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xxZeromancerlovexx
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20 Oct 2021, 11:18 am

A lot of my friends have children now and they are constantly busy and don't have as much free time anymore. I personally don't want kids and haven't wanted kids since as long as I can remember.

For those of you who have decided against having children, what were the pros and cons? I'd rather play video games, have time to put on makeup before I walk out the door and not have to get a 9 to 5 job to support children. The only con I can think of is not being like "everyone else" and having to explain to everyone why I know having children isn't the right choice for me. I can hardly take care of a virtual pet for crying out loud!


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funeralxempire
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20 Oct 2021, 11:20 am

Well, for starters, you don't have kids.

That's all I need to know it's the right choice. :mrgreen:


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Fnord
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20 Oct 2021, 11:51 am

Benefits of Not Having Kids:

• Divorce settlements are vastly simplified.

• Fewer or no stretch marks, and your body looks the same for at least twice as many years.

• If a career advancement requires you to move across the country, you can just pack up and move.

• If someone leaves a mess, you know immediately whose it is.

• If you feel sick, you get to lie down and take care of yourself.

• No one ever accuses you of being a bad parent.

• One trip + two people = two suitcases + two carry-ons (and a purse).

• Personal conversations with your significant other remain personal.

• The $250,000 it takes to raise a child to adulthood belongs to you.

• The extra money from your paycheck belongs to you.

• The last piece of cake belongs to you.

• The secret prize in the cereal box belongs to you.

• The TV remote stays exactly where you left it.

• Vacations are rarely "staycations", and usually involve extended stays in remote rural places.

• When you and your significant other "get busy", you can be as loud and as kinky as you want.

• Women without children are taken more seriously by their bosses and coworkers.

• You and your significant other can "get busy" anywhere in the house, and at any time of the day.

• You can binge-watch all of the Grand Theft Auto series, without having My Little Pony interrupt your joy.

• You can binge-watch 'mature' programs without having to look over your shoulder every few minutes.

• You can have friends over without your children and theirs getting into fights or sharing strange diseases.

• You can have nice things that are expensive, fragile, and rare.

• You can send your nieces and nephews back to their parents when you get tired of them.

• You can sleep for more than two hours.

• You never experience stepping on a Lego piece in your bare feet ... unless you are the person who dropped it.



xxZeromancerlovexx
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20 Oct 2021, 12:00 pm

Fnord wrote:
Benefits of Not Having Kids:

• Divorce settlements are vastly simplified.

• Fewer or no stretch marks, and your body looks the same for at least twice as many years.

• If a career advancement requires you to move across the country, you can just pack up and move.

• If someone leaves a mess, you know immediately whose it is.

• If you feel sick, you get to lie down and take care of yourself.

• No one ever accuses you of being a bad parent.

• One trip + two people = two suitcases + two carry-ons (and a purse).

• Personal conversations with your significant other remain personal.

• The $250,000 it takes to raise a child to adulthood belongs to you.

• The extra money from your paycheck belongs to you.

• The last piece of cake belongs to you.

• The secret prize in the cereal box belongs to you.

• The TV remote stays exactly where you left it.

• Vacations are rarely "staycations", and usually involve extended stays in remote rural places.

• When you and your significant other "get busy", you can be as loud and as kinky as you want.

• Women without children are taken more seriously by their bosses and coworkers.

• You and your significant other can "get busy" anywhere in the house, and at any time of the day.

• You can binge-watch all of the Grand Theft Auto series, without having My Little Pony interrupt your joy.

• You can binge-watch 'mature' programs without having to look over your shoulder every few minutes.

• You can have friends over without your children and theirs getting into fights or sharing strange diseases.

• You can have nice things that are expensive, fragile, and rare.

• You can send your nieces and nephews back to their parents when you get tired of them.

• You can sleep for more than two hours.

• You never experience stepping on a Lego piece in your bare feet ... unless you are the person who dropped it.


Sounds good enough for me especially the thing about my body looking the same and extra paycheck money.


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League_Girl
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20 Oct 2021, 5:15 pm

Pros of having no kids:

If you are sick, you can rest and sleep

Not spending more money on gas and food and clothing and presents and outings.

