My first message. I'm 42, never had a gf, unemployed

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TheUndiagnosed
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26 Jun 2022, 2:16 pm

Hello everyone,
this is my first message.
First of all, I want to say that English isn't my first language, so please forgive me if my writing may not be perfect or contains some errors.

I'm 42 years old, unemployed (despite having a STEM degree), living with my parents.
Grew up with very few friends, was bullied in high-school, rejected by all girls I've attempted to date.

I just feel like I've failed at pretty much anything in life, unable to get a gf, unable to get a steady career (I only had some temporary jobs and was made redundant multiple times and right now I'm unemployed ), unable to get my own place to live indipendently

I have been living on my own for some years about 10 years ago (this was in a distant city where I had a job which unfortunately was temporary ) but in the end I had to go back to my parents house due to unemployment

I've been only on 2 dates in all my life
I suspect I may be on the spectrum although I never had a formal diagnosis

I have only a couple of friends from the church (they are both married) I talk to in real life but we don't meet so often

A friend of my family suggested that I may be suffering of high functioning autism

Other facts about me:
I don't like sports.
I grew up with a shy, introverted personality, I may suffer of social anxiety and social phobia as well to some extent
I drive a car.
I spend most of my spare time by myself


I hope to meet some new friends to talk to in this forum :D



klanka
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26 Jun 2022, 3:27 pm

Hey I go to church as well.

Did you not do well at the interviews for your field? I thought they were more forgiving for STEM jobs...well sometimes.



Double Retired
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26 Jun 2022, 3:35 pm

Welcome to WP! Knowing whether or not you are Autistic is not a requirement...just being interested is a good reason to be here.

You can't find out here if you are Autistic. When I suspected I might be a High Functioning Autistic I, of course, researched it on the Internet. It was my score on the Autism Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) that persuaded me to get a formal assessment. The AQ test can't diagnose someone but it could suggest whether or not seeking a diagnosis is reasonable.

The same is true of another online test, the Aspie-Quiz Registering is optional!

It does sound like you are having a difficult time, right now, getting good work. But, with all of the things going on in the world right now a lot of people are struggling. Don't feel it is just you.

As far as socializing and romance go...I can't claim to have a lot of expertise in those areas. But I would suggest that those areas of your life might be somewhat easier to work on after you get the other areas of your life in order (for instance, work).

Good luck and best wishes. I hope all things eventually work out for you.


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Jakki
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26 Jun 2022, 3:52 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet undiagnosed.


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temp1234
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27 Jun 2022, 2:29 am

Welcome! I hope you enjoy interacting with like-minded people on WP!



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2022, 2:38 am

Hey dude! having autism isn't a prerequisite to post here.

What are you hoping for in life?



blazingstar
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27 Jun 2022, 4:07 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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jimmy m
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27 Jun 2022, 8:02 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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27 Jun 2022, 7:13 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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dirteerascal1a4
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02 Jul 2022, 1:24 pm

I hear you my brother.I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 29 but it was a great help in my life.Get assessed and diagnosed by a psychologist.We need help being autistic.



2ukenkerl
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10 Jul 2022, 8:33 am

Well, emotionally, I am similar. I do get along well with most people, but really haven't tried to go that far. And, IN SPITE OF BIDEN, I am managing to keep my head above water.

I am in STEM also. Stem is a VERY overly broad label, especially while the new PC variant is supposed to be STEAM!
But ok, we can ignore the A part.

I work with computers, and today having a degree really doesn't mean that much. You could be a college drop out with NO degrees, and excel. You could be a straight A student, with tons of recommendations, etc.... and NEVER get a job.

You have to find out what jobs are offered, what best fits your skillset, and try to be the perfect candidate and try to make sure that if anyone asks you an off the wall question that you can answer it. If you get say less than 50% right, there is a decent chance you won't get the job. At 70%, you likely will. If you get them all right, you almost certainly will, REGARDLESS of your degrees. Oh and some ask for VIDEO interviews. If they do, look attentive, and try not to look anyplace else, ESPECIALLY if it is before you answer a question. You don't want them to think you are using a crib sheet, etc....

To make things worse for someone with something like Autism, they may have over 3 interviews. And some could be social. They basically just want to make sure everyone can work with you, etc... So treat them all like they might be your boss, etc...

Whatever the job you are looking for, I am betting that the above will help, if you haven't considered it.



TheUndiagnosed
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15 Aug 2022, 2:41 pm

klanka wrote:
...
...
Did you not do well at the interviews for your field? I thought they were more forgiving for STEM jobs...well sometimes.

Made hundereds of interviews... I always got rejected!
When I left university it was easier , probably due to me being younger,
I suspect ageism plays a role



Double Retired
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15 Aug 2022, 3:34 pm

Agism could be an issue.

Is there a Community College nearby with a recruiting office? If "Yes", can you enroll...even if only for one course...so you can use their recruiting office?

There your age and experience might look good compared to the other college "kids" interviewing there.


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CockneyRebel
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15 Aug 2022, 8:18 pm

Welcome to WP! :mrgreen:


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