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Kirstie04
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14 Dec 2015, 12:48 pm

So in a lecture today, we were put into our groups of 4/5 and each group given an issue to research for Thursday. Then on Thursday one half of our group has to argue for and the other against the issue.

This immediately sent my anxiety straight up and I was considering if I could get away with just not turning up on Thursday. I didn't want it to look bad on me for either not turning up or for struggling with the task on Thursday if I did turn up.
So at the end of the lecture, I asked to speak to the lecturer and said that I was really anxious about the debates. She asked if it was okay for her to go back to my group with me and speak with them (the people in my group are the same ones that were made aware of my AS weeks back). She initiated the conversation with them and just basically explained that I was really anxious and sort of talked through the task with us. I suggested that instead of the more confrontational debate between the group, we all simply came up with the 'for's and against's' which we'd read to the group which would then open the debate for the rest of the class, as they're supposed to join in once the group have said their piece. I feel less anxious about this arrangement and a bit more relieved that the pressure is off a bit.

It's the same old thing though, I just worry about what others think of me because they can't physically see my difficulties and I don't really know how obvious they are in my behavior (it doesn't bother me too much if it is, I just have no idea and maybe sometimes it can be a bit more difficult if your manage to mask and pass things sufficiently). Then there's the stress of the image/impression we're expected to have as future health professionals, so I worry about balancing trying to mask a lot of things in that respect and trying to manage myself and keep myself okay.



btbnnyr
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14 Dec 2015, 5:20 pm

In the long term, I think it is better to learn to deal with these things like debates that make you uncomfortable, since they are part of this class and maybe future classes, and something similar may be part of career, so it would be good to learn to deal with it and participate in it.


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Kirstie04
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15 Dec 2015, 4:37 am

I get your point that similar situations may occur in the future. It's not just that it's uncomfortable, it's incredibly stressful and taxing. There was a debate in my usual class some weeks back. I just made sure that I contributed as much as I could to the research prior to the debate and did my best to follow the exchanges during in the debate. It was a little less stressful because it was my usual group who I'm a lot more familiar with.
With this one, I simply did what I needed to in order to better manage a slightly different situation which to me is less predictable and more overwhelming. It was really difficult to speak up as I did and not just avoid the situation altogether as I would have done in the past, so I've come a long way from when I was younger in that respect and it is my intention to deal with each situation as I face it and try to learn something from each one, so that hopefully I can manage with things better in the future.

I've been in an episode of shut down the last few days as sometimes happens when things get too much, which leaves me completely disconnected to everything, especially people. I think that was partly why I posted on here and partly because it's difficult talking to people at the best of times unless it's a scripted situation. Luckily I think I'm starting to come out of it as of waking up yesterday morning and so was able to try and explain what happened at uni to my mum last night. I'm glad I could because she was able to reassure and talk it through with me, which helped me feel a lot better about it.