Is it reasonable for a 31 year old to be banned fromcaffeine

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Texasmoneyman300
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21 Nov 2021, 9:24 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
After reading a few posts into this thread, one thing became clear to me: none of this is about caffeine. The caffeine is just an excuse to exercise control. I think you and your parents are in a head-locked battle over who controls your life.

When we've talked before I've worried about what they know about you that I may not; that there could be potential good reasons for limiting your choices; that they might be trying to keep you safe.

But if they use that line about throwing you out, if they constantly play that type of emotional abuse game, then they aren't acting in concern for your best interests. Your best interests would NEVER involve making such comments and threats. They are trying to control and mold you into some vision they have in their heads that has nothing to do with you becoming your best self.

That kind of environment is toxic to live in.

When it comes to caffeine itself, neither of my adult children consume it anymore on the advice of their doctors. I would have wondered if you had received advice from your doctor that you either were ignoring or not aware of if the control issue wasn't glaring me in the face. Many minor health issues are dramatically improved with the removal of caffeine.

I would like you to find a transitional group living situation for autistic adults. It won't be in your small town; so be it. Do your research and find disability and support services that can help you both with planning and funding. I want to know who you can be without this worry and obsession over money. As long as that worry and obsession continue, their control game is in the bag, they've got the power. If separating from their control means a simple and small life on disability, so be it. The kind of control game they seem to be playing will make someone go crazy, and that would be waste of everything you might be able to be. You can't become who you are meant to be while this battle overrides.

Well I am not going to give up being a fracking bro and finance bro and and tech bro.The group homes in Texas aint safe.I have no way of funding a group home and my parents refuse to pay for one.I would rather be homeless than live in a group home in Texas.I tried getting over my obsession with money and that made my parents very worried and concerned.I also am not going to give up being a church of Christ pastor and eventual elder at my own church.My goal is to eventually live a simple life at my church of Christ intentional community.I do live a simple life.



DW_a_mom
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22 Nov 2021, 12:24 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
After reading a few posts into this thread, one thing became clear to me: none of this is about caffeine. The caffeine is just an excuse to exercise control. I think you and your parents are in a head-locked battle over who controls your life.

When we've talked before I've worried about what they know about you that I may not; that there could be potential good reasons for limiting your choices; that they might be trying to keep you safe.

But if they use that line about throwing you out, if they constantly play that type of emotional abuse game, then they aren't acting in concern for your best interests. Your best interests would NEVER involve making such comments and threats. They are trying to control and mold you into some vision they have in their heads that has nothing to do with you becoming your best self.

That kind of environment is toxic to live in.

When it comes to caffeine itself, neither of my adult children consume it anymore on the advice of their doctors. I would have wondered if you had received advice from your doctor that you either were ignoring or not aware of if the control issue wasn't glaring me in the face. Many minor health issues are dramatically improved with the removal of caffeine.

I would like you to find a transitional group living situation for autistic adults. It won't be in your small town; so be it. Do your research and find disability and support services that can help you both with planning and funding. I want to know who you can be without this worry and obsession over money. As long as that worry and obsession continue, their control game is in the bag, they've got the power. If separating from their control means a simple and small life on disability, so be it. The kind of control game they seem to be playing will make someone go crazy, and that would be waste of everything you might be able to be. You can't become who you are meant to be while this battle overrides.

Well I am not going to give up being a fracking bro and finance bro and and tech bro.The group homes in Texas aint safe.I have no way of funding a group home and my parents refuse to pay for one.I would rather be homeless than live in a group home in Texas.I tried getting over my obsession with money and that made my parents very worried and concerned.I also am not going to give up being a church of Christ pastor and eventual elder at my own church.My goal is to eventually live a simple life at my church of Christ intentional community.I do live a simple life.


I think you should look hard and deep at your choices, and how they affect your other wants and needs. At some point you have to take responsibility for all the contingent things that happen because of your own choices.

If your parents are toxic, it should draw into question every assumption you've acquired about how the world works, and also draw into question how much of what you think you are choosing has actually been a conscious choice on your own part (as versus a manipulated one).

