Ds about to get kick-out some of his mainstream classes

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clarizel
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17 Feb 2011, 8:03 pm

Hi,
My ds who is in middle school (7th grade) has been kicked-out of his Science class 3 weeks ago, because of being disrespectful to his teacher, he stormed out of his Science class and slammed the door on his way-out, so now he goes to his special-ed teacher during his Science class and does his lessons there.The main reason why he didn't do well in that Science class was because of the noise, he said it bothered him too much.
Yesterday, he was sent to his Special-ed teachers room again because he had a meltdown and threw a desk forward, This is with his English and Social studies class whom he has the same teacher who is realy nice and accomodating.also,he was upset because he can't go on the field trip with his Science class-he wanted to go because they're going to an airplane museum and he loves airplane, and the day before he also threw a daybook at one of his classmate who went-behind him and touched him in the back, he was really upset about that.
Me and dh don't know what to do anymore we've tried just about anything, meds, counselling therapy , etc. we work close with the school teachers, and even came-up with ideas that they can use at school to help my ds to self regulate better, it is working, but now he gets very handful again.
Anyone' been in similar situation? what are the rights that we have in this situation, meaning... ds being violent? I'm more courageous to advocate if it's only a matter of academics in nature,and matters of school inclusion,I know my rights when it comes to that, they have to provide my ds a free appropriate public education (FAPE), but where do we stand in this situation? No matter what we say and how many times we remind him not to get physical etc(.we ground him when he does) it still happens, now his special-ed teacher wants us to meet with his teachers and the principal again( we already did this before, some of his teachers are willing to help and some don't show-up and don't do a thing anyway.)what is it that we can do, we can draw all the plan and the contract but if they're not consistent and is not being followed I don't see it being susccessful.What can we say to the school this time? we can't really promise that it won't happen again as we're not my ds and we can't read his mind, we already suggested that thay may need to hire someone to shadow him,but of course they're not very keen with the idea, as it will cost the school money ,although the school gets more money for him anyway, as he has the disability.
---or can we even demand that? we use our private insurance for his Psychologist evaluations and visits, also his Psychiatrist visits for medication management. it seems at this point ds has to be the one to do some modifications----he promised to behave well, when he gets in trouble like this he does behave well---for a while then he gets in trouble again:( he actually talked to us, where before he just gets really upset, rant and cry, and blame everybody.God, I'm still waiting that one of this days everything will just click and he'll at least be able to go to school without getting in trouble.this is so hard, I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown myself, this is when I'm jealous of dh who's an aspie and doesn't seem to be bothered much.:)
so here are my questions...
What can we demand the school to do?can we even demand anything ?or should we just let him take the 3 classes at his special-ed teachers room if we/or the teachers/school don't get to figure something out?
sorry for rambling but I feel really anxious right now, his special-ed teacher is supposed to call us tonight to give us an update, tomorrow is no school---sem. break and Mon. is a Holiday, so nothing can be done till Tuesday next week.
Thank you for reading and any input that you may have,
clarizel



Dantac
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17 Feb 2011, 10:29 pm

regardless of his issues you have to admit the kid reacts rather violently. That needs to be addressed before any progress can be made. Its not him that needs to be accommodated, he needs to learn some self control.

I see you used a lot of words like 'counseling' 'reminded him', 'we say to him' ... err.. the kid is 7 years old.. even NT kids dont register words towards addressing a problem they dont want to accept they have. There has to be an immediate consequence to his actions for the 'doing this is not allowed' to register. Its up to you if you choose spanking or other forms of delivering the consequence.



clarizel
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17 Feb 2011, 10:55 pm

Dantac wrote:
regardless of his issues you have to admit the kid reacts rather violently. That needs to be addressed before any progress can be made. Its not him that needs to be accommodated, he needs to learn some self control.

I see you used a lot of words like 'counseling' 'reminded him', 'we say to him' ... err.. the kid is 7 years old.. even NT kids dont register words towards addressing a problem they dont want to accept they have. There has to be an immediate consequence to his actions for the 'doing this is not allowed' to register. Its up to you if you choose spanking or other forms of delivering the consequence.


My ds is in 7th grade not 7 years old, you read my post wrong, and yes, there's consequences,he is grounded since yesterday up to Saturday,no computer time or any kind of electronics, this is really a big thing for him as he loves his computer. if it were me, I would have spanked him, like my parents did when I was younger, and I turned-out just fine,and I'm asian, kids here in the U.S. are raised a little diffrently, we raise kids more like how the "Tiger Mom"does, if you do that here, people will accuse you of humiliating and abusing your kid(s) I'm just sort of following how people here raise their kids, and also dh is a very mellow and logical guy, he believe that yelling and spanking won't really help with my son, I figured he knows how to deal with him better as he has a better understanding on how my ds feels because they share the same aspie genes, also if we've spanked him when he was little and at his age now, he is bigger either way he would have got us in trouble with the cps because he tends to exaggerate things, he might tell his teachers that we're hitting him,because in the past he already made comments to his teachers that we're hurting him, just because he has a different way of seeing things.
I also mentioned that at his age he is the one who needs to take responsibility for his actions, we don't want anyone to get hurt by his violent behavior.