No dirty furniture and walls

Not worrying about your body

No sneaking sweets


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Joe90
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21 Oct 2021, 5:06 am

The only reason why I don't have kids is because I'm scared of being pregnant, I can't face all that pain giving birth (even C-sections are painful), and I have a phobia of vomiting which will probably affect the bond between me and my child when the child is ill with a stomach flu.

I can't adopt because there are too many rules that limits someone like me to be eligible to adopt, which is very heartbreaking.

So that is the reason why I haven't had children. It isn't really a choice of mine, but to other people it looks like a choice because I am physically able to have children and am still at child-bearing age. But people don't understand the lengths my anxieties and fears go.


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DuckHairback
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21 Oct 2021, 6:28 am

What all those people said^^. Also these things:

When I had a kid I got an overwhelming sense of vulnerability. It was kind of like...you know in a computer game when a boss appears and he's got a hole in his chest and you can see his heart and you immediately know that's where you've got to hit him because that's where you'll do the most damage. Having a kid is a bit like that. It's a new vulnerability that can cause you immense pain and it's external to you so if you're used to hiding your vulnerabilities and protecting yourself...well that won't work for this one.

Before I had a kid, I would hear about bad things happening to kids in the papers, or read about them in books or see them in films and I wasn't unsympathetic or anything - I knew these things were bad and I felt them to a certain extent but once I had a kid, anything like this is unbearable. You can't help but imagine what it would be like if it happened to your kid - how intensely horrible it would be for them and how confused they'd be that this was happening to them. For me, it's the confusion they'd feel that is just unbearable, rather than any pain or physical suffering.

TLDR; kids are emotionally exhausting as well as physically exhausting.



IsabellaLinton
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21 Oct 2021, 8:52 am

Saving money, likely in the millions.

Not having the emotional workload of loving someone, worrying 24/7, and dealing with their physical / mental / emotional / psychological / intellectual / social needs.

Not having to deal with sensory issues related to another person's noise, messes, smells, decor choices, music, etc.

Not having to deal with your ex once they become your ex.

Being able to shut down when you need to, without responsibilities for someone else's life.



kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2021, 8:55 am

Yep....all those things.

But I feel like I've missed out on being able to raise a person, and to have that person be a product of me. Just being called "dad." Being able to say "I am a father."

It's sort of a situation where I desire what I can't obtain----but when I obtain it, I might regret it.

I'm 60 years old----should have been a grandpa by now!



IsabellaLinton
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21 Oct 2021, 9:04 am

I doubt I'll ever be a grandmother, which was one of my only life wishes in adulthood.

I guess I'll have to think of the pros of not becoming a grandmother.



kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2021, 9:06 am

^Potentially:

Not having to raise your grandbaby like you had to raise your baby.

Going through all the crap you had to go through raising your baby all over again.

This sort of thing happens all too often.



Ettina
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25 Oct 2021, 2:24 pm

Why are you posting this in the forum focused on the people who have had kids?



HeroOfHyrule
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26 Oct 2021, 12:42 pm

I actually like and want kids, but I am so scared of pregnancy and childbirth that I think it'd be a horrible thing for my mental health. I also have health issues that would make those fears worse, and I am trans so I'd just rather go on testosterone now than wait until after I have kids. Not to mention having ASD, ADHD, OCD, and learning disabilities that may or may not be inheritable (I wouldn't mind raising a child with those things, but why would I purposely put them through that lmao).

So...

Pros:
1. No mental health crises for me
2. I can go on testosterone whenever I want
3. A child will not be afflicted with one or more of the many issues I have lol
4. I can continue to play video games in peace :P
5. I can also have more pets because I won't have kids lol (at least to me that's a plus)
6. No sensory overload from kiddos running around and stuff


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xxZeromancerlovexx
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26 Oct 2021, 3:43 pm

Ettina wrote:
Why are you posting this in the forum focused on the people who have had kids?


Why do men post in the Women’s Discussion forum on WP?


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kraftiekortie
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26 Oct 2021, 4:22 pm

This thread is for everybody. It's not just for people who have had kids.

The focus is on the pros of NOT having kids. People who haven't had kids can answer that question just as well as people who have had kids.

Why be so technical?



HeroOfHyrule
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26 Oct 2021, 4:31 pm

Technically, as per the description, this subforum is meant for parents of people with ASD, though I think it's widely accepted on there that even people w/o kids or w/o autistic children can ask questions about general parenting and childrearing decisions.


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I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).