If you can accurately sort through all those complicated layers and still want to make the exact same choices, right down to living with your parents, then it seems, given what you've written here, that the consequence of that choice is giving up control over your life. Your parents are not going to change; your description shows them to be manipulative and controlling. Such patterns only change when the person creating them chooses on their own to become self-aware and make the changes. You will never be able to make your parents see what they need to see; they don't WANT to see it. And, worse, if they did see it, they would find some way to justify their own actions to themselves. Those patterns could be broken if they choose counseling for themselves or similar steps, but YOU, as the target, cannot and never will be the one to affect the change. The behaviors you have described come with certain patterns, and I know something about those patterns. I have spent significant time in other threads trying to help you influence your parents, but in this thread, with this additional information, I believe it's all for naught. If my current hunch is correct, it's all for naught because they are more interested in control than they are interested in your well being, and they will sustain the toxic environment they have created at all costs. Which leaves you with only one choice. You either own that you are choosing to continue to live this way, or you investigate how to leave the home and regain autonomy. I know that is blunt, but IMHO that is the choice you face, given all you have written.


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Texasmoneyman300
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22 Nov 2021, 12:46 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
After reading a few posts into this thread, one thing became clear to me: none of this is about caffeine. The caffeine is just an excuse to exercise control. I think you and your parents are in a head-locked battle over who controls your life.

When we've talked before I've worried about what they know about you that I may not; that there could be potential good reasons for limiting your choices; that they might be trying to keep you safe.

But if they use that line about throwing you out, if they constantly play that type of emotional abuse game, then they aren't acting in concern for your best interests. Your best interests would NEVER involve making such comments and threats. They are trying to control and mold you into some vision they have in their heads that has nothing to do with you becoming your best self.

That kind of environment is toxic to live in.

When it comes to caffeine itself, neither of my adult children consume it anymore on the advice of their doctors. I would have wondered if you had received advice from your doctor that you either were ignoring or not aware of if the control issue wasn't glaring me in the face. Many minor health issues are dramatically improved with the removal of caffeine.

I would like you to find a transitional group living situation for autistic adults. It won't be in your small town; so be it. Do your research and find disability and support services that can help you both with planning and funding. I want to know who you can be without this worry and obsession over money. As long as that worry and obsession continue, their control game is in the bag, they've got the power. If separating from their control means a simple and small life on disability, so be it. The kind of control game they seem to be playing will make someone go crazy, and that would be waste of everything you might be able to be. You can't become who you are meant to be while this battle overrides.

Well I am not going to give up being a fracking bro and finance bro and and tech bro.The group homes in Texas aint safe.I have no way of funding a group home and my parents refuse to pay for one.I would rather be homeless than live in a group home in Texas.I tried getting over my obsession with money and that made my parents very worried and concerned.I also am not going to give up being a church of Christ pastor and eventual elder at my own church.My goal is to eventually live a simple life at my church of Christ intentional community.I do live a simple life.


I think you should look hard and deep at your choices, and how they affect your other wants and needs. At some point you have to take responsibility for all the contingent things that happen because of your own choices.

If your parents are toxic, it should draw into question every assumption you've acquired about how the world works, and also draw into question how much of what you think you are choosing has actually been a conscious choice on your own part (as versus a manipulated one).

If you can accurately sort through all those complicated layers and still want to make the exact same choices, right down to living with your parents, then it seems, given what you've written here, that the consequence of that choice is giving up control over your life. Your parents are not going to change; your description shows them to be manipulative and controlling. Such patterns only change when the person creating them chooses on their own to become self-aware and make the changes. You will never be able to make your parents see what they need to see; they don't WANT to see it. And, worse, if they did see it, they would find some way to justify their own actions to themselves. Those patterns could be broken if they choose counseling for themselves or similar steps, but YOU, as the target, cannot and never will be the one to affect the change. The behaviors you have described come with certain patterns, and I know something about those patterns. I have spent significant time in other threads trying to help you influence your parents, but in this thread, with this additional information, I believe it's all for naught. If my current hunch is correct, it's all for naught because they are more interested in control than they are interested in your well being, and they will sustain the toxic environment they have created at all costs. Which leaves you with only one choice. You either own that you are choosing to continue to live this way, or you investigate how to leave the home and regain autonomy. I know that is blunt, but IMHO that is the choice you face, given all you have written.

