I'm at the bottom of life again

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

salad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,226

01 Aug 2021, 10:05 pm

This month was a grueling month

Lots of hell I'd rather not talk about

Doctors who dont know what's wrong with me

Brain issues that make reading a lot harder and sometimes even feeling dyslexic

On medical leave unemployed

Gained weight from lack of exercise and feel like a failure

I look at my phone every night with the photos of myself when I was happier and more handsome, photos of me back when I used to say I cured depression without medicine and back when I had 0 depression symptoms

I look back at those photos from June before my body fell apart in July and ask myself:

"How did the once happy and successful person who was once feeling so on top of life, how did he fall so low as to be at the bottom"

I'm a miserable wreck right now just laying in bed crying at what I used to be compared to where I am now


_________________
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

Master Oogway


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 13,373
Location: I'm right here

01 Aug 2021, 10:32 pm

salad wrote:
This month was a grueling month

Lots of hell I'd rather not talk about

Doctors who dont know what's wrong with me

Brain issues that make reading a lot harder and sometimes even feeling dyslexic

On medical leave unemployed

Gained weight from lack of exercise and feel like a failure

I look at my phone every night with the photos of myself when I was happier and more handsome, photos of me back when I used to say I cured depression without medicine and back when I had 0 depression symptoms

I look back at those photos from June before my body fell apart in July and ask myself:

"How did the once happy and successful person who was once feeling so on top of life, how did he fall so low as to be at the bottom"

I'm a miserable wreck right now just laying in bed crying at what I used to be compared to where I am now


Depression might not be something that can be cured, only controlled.


_________________
the problem with capitalism is that eventually you run out of other people's resources and cheap labour to exploit
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


salad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,226

01 Aug 2021, 11:12 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
salad wrote:
This month was a grueling month

Lots of hell I'd rather not talk about

Doctors who dont know what's wrong with me

Brain issues that make reading a lot harder and sometimes even feeling dyslexic

On medical leave unemployed

Gained weight from lack of exercise and feel like a failure

I look at my phone every night with the photos of myself when I was happier and more handsome, photos of me back when I used to say I cured depression without medicine and back when I had 0 depression symptoms

I look back at those photos from June before my body fell apart in July and ask myself:

"How did the once happy and successful person who was once feeling so on top of life, how did he fall so low as to be at the bottom"

I'm a miserable wreck right now just laying in bed crying at what I used to be compared to where I am now


Depression might not be something that can be cured, only controlled.


That's a pill I refuse to swallow

I know I cured it in June

I know I did

Had it not been for my body inexplicably failing me in July I would still be happy and healthy


_________________
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

Master Oogway


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 13,373
Location: I'm right here

01 Aug 2021, 11:13 pm

salad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
salad wrote:
This month was a grueling month

Lots of hell I'd rather not talk about

Doctors who dont know what's wrong with me

Brain issues that make reading a lot harder and sometimes even feeling dyslexic

On medical leave unemployed

Gained weight from lack of exercise and feel like a failure

I look at my phone every night with the photos of myself when I was happier and more handsome, photos of me back when I used to say I cured depression without medicine and back when I had 0 depression symptoms

I look back at those photos from June before my body fell apart in July and ask myself:

"How did the once happy and successful person who was once feeling so on top of life, how did he fall so low as to be at the bottom"

I'm a miserable wreck right now just laying in bed crying at what I used to be compared to where I am now


Depression might not be something that can be cured, only controlled.


That's a pill I refuse to swallow

I know I cured it in June

I know I did

Had it not been for my body inexplicably failing me in July I would still be happy and healthy


Didn't curing only last short-term and basically involve driving your body into the ground, resulting in the decline of health?

Depression is an ongoing condition for many people. It doesn't just get cured for good, it gets managed for life.


_________________
the problem with capitalism is that eventually you run out of other people's resources and cheap labour to exploit
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


salad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,226

02 Aug 2021, 12:38 am

funeralxempire wrote:
salad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
salad wrote:
This month was a grueling month

Lots of hell I'd rather not talk about

Doctors who dont know what's wrong with me

Brain issues that make reading a lot harder and sometimes even feeling dyslexic

On medical leave unemployed

Gained weight from lack of exercise and feel like a failure

I look at my phone every night with the photos of myself when I was happier and more handsome, photos of me back when I used to say I cured depression without medicine and back when I had 0 depression symptoms

I look back at those photos from June before my body fell apart in July and ask myself:

"How did the once happy and successful person who was once feeling so on top of life, how did he fall so low as to be at the bottom"

I'm a miserable wreck right now just laying in bed crying at what I used to be compared to where I am now


Depression might not be something that can be cured, only controlled.


That's a pill I refuse to swallow

I know I cured it in June

I know I did

Had it not been for my body inexplicably failing me in July I would still be happy and healthy


Didn't curing only last short-term and basically involve driving your body into the ground, resulting in the decline of health?

Depression is an ongoing condition for many people. It doesn't just get cured for good, it gets managed for life.


What's the point in living life with an incurable disease?


_________________
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

Master Oogway


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,638
Location: Australia

02 Aug 2021, 1:56 am

I get the impression you no longer have a girlfriend?


