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Jib
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27 Oct 2021, 8:31 pm

On the 13th, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which turned out to be terminal. The last two weeks have been challenging as well as heart-wrenching. Yet, my family and I did all we could to make my mother comfortable and happy during her last days.

At 4:35 am PDT this morning, my mother finally succumbed to her cancer. I was saddened to have lost her, who was like a shining light in my life. I found it especially painful to watch the funeral home workers take away her body for cremation.

However, I am grateful that she is finally at peace and that I got to have closure. I am not looking forward to adjusting to life without her, but I will take it one step at a time.

I even have a supportive family to support me. We're even going to celebrate my mother's life next weekend as an alternative to a funeral.

This situation is why I haven't been very active lately, along with being busy at my day job, taking an online horror writing class, and advancing my writing career.

If there's anyone on here that can relate, I would appreciate your empathy. Loss is never easy, especially when it is a very close parent.


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IsabellaLinton
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27 Oct 2021, 10:36 pm

I'm so sorry to hear of this sudden loss Jib. It sounds like your last two weeks have been a nightmare. I hope she's at peace and that you'll learn to adapt one day at a time, although of course it will be hard.

I can relate because I lost my dad to cancer, and my mother has cancer now. It's very hard to see our parents suffer and to understand why such horrible things happen to those we love.

Please take time to grieve and allow yourself to feel the rollercoaster as it happens. Preparing for the memorial gathering might help you to focus on the good times through pictures and music which reminds you of her. I'm glad you have the support of your family as well.

Rest in peace to your mother.

Thinking of you,
Issy



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27 Oct 2021, 10:56 pm

I send condolences for your loss.



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28 Oct 2021, 12:07 am

you have my sympathies, your mother is out of pain now. Remember to tend to your grief
for your own mental health. Sorry . :(


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Aprilviolets
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28 Oct 2021, 12:42 am

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mum, I lost my Mum last year and then my sister two months after.
My Mum had dementia and it was so hard as I know she wouldn't have wanted to go like that.

If you need to you can go to grief counselling.



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28 Oct 2021, 5:23 am

Oh no.



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28 Oct 2021, 8:26 am

My sincere condolences.I lost a friend and an Aunt to that cancer.


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28 Oct 2021, 9:08 am

I am sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace and May you find peace and calmness too.



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28 Oct 2021, 9:32 am

I offer very sincere condolences, as well.

Jib wrote:
If there's anyone on here that can relate, I would appreciate your empathy. Loss is never easy, especially when it is a very close parent.
My mother also died after a long, unpleasant battle with cancer--but in 1986. I hurt for about ten years, after which I just missed her. I still miss her.

In my memory of her she is still 52, the age at which she died, instead of 88 which is what her age would be if she was still alive today. Dad, however, is still alive so he's aged a bit since 1986. If she came back I think she'd mention his age to him, a lot.

One thing that happened when my Mom died was it took about a year for me to shake the feeling that if I just knew the correct telephone number I could still call her (even at the time I knew that was not true, but the feeling was there, nonetheless). But that was back before the Internet. Is there some comparable feeling now? Like maybe feeling like if you just had the correct piece of info you could e-mail or text her?

P.S. My Mom's death also threw my digestive tract's rhythms out of whack. They didn't come back until I met my bride.


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28 Oct 2021, 10:12 am

My mother died when I was 11, after heart surgery to repair a faulty valve.

The operation was successful, unfortunately the anticoagulants then weren't as good as they are now and consequently, she died as a result of blood clots in the brain.
I can vividly remember being told by my father; God alone knows how he found the strength to do that and to continue without her.

So Jib, I can certainly relate and I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Words rarely help - but know that while the pain never goes away, it will reduce in its rawness and over time, become softened by happy and loving memories of your mother.
She will always be with you.


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29 Oct 2021, 11:20 am

I can’t fully relate yet, but my father has multiple terminal ailments. We thought one of them might kill him a couple months ago, but he’s still alive and his health is improving, so he may be a candidate for further life extending treatments.

I have lost 20 or so friends and family over the last couple years, though. Some are easier than others to accept and process, while losing close people is very difficult. Just the way it is. Eventually it does get easier once you’ve moved further along the grieving path.. life does go on; just differently with memories of them and pleasant reminders of their influence on your life.

At least it sounds like her illness was a bit sudden and she didn’t suffer for a long time before checking out - that’s a good thing, IMO. If someone’s going to go out via terminal illness that’s a terrible end of life experience, may that time be as brief as possible so they can carry on in the next evolution of their journey without prolonged suffering in a damaged human vessel!


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29 Oct 2021, 11:27 am

Jib wrote:
On the 13th, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which turned out to be terminal. The last two weeks have been challenging as well as heart-wrenching. Yet, my family and I did all we could to make my mother comfortable and happy during her last days.

At 4:35 am PDT this morning, my mother finally succumbed to her cancer. I was saddened to have lost her, who was like a shining light in my life. I found it especially painful to watch the funeral home workers take away her body for cremation.

However, I am grateful that she is finally at peace and that I got to have closure. I am not looking forward to adjusting to life without her, but I will take it one step at a time.

I even have a supportive family to support me. We're even going to celebrate my mother's life next weekend as an alternative to a funeral.

This situation is why I haven't been very active lately, along with being busy at my day job, taking an online horror writing class, and advancing my writing career.

If there's anyone on here that can relate, I would appreciate your empathy. Loss is never easy, especially when it is a very close parent.


*hugs* My deepest sympathies. This has to be so much to process.

I lost my only father figure (not my biological father) just a few weeks ago. He had had multiple strokes and heart attacks over the past several years, and the last heart attack he had put him in a coma. He was taken off of life support soon after that. I don't think I've even had time to process it as I've been in the middle of a cross-country move (and so many other stressful things are happening all at once).

I love that your family will be doing a celebration of life for your mother. Such a beautiful alternative to the funeral.


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29 Oct 2021, 12:22 pm

Condolences to you, too, Flown.


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Jakki
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29 Oct 2021, 5:24 pm

Thought to wonder in this thread if anyone else , does not process death .? With the exception of my Father .. All my very few and close friends that have passed on . Seems like they are just away . But was not present at these people funerals cause of distance . And not having a big circle of friends to talk to about it . Even my therapists in the past seemed to sidetrack those issues .
Or i was not thinking to bring it up. Cause they were only away.

Once again am very sorry for yoour loss of your Mom . :(


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29 Oct 2021, 6:19 pm

You have my deepest sympathies. Nobody deserves cancer. My mum is ill with stage 5 cancer and I feel like I'm grieving for her already. I feel angry that she's suffering like this, as well as sad and stressed, along with many other emotions. This mixture of emotions is putting a toll on my mental health and is why I'm sensitive to everything and easily triggered.

So I understand what you're going through. I've always feared losing my mum, as we've always been very close. She's always been like a best friend to me as well as a mother, and I just can't imagine life without her.

:heart: Hugs :heart:


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