I am working on getting a job so I can move out eventually.I have not chosen this.I am legally required to work only part time because of the 2000 rule so I need to get off that in order to have my own life.



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22 Nov 2021, 6:52 am

In most other western places outside of South US, the son would have walked into their bedroom at night while his parents were sleeping, locked the door and given them a couple of minutes with the wrong end of a belt and repeated the process until they were satisfied reeducation had occured. That's what I would have done.

This is how messed up your parents really are. It's a truly jaw dropping situation outside of the Bible belt to be in and a situation even someone as placid as me wouldn't put up with. You need to leave ASAP. Your parents are probably lying about giving you any ownership of the company. If possible drive the company into the ground, they're using future ownership of that company as a carrot to ride you like a donkey year after year. I would forget about that company personally, they'll probably never give you that carrot in the end.



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22 Nov 2021, 7:31 am

Nades wrote:
In most other western places outside of South US, the son would have walked into their bedroom at night while his parents were sleeping, locked the door and given them a couple of minutes with the wrong end of a belt and repeated the process until they were satisfied reeducation had occured. That's what I would have done.

This is how messed up your parents really are. It's a truly jaw dropping situation outside of the Bible belt to be in and a situation even someone as placid as me wouldn't put up with. You need to leave ASAP. Your parents are probably lying about giving you any ownership of the company. If possible drive the company into the ground, they're using future ownership of that company as a carrot to ride you like a donkey year after year. I would forget about that company personally, they'll probably never give you that carrot in the end.

I have nowhere to go....its either endure and put up with it or be homeless on the street and be a beggar in the winter time and for the rest of my life.I am thinking of disappearing from their life and cutting off all contact with them after I dont need their help anymore and I get my own plumbing company going good and my natural resource career going good and finance career established.I am thinking of suing my parents for all their horrible mistreatment and distress they have caused me.I am thinking about suing for taking away my life savings. I am not being allowed a bank account or being allowed to use our debit card.

My parents insinuated that they could have me arrested and be convicted of a felony and sent to the state pen for ordering something on Amazon and be a felon for the rest of my life.They also took away all my birthday holiday and graduation money from childhood so I could be on welfare and be penniless while they are multi-millionaires.My dad threatens to kick me out all the time with no notice.I had to call the non-emergency police number to confirm that he has to give me one month to get out..I ran away the other night and he was going around the block with a flashlight.he makes me wish i was never born.



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22 Nov 2021, 8:13 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Nades wrote:
In most other western places outside of South US, the son would have walked into their bedroom at night while his parents were sleeping, locked the door and given them a couple of minutes with the wrong end of a belt and repeated the process until they were satisfied reeducation had occured. That's what I would have done.

This is how messed up your parents really are. It's a truly jaw dropping situation outside of the Bible belt to be in and a situation even someone as placid as me wouldn't put up with. You need to leave ASAP. Your parents are probably lying about giving you any ownership of the company. If possible drive the company into the ground, they're using future ownership of that company as a carrot to ride you like a donkey year after year. I would forget about that company personally, they'll probably never give you that carrot in the end.

I have nowhere to go....its either endure and put up with it or be homeless on the street and be a beggar in the winter time and for the rest of my life.I am thinking of disappearing from their life and cutting off all contact with them after I dont need their help anymore and I get my own plumbing company going good and my natural resource career going good and finance career established.I am thinking of suing my parents for all their horrible mistreatment and distress they have caused me.I am thinking about suing for taking away my life savings. I am not being allowed a bank account or being allowed to use our debit card.

My parents insinuated that they could have me arrested and be convicted of a felony and sent to the state pen for ordering something on Amazon and be a felon for the rest of my life.They also took away all my birthday holiday and graduation money from childhood so I could be on welfare and be penniless while they are multi-millionaires.My dad threatens to kick me out all the time with no notice.I had to call the non-emergency police number to confirm that he has to give me one month to get out..I ran away the other night and he was going around the block with a flashlight.he makes me wish i was never born.


I wouldn't merely think about suing them, I would be certain about it and if possible be ruthless and cruel about it.

Have you spoke to a lawyer about it?



Texasmoneyman300
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22 Nov 2021, 8:33 am

Nades wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Nades wrote:
In most other western places outside of South US, the son would have walked into their bedroom at night while his parents were sleeping, locked the door and given them a couple of minutes with the wrong end of a belt and repeated the process until they were satisfied reeducation had occured. That's what I would have done.