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,695
Location: Poland

02 Aug 2021, 1:18 pm

Things falling apart. Building our lives from scratch again and again.
That's how we learn living.
Especially if our growing up was screwed up by trauma.
Outgrowing trauma can be a repetitive process.
Brother.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 13,373
Location: I'm right here

02 Aug 2021, 1:33 pm

salad wrote:
What's the point in living life with an incurable disease?


Life goes on even if it's imperfect because it's always imperfect. You do what you can to create purpose and meaning for yourself and you accept it will involve struggle and hardship and that it will test your willpower and perseverance.

This is what I meant when I was saying overexercise as a cure for depression doesn't work, it's because it can't be sustained (not because it won't work short-term). It's like how sleep deprivation can't be used as a cure either. It works for awhile but eventually the cost can't be paid and you start off worse than you started.

There's no hack for good mental health and if trauma is involved like magz says, the process of learning how to manage it can be repetitive. If one has learned maladaptive coping skills unlearning them is likely to be part of the process. It might be a lifelong process, but then again living and learning about how to be the best person you can are also lifelong processes.


_________________
the problem with capitalism is that eventually you run out of other people's resources and cheap labour to exploit
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,030
Location: The Oort Cloud

02 Aug 2021, 1:54 pm

Exercise isn't a guaranteed cure for depression.

In fact, people can use the endorphin high to avoid having to face their problems. Also, injuries happen and bodies age. If your mental health is completely dependent on exercise, then you're eventually going to hit a wall.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,638
Location: Australia

02 Aug 2021, 3:45 pm

Exercise helps to some degree, along with sunshine, quality sleep, and a healthy diet.
There has been a lot of studies done on this.
It is not a binary where exertion is the be-all and end-all. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


salad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,226

02 Aug 2021, 4:15 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Exercise isn't a guaranteed cure for depression.

In fact, people can use the endorphin high to avoid having to face their problems. Also, injuries happen and bodies age. If your mental health is completely dependent on exercise, then you're eventually going to hit a wall.


The issue is that the problem is itself depression rather than depression being a reaction to a problem. The gene for depression is ultra strong in my family since all my uncles and aunts barring 3 are diagnosed with SEVERE depression, my grandpa had Bipolar Disorder, I've lost 2 cousins to suicide and ive been clinically depressed since I was 10. Exercise cured me of that depression. There's no problem to face except the depression itself. Even if my life were perfect, even if I never faced 1 setback in life, even if I faced no trauma just by the fact that the gene for depression is so strongly in my DNA I would still have to fight Depression


_________________
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

Master Oogway


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,257

02 Aug 2021, 4:26 pm

Say no to it. Do not accept it. You can get yourself up and put the pieces back together!



XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,030
Location: The Oort Cloud

02 Aug 2021, 6:52 pm

salad wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
Exercise isn't a guaranteed cure for depression.

In fact, people can use the endorphin high to avoid having to face their problems. Also, injuries happen and bodies age. If your mental health is completely dependent on exercise, then you're eventually going to hit a wall.


The issue is that the problem is itself depression rather than depression being a reaction to a problem. The gene for depression is ultra strong in my family since all my uncles and aunts barring 3 are diagnosed with SEVERE depression, my grandpa had Bipolar Disorder, I've lost 2 cousins to suicide and ive been clinically depressed since I was 10. Exercise cured me of that depression. There's no problem to face except the depression itself. Even if my life were perfect, even if I never faced 1 setback in life, even if I faced no trauma just by the fact that the gene for depression is so strongly in my DNA I would still have to fight Depression


Same here.

My genes suck. In the military, I developed the habit of running every other day to deal with stress and depression. Now, my right knee is screwed-up and I can't run anymore.

It really does suck.

:cry:


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,638
Location: Australia

02 Aug 2021, 8:12 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
Say no to it. Do not accept it. You can get yourself up and put the pieces back together!


The alternate of giving up is not a good one.
Think of family, friends, significant others, and of course, pets. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


badRobot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 551

04 Aug 2021, 12:10 am

salad, glad to see you! get well!

it will get better, when I got injured and was bedridden I lost a big contract, but it turned out to be a good thing.

if exercise is not a feasible option in your current condition, some exercise-mimetic intervention would work: breathing exercises and some physiotherapy. You can just flex/relax some of your major muscles like 500 times, it might be enough. Talk to your doctor first, breathing exercises are very powerful in terms of vasoconstriction and vasodilation, there are contraindications.

XFilesGeek wrote:
Exercise isn't a guaranteed cure for depression.


The mere idea of "cure for depression" is wrong. There is no "cure for depression" in the same sense there is no cure for dehydration. Every perfectly healthy person needs to drink enough water on daily basis to prevent dehydration. Every perfectly healthy person needs to do certain things on daily basis to prevent depression. Physical activity is just one of those things.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,775

04 Aug 2021, 10:07 am

Welcome back, salad. I'm sorry things are so rough for you. It seems like you are taking account of some things that you weren't talking about before. This might be a weird sort of growth opportunity - learning to love yourself even with a very different self-image. My daughter has had some really challenging problems, starting with traumatic brain injury, and has had a lot of trouble with reading, too. She has had to learn to celebrate small victories.

Good luck to you. I won't be checking in here often as I don't do WP as much as I used to. But I'll be thinking of you.


_________________
A finger in every pie.