Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

ssteradian
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2022
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Boston, MA

27 Nov 2022, 6:21 pm

A brief biography: Independent and determined. Overachiever. Overthinker. I don’t do small talk. A magnet to socially awkward situations. A bit aloof and has trouble opening up, but I become more social and caring around people that I trust. Very honest and value logic and rationality. Love of learning. I either feel like a robot, or an alien most of the time. I don't enjoy social gatherings, going out, drinking, or nightlife. I'd rather go for a walk in a swamp to look at birds, bugs, and butterflies.

The reason I'm here: I am unable to find any meaningful connections in real life at present and so I am turning inward for some serious reflection and online to try and understand my pitfalls and hopefully learn some new skills that I can use in the real world. But if I am not successful, at least find a way to feel like less of a failure at being a human being.

Currently I am considering the issue of "mental rigidity." This is a feature that it present when the asd person has unyielding opinions about a topic. I do hold down a job. A necessity in this life. I recently had a move, to a new location and I am trying to navigate this new place. Same job, new people and a new layout. There is a person there who had also been a colleague at the previous location and has observed me at both places. He basically said that I "don't fit in" no matter where I go and that "fitting in" with the rest of the crowd is highly important in this job. He recommended that I change aspects of my personality in order to be better received by my peers. Otherwise, I may soon start to have problems at the new place. I'm worried!

Researching online, I determined that one of my problems may be mental rigidity. I don't fit in because I don't seek the opinions of others. I don't seek the approval of others or look to obtain their viewpoints. The reason: because I already have one! The social dilemma here is one of "reciprocal social communication." Because I hold fast to my own opinions and live in my own inner world, I have great difficulty even wanting to exchange thoughts, experiences, and opinions with others. Their viewpoints seem invalid to me, or uninteresting, or irrelevant/unnecessary. I also have rigidity in having strict adherence to daily routines and become unwilling to change even minor things. Consequently, the people I work with tend to receive me very poorly.

The article I read suggests that the asd person would want to increase his flexibility and enlarge his world in order to be better accepted by his peers. Someone suggested that I just pretend that I didn't know something and ask advice, and that would be a good way to include someone else's input. I'm not much for pretending so it doesn't sound right to me. A suggestion from the article is to come up with questions during the course of a conversation on any topic, and decide to ask a least one time "and what do you think about this?" or "what do you like or dislike about xyz?" Another suggestion tries to steer the asd person away from getting stuck on one answer and instead committing to identifying at least two solutions to daily obstacles. This process may allow for the opportunity to ask for input from others, thereby promoting inclusivity amongst his peers.

Anyway, I will try out some of this advice this coming week and see how it goes. Hopefully it doesn't come out sounding completely fake, in other words, I can pull it off. And hopefully some people will start to feel comfortable with me instead of awkward and appalled.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,722
Location: U.S.A.

27 Nov 2022, 11:00 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here.

And I agree it is hard to waffle on your opinion when you know you are right.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


jimmy m
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2018
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,666
Location: Indiana

28 Nov 2022, 1:46 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I like your original introduction. It was direct and to the point.

Independent and determined. Overachiever. Overthinker. I don’t do small talk. A magnet to socially awkward situations. A bit aloof and has trouble opening up, but I become more social and caring around people that I trust. Very honest and value logic and rationality. Love of learning. I either feel like a robot, or an alien most of the time. I don't enjoy social gatherings, going out, drinking, or nightlife. I'd rather go for a walk in a swamp to look at birds, bugs, and butterflies.

It really sounds like you are in the right place. There are many different personality types in this world and you seem to fit Asperger's Syndrome or "Aspie" for short. So what can I tell you for advice. First - Be yourself. It may give you a lot of pain in this life but it is important to be you.

There is a good book that may provide you with a little bit of information. It is a book called "Whole Brain Living" by Jill Bolte Taylor. Humans are much more complex than any animal that has ever existed on this planet. We have several brains that work together. The left side of our brain is dominant because it stores our knowledge of words. But we also have a right side that is a supporting brain. Jill hasn't figured out the whole story but she is close. Our brains can flip sides if we encounter death when we are very young. Our right side of our brain (normally existing in REM and NREM sleep) can come online and take control and keep our body alive. Eventually our left side can come back but it switches places. It is a brain flip. In a way, we can grow and become very different than most people. We can become very, very, very smart children as we age.


_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 109,287
Location: On a special base where the Christmas soldiers of the world live

28 Nov 2022, 1:50 pm

Willkommen :mrgreen:


_________________
Oberfeldwebel

Age: 48
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.


AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 66,088
Location: Portland, Oregon

28 Nov 2022, 8:10 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


ssteradian
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2022
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Boston, MA

01 Dec 2022, 11:37 am

Thank you for the replies.

It does give me great pain in my life to be "just me." However, I can't care about that. There is nothing to be done about it. I am feeling particularly vulnerable having this job change and dealing with all new people in my work. I am feeling quite a bit of change in my personal life as I never have before. I am finding it particularly exhausting to try and relate to neurotypicals. Completely depleting and I'm at a loss! I will look into the book reference; thanks.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 44,207
Location: Abbottistan

01 Dec 2022, 4:52 pm

Welcome to WP!



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,247
Location: Alpena MI

03 Dec 2022, 6:53 am

welcome! you are not alone here, you will find many who relate to your experiences and who can provide insights and suggestions, input, support. Glad you are with us.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


Da_Zero_A_Dieci
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Nov 2022
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 507

14 Dec 2022, 8:40 pm

Welcome.

Some of the characteristics you write I have too.
Very honest, straightforward, pragmatic (I get blamed for that), Careful about caring for people I appreciate, I don't like social situations, drinking, I'm hyper logical ,and rational.

I stop because it seems I'm introducing myself.

So in the meantime, don't force yourself because it would be detrimental to you.

Mental rigidities cannot be overcome in a short time.

I'm inclined towards the theory of small steps and then walking fast and maybe being able to run.

So in summary try to smooth out your mental rigidities that you notice, and those that are brought to your attention.


I understand that changing jobs and having to meet strangers (colleagues) is not pleasant.


Think day by day seeing what you can do in the new context.


*The Brain as jimmy m wrote in his nice post.
it is neuroplastic.

So it fits.

It depends on us .

If we think positive things, words are the result of that change.

Dealing with neurotypicals is exhausting



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,624
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Dec 2022, 12:06 am

yay another one :alien: