissolved outside family, gf, and some friends and at this point I am not sure if I should super save and then go live out in the middle of nowhere or what. :D



Fnord
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13 Sep 2020, 6:28 pm

You're not old.  Likely, you're just slow to adapt.


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zacb
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13 Sep 2020, 7:47 pm

Fnord wrote:
You're not old.  Likely, you're just slow to adapt.


I get I am not old, but I am last years make and model. :D . Joking aside it is hard to find my niche in the grand scheme of things. I am leaning towards either eventual programmer or international nomad or perhaps both or none. I am not seeing my niche in the current environment.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Sep 2020, 3:41 pm

I feel dinosaur now.



auntblabby
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14 Sep 2020, 3:48 pm

zacb wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You're not old.  Likely, you're just slow to adapt.


I get I am not old, but I am last years make and model. :D . Joking aside it is hard to find my niche in the grand scheme of things. I am leaning towards either eventual programmer or international nomad or perhaps both or none. I am not seeing my niche in the current environment.

i am a 1960s model sans classic car status. you are a late model, desirable and with many good features and miles left to go. vroom.



Fnord
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14 Sep 2020, 4:02 pm

And I am a 1957 Fnord, with a bucket seat, flaking paint, dim headlights, and too many miles to count.

By comparison, the OP just came off the assembly line!


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auntblabby
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14 Sep 2020, 4:40 pm

let us hope, that our brother aspie's assembly line process was not timed either at hung-over monday morning or at "QUITTIN'
TIME!"
friday afternoon where they just dumped the unfinished product on the floor 'til hungover monday.



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15 Sep 2020, 8:34 pm

It’s not so easy when you feel yourself no longer on the cusp of the trend but slipping into the wake.
I guess it happens to most all of us as we get older. We outgrow some interests or hobbies and have to keep reinventing ourselves.
Just keep running on the hamster wheel and you’ll be ok.
Then you wake up thirty years later and go what the hell happened?



auntblabby
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15 Sep 2020, 8:38 pm

considering the highly useful tech advancements and the unearthing of some jewels of music, i can sorta handle being alive now.



zacb
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16 Sep 2020, 12:00 am

auntblabby wrote:
considering the highly useful tech advancements and the unearthing of some jewels of music, i can sorta handle being alive now.

I don't know if it was you or someone else but I feel like VR is what will keep me ahead of the curve. I sure as hell don't fit in with the music or other cultural stuff!



auntblabby
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16 Sep 2020, 12:09 am

zacb wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
considering the highly useful tech advancements and the unearthing of some jewels of music, i can sorta handle being alive now.

I don't know if it was you or someone else but I feel like VR is what will keep me ahead of the curve. I sure as hell don't fit in with the music or other cultural stuff!

anything recorded past the 90s is not my cup of tea either. i wish VR would filter down to my level of a hermit in the hinterlands, right now things like the oculus require having a smart phone and costly subscription to digital data. i need VR that is self-contained.



zacb
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19 Sep 2020, 2:04 am

If I can break out of my slouch I do plan on toying with some self contained AR (I get not VR, but trying to start small), I will try to post here. Also seen some wearables on various chans and it kind of inspired me honestly. Now just to plop down the money for the tools :D .



zacb
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19 Sep 2020, 2:15 am

I was talking to a friend that had been in jail (I know kinda iffy) today and just got out. We used to engage in discussions about radical politics, but now he is a bit different and makes me a bit sad. I know we still have some in common but things have changed. I am not a broke college student anymore and am working on adult thing I guess you could say. I do have friends where I am but I did move as well so a lot of my old friends are still unemployed and stuck in a situation whereas I moved and have gotten the employment bit under control. Then as I previously mentioned culture and what not is different and so trying to snap out of it is hard. Sorry just did not want to make a new thread for this :D .