Dantac
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18 Feb 2011, 12:34 am

I apologize I must've misread the age/grade. However the issue remains that his anger problem needs to be resolved before anything else can and all the talk/counseling/etc wont change that.

Have you considered maybe having the teachers tape record him and then show him what it looks like to be someone else seeing his actions? Or having him experience what he delivers onto others... by taking him to an anger management session where other kids are and letting him be on the receiving end for a change?

I say this because from what you've mentioned it seems everyone in class & teachers are always in the 'victim' role and try to placate or avoid his outbursts.

jus' brainstorming.



clarizel
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18 Feb 2011, 1:11 am

Dantac wrote:
I apologize I must've misread the age/grade. However the issue remains that his anger problem needs to be resolved before anything else can and all the talk/counseling/etc wont change that.

Have you considered maybe having the teachers tape record him and then show him what it looks like to be someone else seeing his actions? Or having him experience what he delivers onto others... by taking him to an anger management session where other kids are and letting him be on the receiving end for a change?

I say this because from what you've mentioned it seems everyone in class & teachers are always in the 'victim' role and try to placate or avoid his outbursts.

jus' brainstorming.


Thanks, We've done the video taping before here at home so he could see how bad it looks/get when he gets "really"mad, he used to get this way,(at home) whenever we ground him, it's like the world ended, with him it's either he's happy or he's mad, no in between.we brought the video for his Psychologist to see, in the hope that he could talk to him more, about this anger issues 'cause sometimes he refuses to talk to us ,we've never done any at school though, we know how bad he gets, so we assumed he does it at school too.
One of his teacher, I know she means well, she still tries to talk him-out of his bad mood, when we already told her to send him to his special-ed teacher at the very sign that his 'stress levels are getting high.he is not a typical kid so they have to deal with him a little differently, and we've put everything in writing what works for him.
As for the anger management, I will ask if they have something like that at school, back when he's in the elementary school they have social skills class.
Are you or any child(ren) of your's an aspie? 'cause I don't think you'll really understand how it feels like dealing with a special needs child, unless you or someone you love is affected by the disorder. I feel really bad and embarass when I get a call or an e-mail from school about my son misbehaving and being violent, I now have school phobia, everytime the phone rings when my son is at school makes me nervous, and when I do have to go to school and talk to the teachers, I wished that the ground will open-up and swallow me, I feel like I'm the worst parent in the world.I started coming to this forum to get advice and some ideas on how to best help my son, because we feel like we've already tried everything that we know, that will be helpful, hopefully other members will add their 2 cents.



4ds
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18 Feb 2011, 9:49 am

hi, my son is in 8th grade.last year he had the same problem.We were lucky he got moved into a selfcontained autism program.The rules are the same,he is held acountable for his actions.It has done wonders he has learned how to deal with his autism now that all stressors are gone..I really didnt want him in self contained but the amount of growth we have seen has been priceless.Academically he is learning better to he isnt stressed out comes home happy and wants to go to school.Good luck schools seem to think least restricted enviroment.I feel they need consistance and solid rules were they feel safe otherwise its harder for them to figure out what teachers want exspecially 7 different ones like in 7 grade.We are very lucky its an awesome program he is in I feel confident he is ready for high school now.So hang in there it will get better, recource rooms are ok if you have a good teacher.



clarizel
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18 Feb 2011, 12:19 pm

4ds wrote:
hi, my son is in 8th grade.last year he had the same problem.We were lucky he got moved into a selfcontained autism program.The rules are the same,he is held acountable for his actions.It has done wonders he has learned how to deal with his autism now that all stressors are gone..I really didnt want him in self contained but the amount of growth we have seen has been priceless.Academically he is learning better to he isnt stressed out comes home happy and wants to go to school.Good luck schools seem to think least restricted enviroment.I feel they need consistance and solid rules were they feel safe otherwise its harder for them to figure out what teachers want exspecially 7 different ones like in 7 grade.We are very lucky its an awesome program he is in I feel confident he is ready for high school now.So hang in there it will get better, recource rooms are ok if you have a good teacher.


Thanks, we know that stress has a lot to do with it, because when the incident happened there are a lot of classwork they're doing and he felt overwhelmed, I'm not trying to make excuses for him he still has to learn how to control himself,he has an option to go to his special-ed teache if he needs a breather, but sometimes, he slips and can't think staright, and wham! trouble. his psychiatrist increased his Prozac dose from 20mg. to 30 mg. this is really helping him cope, last month he prescribed another anxiety meds. to be taken as necessary basis, dr. said they're not habit forming, it's just like taking some allergy meds., so we're in the process of getting a medical authorization so they could give it to him at school, at times that he gets really agitated.We're in very small district and don't have the autism program,, but he does have the resource/special-ed classroom to go to.last year, we even suggested that maybe he should just be at his special-ed teacher's room fulltime, till he can better handle the mainstream class, but his case mgr./special-ed teacher said, no, we have to mainstream,I know being in the special-ed class is like going backwards since he's always been in mainstream class, but we're getting a little tired of the thing going on at school with him that we thought it was best., his special-ed teacher, has some ideas that we could try, if that doesn't work, we can always just keep him in the special-ed class full-time.

clarizel