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madbutnotmad
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04 Nov 2020, 8:36 pm

Hello
When considering the common problems that people with ASD have with life.
Has anyone considered moving to a place where there are more people with ASD
which gives more opportunity to people with ASD for socialising / developing freindships
and relationships, as well as employment.

One place that i have read up on is the sweetwater spectrum community, which looks good
for people with ASD, and may the answer for some people with ASD who find it hard to
develop and maintain relationships.

I think that developing and maintaining relationships is a major problem, and i think
i may actually be more successful than many,
however i have found that some of my NT friends kind of put me in a category of
"ASD friend", which means that i get treated as if i am not normal and invited to
events that are for me and one other person with ASD, rather than his normal
social gatherings, this makes me feel more disabled than I am, as being invited
to "disabled" events rather than normal events puts me in the disabled category
rather than being a regular mate.

hard to work out how i feel about this friend
as although he is being considerate, it does feel like i am being discriminated against at the same time.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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04 Nov 2020, 9:33 pm

It sounds nice in theory, but I don't think it would help me. Even here I still have many problems interacting, and that's with the added benefit of being able to type out my responses and having the option of not responding. I also still get overwhelmed by socializing here, and that's without all the extra sensory things that come with in-person interactions.



starkid
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05 Nov 2020, 2:32 am

No I haven't considered it because such a community would consist mostly of males and I distrust men.

Besides places near supportive housing arrangements, I can't even think of any high-autism-concentration places to move to.



Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2020, 7:27 am

starkid wrote:
No I haven't considered it because such a community would consist mostly of males and I distrust men.

How would you feel about an autistic community in which the women were specifically encouraged to get to know each other and/or participate in a women's support group?

In the past, I've been involved in some other subcultures that had a very high male-to-female ratio. Having a women's support network helped a lot. Making a few female friends first made me feel safer about interacting with the men too.

starkid wrote:
Besides places near supportive housing arrangements, I can't even think of any high-autism-concentration places to move to.

Large cities have high concentrations of people in general, hence also high concentrations of any given category of people, including autistic people. The only problem is finding them. Hopefully this will become easier as more and more locale-based groups of autistic people get formed.


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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 05 Nov 2020, 7:52 am, edited 3 times in total.

Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2020, 7:31 am

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
It sounds nice in theory, but I don't think it would help me. Even here I still have many problems interacting, and that's with the added benefit of being able to type out my responses and having the option of not responding. I also still get overwhelmed by socializing here, and that's without all the extra sensory things that come with in-person interactions.

A well-developed autistic community would need to accommodate our widely varying sensory and communication challenges. For some autistic people, this would mean limiting themselves to text-based online interaction most of the time, meeting in person only when necessary.

Anyhow, what specific kinds of difficulties do you have interacting here on WP? And is there anything the rest of us can do, when replying to your posts, to accommodate your difficulties?


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Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2020, 8:36 am

madbutnotmad wrote:
i have found that some of my NT friends kind of put me in a category of
"ASD friend", which means that i get treated as if i am not normal and invited to
events that are for me and one other person with ASD, rather than his normal
social gatherings, this makes me feel more disabled than I am, as being invited
to "disabled" events rather than normal events puts me in the disabled category
rather than being a regular mate.

hard to work out how i feel about this friend
as although he is being considerate, it does feel like i am being discriminated against at the same time.

Perhaps he assumes (wrongly in your case) that you wouldn't want to attend "his normal social gatherings"?

Or perhaps he is worried that you might embarrass him by committing some faux pas?

Have you ever discussed this matter with him?


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Jiheisho
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05 Nov 2020, 4:01 pm

Ironically, but not surprisingly, it is my autism that would make me very hesitant in joining a group.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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05 Nov 2020, 5:54 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
It sounds nice in theory, but I don't think it would help me. Even here I still have many problems interacting, and that's with the added benefit of being able to type out my responses and having the option of not responding. I also still get overwhelmed by socializing here, and that's without all the extra sensory things that come with in-person interactions.

A well-developed autistic community would need to accommodate our widely varying sensory and communication challenges. For some autistic people, this would mean limiting themselves to text-based online interaction most of the time, meeting in person only when necessary.

Anyhow, what specific kinds of difficulties do you have interacting here on WP? And is there anything the rest of us can do, when replying to your posts, to accommodate your difficulties?


Thank you Mona. It's nothing on anyone else really, just my own internal struggles. Stuff like getting overwhelmed by trying to carry on multiple interactions at once. Such as if I'm having full back-and-forth conversations on multiple threads or in PMs. Even when I'm enjoying them, at times I can get over stimulated.

I also have to put a lot of careful thought into my words so that I don't say anything that could be misinterpreted in a hurtful way. In-person I don't have a good filter and am very blunt. Being here has allowed me to work on that, but it can be taxing to maintain. So some days on WP, when I have less control I can't maintain it and may offend people. And of course even with filtering myself, because I'm very literal or I don't know many of the hidden meanings behind words or phrases, I say the wrong thing :oops: . On the bright side, recognizing this in myself is why I'm a proponent of giving others the benefit of the doubt :) .



starkid
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10 Nov 2020, 2:11 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
starkid wrote:
No I haven't considered it because such a community would consist mostly of males and I distrust men.

