Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,711
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Nov 2017, 10:29 am

I'm very indecisive because if you make the wrong decision most of the time you can't fix it when you realise what you should have done.

It's too late. I cant help beating myself up over mistakes. If only i could have known how this was gojng to turn out i could have made a better decision.



screen_name
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Oct 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,315

10 Nov 2017, 10:49 am

hurtloam wrote:
I'm very indecisive because if you make the wrong decision most of the time you can't fix it when you realise what you should have done.

It's too late. I cant help beating myself up over mistakes. If only i could have known how this was gojng to turn out i could have made a better decision.


I have the same general problem. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today, actually.


_________________
So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well


Sarahsmith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,926
Location: Canada

10 Nov 2017, 1:24 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm very indecisive because if you make the wrong decision most of the time you can't fix it when you realise what you should have done.

It's too late. I cant help beating myself up over mistakes. If only i could have known how this was gojng to turn out i could have made a better decision.


If only you knew how what was going to turn out?

Yes there are some decisions Im afraid to make for fear of the outcome. I have already made permenent mistakes that cant be fixed. I dream of what could have been if only I had made the right decision.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,711
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Nov 2017, 5:16 pm

Things in dealing with other people. If I had said x instead of y. If I'd made my case instead of accepting the situation and not rocking the boat.



nineinchnailsfan93
Raven
Raven

Joined: 12 Jun 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 108

11 Nov 2017, 1:16 am

I can definetly understand where youre coming from. I used to be that way alot, and i still am at a certain degree. Just recently i was offered a good full time job position, and i was really undesisive about taking it because of my stress levels at times. I just simply weighed out tve ootions and decided that there will be plenty of other offers in the future.

What im trying to say is that if one opertunity closes, another will open. Youll do fine.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,593
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

11 Nov 2017, 1:23 am

I'm the same way. Try not to beat yourself up too much - it's not your fault, you can't see the future until it happens. Big dragon hugs :heart:


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.


underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

11 Nov 2017, 3:11 am

hurtloam wrote:
If only i could have known how this was gojng to turn out i could have made a better decision.


But you didn't, so you couldn't.

There is some comfort in self-blame because it creates the illusion that you are somehow in control.

Sometimes it's more important to do anything at all because it breaks the deadlock and creates new opportunities. If control is your issue that can be scary.

It's ok to be the sort of person who needs a lot of control in your life.

For an autistic person, you are doing a lot, both with work and with your social life. Maybe you should stop being so hard on yourself?


_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,711
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

11 Nov 2017, 8:20 am

Thanks I appreciate the comments.

I'll try and explain how devastating this decision was.

Did you see Chris Packham's documentary on autism. He was devastated when his kestrel died. Similar thing going on in my family. Nothing died, but its that level... a decision was made too hastily and someone isn't going to get over it soon.



LostGirI
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 14 Jun 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 205
Location: UK

11 Nov 2017, 10:59 am

I can definitely relate. Can't really make big or small decisions and stew over them for ages. Then when I do take decisive action it all comes out wrong or looks weird.


_________________
I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***


DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

11 Nov 2017, 2:45 pm

underwater wrote:
Sometimes it's more important to do anything at all because it breaks the deadlock and creates new opportunities. If control is your issue that can be scary.

It's ok to be the sort of person who needs a lot of control in your life.


This post really spoke to me. Thanks. :) It helps to remember how important those little action steps are. And also there are times when I put off making a decision, and then realize it's too late now. So my inaction was an unwitting choice. Or changing circumstances made the decision for me.

The hardest part about making a decision for me is getting past that horrible overwhelmed feeling and starting to break down the decision into little action steps I can take right now.



underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

11 Nov 2017, 4:36 pm

DataB4 wrote:
underwater wrote:
Sometimes it's more important to do anything at all because it breaks the deadlock and creates new opportunities. If control is your issue that can be scary.

It's ok to be the sort of person who needs a lot of control in your life.


This post really spoke to me. Thanks. :) It helps to remember how important those little action steps are. And also there are times when I put off making a decision, and then realize it's too late now. So my inaction was an unwitting choice. Or changing circumstances made the decision for me.

The hardest part about making a decision for me is getting past that horrible overwhelmed feeling and starting to break down the decision into little action steps I can take right now.


That's cool :D
Sometimes I have no idea whether things will be helpful or not. People are different. This works for me though.


_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.


underwater
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,904
Location: Hibernating

11 Nov 2017, 4:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Thanks I appreciate the comments.

I'll try and explain how devastating this decision was.

Did you see Chris Packham's documentary on autism. He was devastated when his kestrel died. Similar thing going on in my family. Nothing died, but its that level... a decision was made too hastily and someone isn't going to get over it soon.


All right, can you apologize? Say you're sorry and that you messed up, and ask the other person what you can do to fix it?

I'm sorry, this is all a bit vague, but I do get that you don't want to share everything on the internet. Feedback will be random.


_________________
I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.