This is how messed up your parents really are. It's a truly jaw dropping situation outside of the Bible belt to be in and a situation even someone as placid as me wouldn't put up with. You need to leave ASAP. Your parents are probably lying about giving you any ownership of the company. If possible drive the company into the ground, they're using future ownership of that company as a carrot to ride you like a donkey year after year. I would forget about that company personally, they'll probably never give you that carrot in the end.

I have nowhere to go....its either endure and put up with it or be homeless on the street and be a beggar in the winter time and for the rest of my life.I am thinking of disappearing from their life and cutting off all contact with them after I dont need their help anymore and I get my own plumbing company going good and my natural resource career going good and finance career established.I am thinking of suing my parents for all their horrible mistreatment and distress they have caused me.I am thinking about suing for taking away my life savings. I am not being allowed a bank account or being allowed to use our debit card.

My parents insinuated that they could have me arrested and be convicted of a felony and sent to the state pen for ordering something on Amazon and be a felon for the rest of my life.They also took away all my birthday holiday and graduation money from childhood so I could be on welfare and be penniless while they are multi-millionaires.My dad threatens to kick me out all the time with no notice.I had to call the non-emergency police number to confirm that he has to give me one month to get out..I ran away the other night and he was going around the block with a flashlight.he makes me wish i was never born.


I wouldn't merely think about suing them, I would be certain about it and if possible be ruthless and cruel about it.

Have you spoke to a lawyer about it?

Not yet but the kicker is if I sue I run a big risk of getting kicked out of the church of Christ and losing all my extended family



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22 Nov 2021, 8:39 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Well I am not going to give up being a fracking bro and finance bro and and tech bro.The group homes in Texas aint safe.I have no way of funding a group home and my parents refuse to pay for one.I would rather be homeless than live in a group home in Texas.I tried getting over my obsession with money and that made my parents very worried and concerned.I also am not going to give up being a church of Christ pastor and eventual elder at my own church.My goal is to eventually live a simple life at my church of Christ intentional community.I do live a simple life.

Perhaps you answered your own concern. What would it take to step towards that goal? Or else go to a more compassionate state. I was homeless temporarily when I moved across the country (twice). Granted I was an "established" administrative temp (with an engineering degree) so was able to start immediately at an agency and afford to rent a room in a house within a month.



Texasmoneyman300
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22 Nov 2021, 8:53 am

SharonB wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Well I am not going to give up being a fracking bro and finance bro and and tech bro.The group homes in Texas aint safe.I have no way of funding a group home and my parents refuse to pay for one.I would rather be homeless than live in a group home in Texas.I tried getting over my obsession with money and that made my parents very worried and concerned.I also am not going to give up being a church of Christ pastor and eventual elder at my own church.My goal is to eventually live a simple life at my church of Christ intentional community.I do live a simple life.

Perhaps you answered your own concern. What would it take to step towards that goal? Or else go to a more compassionate state. I was homeless temporarily when I moved across the country (twice). Granted I was an "established" administrative temp (with an engineering degree) so was able to start immediately at an agency and afford to rent a room in a house within a month.

Well thank you for helping me with ideas.I had a job interview at a bank for a good paying entry level role and they said I could eventually be a branch manager for a bank possibly.i could use my pay to invest in starting my own financial services company someday according to them.I am thinking about buying a small plumbing company for a lot of profit potential without the risk of oil and gas and my goal is still to be in oil and gas.



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22 Nov 2021, 9:28 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Nades wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Nades wrote:
In most other western places outside of South US, the son would have walked into their bedroom at night while his parents were sleeping, locked the door and given them a couple of minutes with the wrong end of a belt and repeated the process until they were satisfied reeducation had occured. That's what I would have done.

This is how messed up your parents really are. It's a truly jaw dropping situation outside of the Bible belt to be in and a situation even someone as placid as me wouldn't put up with. You need to leave ASAP. Your parents are probably lying about giving you any ownership of the company. If possible drive the company into the ground, they're using future ownership of that company as a carrot to ride you like a donkey year after year. I would forget about that company personally, they'll probably never give you that carrot in the end.