How would you feel about an autistic community in which the women were specifically encouraged to get to know each other and/or participate in a women's support group?

No, that wouldn't fix the problem. The problem is that men are

A. more likely to be violent that women
B. more likely to say and think misogynistic things than women

It's not about me merely <i>feeling</i> unsafe, it's about men literally being a threat. It's the same reason I don't go read through the S&R forum; I got tired of being exposed to misogyny. A support group of women can't fix men's behavior.

Quote:
Large cities have high concentrations of people in general, hence also high concentrations of any given category of people, including autistic people. The only problem is finding them.

They're also more expensive to live in, to buy property in, and to pay rent in, so that would make the project expensive if you are trying to start up a housing community. Cities are louder and more over-stimulating, so it wouldn't work well for people with sensory sensitivity. You could have the community out in the suburbs, but then that creates transportation problems, especially for those who cannot drive.

I don't want to seem like a naysayer; I think your idea has merit. But it's definitely not for me...so I won't waste any more space in your thread.



Dear_one
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12 Nov 2020, 6:40 pm

I have always sought out more artistic, "bohemian" neighbourhoods. They value eccentricity, but average better at social skills than Aspies, so I'd expect to have more friends that way.



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12 Nov 2020, 8:05 pm

If such community exists in real life, in places I can physically go...

I'd personally offer my skillsets to any autistics in need -- provided if they're not so shy to ask, than the one being in need of said community. :lol:
It's not accomodations I need -- if anything, it's something I even offer instead.

All I want is to be surrounded by equals -- not one's above or below.
It doesn't even had to be all amicable or friendly. :twisted: Or all resonating.


I'd be the least disabled autistic in a sense I can go to any sorts of spaces, social or non-social.
I have no real need for safe spaces. If anything I wanna test myself to go to unsafe spaces. It's something I strive to attain, growing up.

The only real issue I could have is involving words and wording...
It's in that regard I'm not very confident with. And that's mostly it. :P


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carlos55
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13 Nov 2020, 3:39 pm

starkid wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
starkid wrote:
No I haven't considered it because such a community would consist mostly of males and I distrust men.

How would you feel about an autistic community in which the women were specifically encouraged to get to know each other and/or participate in a women's support group?

No, that wouldn't fix the problem. The problem is that men are

A. more likely to be violent that women
B. more likely to say and think misogynistic things than women

It's not about me merely <i>feeling</i> unsafe, it's about men literally being a threat. It's the same reason I don't go read through the S&R forum; I got tired of being exposed to misogyny. A support group of women can't fix men's behavior.

Quote:
Large cities have high concentrations of people in general, hence also high concentrations of any given category of people, including autistic people. The only problem is finding them.

They're also more expensive to live in, to buy property in, and to pay rent in, so that would make the project expensive if you are trying to start up a housing community. Cities are louder and more over-stimulating, so it wouldn't work well for people with sensory sensitivity. You could have the community out in the suburbs, but then that creates transportation problems, especially for those who cannot drive.

I don't want to seem like a naysayer; I think your idea has merit. But it's definitely not for me...so I won't waste any more space in your thread.


Im sorry you`ve had so many bad experiences. But i think your over exaggerating the threat to you from male violence, maybe you had a bad experience that has scarred you leading you to paint all men the same.

We already have an autistic community we can all feel safe in its called wrong planet. Maybe its best keeping things online :D


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Dear_one
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13 Nov 2020, 4:10 pm

^^ Of course you get more misogynistic remarks from men. Female sexists practice misandry, and even claim that it does not exist.



CarlM
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13 Nov 2020, 11:28 pm

Jiheisho wrote:
Ironically, but not surprisingly, it is my autism that would make me very hesitant in joining a group.

Please explain what you mean by this. Do you have social anxiety as a result of autism? I realize that even though it is a group of ND people, you will still have social anxiety. However, it still a good place to start to increase your social life.


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starkid
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14 Nov 2020, 12:32 am

carlos55 wrote:
Im sorry you`ve had so many bad experiences. But i think your over exaggerating the threat to you from male violence, maybe you had a bad experience that has scarred you leading you to paint all men the same.

I never said "all men;" this is why I don't bother with men: You all tend to be preoccupied with defending men rather than actually listening/paying attention. I didn't even say anything about how many "bad experiences" I've had. Read what's on the computer screen and not what's in your imagination.



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14 Nov 2020, 11:07 am

An autistic with social anxiety is still a person with social anxiety.
In such case, these types would likely only need a more forgiving and understanding environment.
Which isn't as demanding nor as special as it seems, really, they only need a gentle push if they're willing.

And it's also different from conscious or unconscious associations with whether certain groups of people or people in general, which most humans do.
It's these types of people in need of safe spaces in a strict sense would push for specialized segregation.

But both can inevitably overlap with another.
This is where the confusion goes...
Former would only make the social interaction smoother along those with like minded people but otherwise sought inclusion.
The latter has explicit orders, one that demands specific exclusion.


There's bypassing social anxiety, there's also coping with it and there's overcoming that.

And then there's seeing past through the thoughts and ideas that are commonly associated with social anxiety, and the circumstances that leads to it. :lol:


These are just my thoughts mind you, concerning psych-like social factors. It's up to the host if it can be done or not.
I just thought it could help discerning specific needs of every autistics, dealing with social issues of their own. :o


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