Parent privileges?parental respect

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Aspie1
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27 Oct 2021, 7:57 pm

Itendswithmexx wrote:
How did you earn love from your parents ? Why did you feel desperate for a gf? Do you mean you felt desperate for sex?

I earned my parents' love in one of these ways:

1. Utmost obedience and exemplary behavior
This meant that I had to do everything I was told, and be happy about it. In other words, outward behavioral obedience didn't cut it. I had to do everything my parents AND my extended family told me to do, and do it with an enthusiastic smile on my face; even eating disgusting oatmeal, and throwing in the trash the drawings I spent days creating. Failing to comply resulted in severe punishment, because "thoughtcrime". Hello, "1984"!

2. Excellent grades
The excellent grades had to come in at all times, and nothing less was accepted. Even if I got 99 A's and 1 C, I'd STILL lose 2 weeks of TV privileges In other words, only the latest grade I got mattered when it came to earning love.

3. Getting sick or severely injured
"Severely" was important. I had to be sick and/or injured severely enough to be incapacitated to get love. Like when I came down with a severe flu that had me bedridden for a week, or when I cut myself badly enough to go to the ER, I felt like a king for about 2 weeks! In most other cases, like if I cut myself with a knife or got a simple cold, my parents would just get angry with me for being careless, rather than love me more.

To add insult to the injury, the "love hyperinflation" was very much there. The older I got, the more of the above I had to do while getting less and less love in return. When I was 11, and had surgery that had a 2-month recovery period, my parents didn't love me more for going through it, and instead yelled at me for "whining". I'm glad this was in the summer; otherwise, they'd also demand straight A's from me in my classes, not to mention the utmost obedience of arbitrary rules.

I was desperate for a girlfriend mainly because I wanted to keep up with my peers. Most, if not all, academic events after 5th grade, are dancing-oriented. Which means they have an unwritten rule that you must come with a date, if you want to avoid standing alone by the wall like a loser. So you either come with a date, or just not go. And another thing: the older a child gets, the less his/her parents love him/her by default, so he/she has to keep doing more and more to maintain their love, or lose it entirely. So a getting a boyfriend/girlfriend is the only way to maintain same level of love in one's life without putting in extra effort with one's parents.

In fact, I had a formula for the age-driven loss of parents' love, complete with an algebraic expression, a line graph, and a quantification of what love actually was. (I was about 14 at the time.) But when I showed it to my therapist, she just laughed and gaslighted me into thinking I was wrong. So I apologized to her for "making up dumb crap" and never spoke of it again.

What's sad is that I didn't find my first girlfriend until I was 18. And even she was boring and unattractive.

What's even sadder is that all I had to do to get my parents' unconditional love was be a violent juvenile delinquent. Only I was too naive to realize that. After all, it's the BAD kids parents actually RESPECT, rather than extort them into being an "easy" child.



Ettina
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28 Oct 2021, 5:10 am

Aspie1, your parents were abusive, and their parenting style very much doesn't reflect the vast majority of parents.



DW_a_mom
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29 Oct 2021, 5:00 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.


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Itendswithmexx
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29 Oct 2021, 5:04 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?



Ettina
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29 Oct 2021, 4:00 pm

Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?


I have never heard of such a thing.



Itendswithmexx
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29 Oct 2021, 4:42 pm

Ettina wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?


I have never heard of such a thing.



Heard of what?



DW_a_mom
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29 Oct 2021, 10:58 pm

Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?


I do NOT know people who would force someone to get pregnant in order to give it up for adoption in the hopes of getting money. In the United States of America it is illegal to profit from giving up a child for adoption. Babies and children cannot be "sold." Doing a transaction like that would be morally wrong.


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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


Itendswithmexx
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30 Oct 2021, 3:29 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?


I do NOT know people who would force someone to get pregnant in order to give it up for adoption in the hopes of getting money. In the United States of America it is illegal to profit from giving up a child for adoption. Babies and children cannot be "sold." Doing a transaction like that would be morally wrong.



No one can force but they can bribe and threaten. And anyway if they go to the courts and the government gets custody then it goes back to the cult because the cult is paying for the government.



Itendswithmexx
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30 Oct 2021, 3:30 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I swear to god, parents literally have no idea how easy their lives are, and how privileged they are! When a parent gets a bad performance review at work, he/she comes home to a comforting hug from his/her spouse and a big shot of whiskey. When a child get a bad grade in school, he/she comes home to an hours-long screaming lecture, strong feelings of guilt and shame, losing TV privileges for two weeks, and making suicide plans to avoid that situation at the next bad grade. And later sneaking whiskey from the liquor cabinet when his/her parents aren't looking, to blur out the nasty feelings, thus starting up a lifelong alcohol habit.

Parents WOULDN'T LAST A DAY living their easy, privileged lives as kids again! They'd be looting pharmacies to obtain antidepressants and opioids. Either that, or we'd run out of liquor in a matter of days, if we could magically make parents live like kids again! :evil:


You incorrectly assume that all parents act like yours did.

I never gave either of my kids screening lectures or revoked privileges for bad academic performance. I simply asked them why they thought they had gotten the disappointing grade and then supported them.

But I did get to worry if they would get into college, if we’d be able to afford it, and if they would get past their roadblocks to be able to support themselves as adults.

I did get to stay up all night when they were sick but still have to go to work in the morning.

I still take on every worry either of them have, and probably will for life, even though I also know I have to sit back and let them make their own mistakes, and only help when they want me to.

I worry about everything. My job, their job, their health, my health. What would happen if they had to suddenly deal with our estate (they wouldn’t be able to).

We never had whiskey in our house. I hardly ever drink at all; I’ve always had medications that don’t mix with alcohol.

In other words, the balance you describe, the relationship you know, it’s NOT NORMAL. After all these years, I would think you would know that.



Yah would you try and sell your kids uterus ?


Taking your question literally, obviously NO.

I would never want to, and it wouldn't be legal.

Such a strange question. I am puzzled why you would ask.



How come?
Do you know people who would force someone to get pregnant just to give it up for adoption for $$$?


I do NOT know people who would force someone to get pregnant in order to give it up for adoption in the hopes of getting money. In the United States of America it is illegal to profit from giving up a child for adoption. Babies and children cannot be "sold." Doing a transaction like that would be morally wrong.



No one can force but they can bribe and threaten. And anyway if they go to the courts and the government gets custody then it goes back to the cult because the cult is paying for the government. Eh it’s in the best interest of the people with the most $$$$.



Cornflake
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30 Oct 2021, 11:24 am

 ! Cornflake wrote:
Itendswithmexx is no longer a member of WP.


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