I have nowhere to go....its either endure and put up with it or be homeless on the street and be a beggar in the winter time and for the rest of my life.I am thinking of disappearing from their life and cutting off all contact with them after I dont need their help anymore and I get my own plumbing company going good and my natural resource career going good and finance career established.I am thinking of suing my parents for all their horrible mistreatment and distress they have caused me.I am thinking about suing for taking away my life savings. I am not being allowed a bank account or being allowed to use our debit card.

My parents insinuated that they could have me arrested and be convicted of a felony and sent to the state pen for ordering something on Amazon and be a felon for the rest of my life.They also took away all my birthday holiday and graduation money from childhood so I could be on welfare and be penniless while they are multi-millionaires.My dad threatens to kick me out all the time with no notice.I had to call the non-emergency police number to confirm that he has to give me one month to get out..I ran away the other night and he was going around the block with a flashlight.he makes me wish i was never born.


I wouldn't merely think about suing them, I would be certain about it and if possible be ruthless and cruel about it.

Have you spoke to a lawyer about it?

Not yet but the kicker is if I sue I run a big risk of getting kicked out of the church of Christ and losing all my extended family


Sounds like a good thing to me.



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22 Nov 2021, 9:45 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Is it reasonable for a 31 year old to be banned from caffeine?
Yes.



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22 Nov 2021, 5:56 pm

I got my dad to agree to letting me have caffeine within reason after lots of negotiation



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25 Nov 2021, 3:50 pm

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
I got my dad to agree to letting me have caffeine within reason after lots of negotiation

Glad you were able to work that out!

Gentle but pointed teasing: I hope he doesn't have a preference for the type of socks you wear, or the way you style your hair.

In my childhood my mom would say, "You're wearing that?! !! !!" --- Why, yes, I was wearing that. :P



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28 Nov 2021, 8:41 pm

SharonB wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
I got my dad to agree to letting me have caffeine within reason after lots of negotiation

Glad you were able to work that out!

Gentle but pointed teasing: I hope he doesn't have a preference for the type of socks you wear, or the way you style your hair.

In my childhood my mom would say, "You're wearing that?! ! ! ! !" --- Why, yes, I was wearing that. :P

I had a horrible thanksgiving because my parents were constantly harassing yelling and provoking me for my diet choices and they limited my diet on thanksgiving of all days and my everyone in the house think I was crazy for arguing them.My parents control every aspect of my life.They micromanage everything.



Last edited by Texasmoneyman300 on 28 Nov 2021, 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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28 Nov 2021, 8:46 pm

My dad said he was done with me because I drink caffeine.I hope he does not disown disinherit and kick me out for such a petty reason.He got so mad at me when I told him to get a good honest financial advisor that keeps my best interests in mind.I think I may dissapear never to be seen or heard from again from their lives if I move out.I have been yelled at for about 30 years and its been rough.I dont know if I love either of my parents.But I cant resist them or stand up for myself or I will go to Heck Dad joked about me dying from a poor diet because of my thanksgiving gluttony.He even joked about getting another son after that happens.I feel like I am in Heck.



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28 Nov 2021, 9:46 pm

You are in heck. emotional turmoil is the highest level of pain known to humanity. And you're doing good for being in hell, you're tough.

They're not gonna kick you out, they need you so they can milk you more for money and push your buttons like they have been for so long.
If they will thatll be the best thing that could happen to you and the worst but rightest thing for them.
The best thing you can do is stop arguing and asking them to allow you to do anything, if you notice any discussion starting, you leave asap. You keep leaving every time and avoiding every confrontation that you can. You live your life separately and put a quick 4-6 screws lock on your room. You hide your accounts and don't let them ask personal questions and by no means keep much money at home or passwords to their free access. It's best to live as though they are thiefs and they will take stuff especially money and electronics. You stay in your room and leave unoticed and quick. You don't talk about what your personal business is outside the house. Far as they know you're going for a walk. They shouldn't know when you return.
Hopefully eventually theyll redirect the milking to someone else because they'll grow bored out of their minds and have new things they'll want to buy because they aren't great at finances. If they do, don't interfere, ignore it. If you gain money, don't upgrade the home, just move. <- hardest step mentally but once you call and get welcomed by real estate businesses, it's just way too easy to get a place.


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