Keep feeling jealous of NTs

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Joe90
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25 Nov 2021, 4:16 pm

I hate being lumbered with sh***y ASD. It feels so isolating and as a naturally social person it makes me feel depressed.

To me NT brains are super smart. They're like super technical iPhones. They can connect like Bluetooth and like practically read minds. Lucky for me I can feel and understand emotions but there must be something missing if I can't make friends with my NT peers.

I still can't get over how excluded I was when I first started my job a couple of years ago. It still hurts, even though a couple of the people no longer work there.
I felt just like them; I laughed at their jokes and was laid-back and more or less normal, except I wasn't as loud as 2 of them but I wasn't exactly quiet either. In the group there was a girl with mental health issues, 2 "ordinary" guys (one of the guys had a thing for the girl but the other guy had a wife), and one guy who had a bland personality and was single and still lived with his parents (I used to think he was on the spectrum but I don't think he is, he's just shy). They were all around my age, but the girl also included the teenage daughter of one of the other colleagues (who wasn't part of the group). The teenager didn't work there and was still at school, but somehow she got invited out ice-skating one Saturday with the girl - even though the teenager wasn't like her, she was more like me. But they preferred each other.

And they didn't know each other before they started working there - in fact I knew them before the mentally ill girl started working there, and she was new to the area so didn't know anybody already.

Socialising isn't that f*****g hard. Even I say so myself. It's easy. Eye contact, no problem for me. Smalltalk, interest in other people, expressing emotions - no problem for me. What more do people my age want to be my friend? I'm so crap.

Even for an Aspie this is ridiculous. A severely autistic child probably has more ability to make friends than I do. I get so frustrated with myself. :x :cry:


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Kerch
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25 Nov 2021, 8:25 pm

I'm sorry you're feeling so crap about it. I often feel jealous of NT's. I'm so socially impaired I often hardly feel like a human being.



Joe90
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26 Nov 2021, 1:05 pm

I don't even feel that socially impaired, but my social life says otherwise. It can be both embarrassing and isolating.


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Mona Pereth
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27 Nov 2021, 2:54 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I don't even feel that socially impaired, but my social life says otherwise. It can be both embarrassing and isolating.

A while back you were talking about getting an ADHD evaluation. When will that be happening? ADHD can cause social difficulties too.


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Joe90
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30 Nov 2021, 12:06 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I don't even feel that socially impaired, but my social life says otherwise. It can be both embarrassing and isolating.

A while back you were talking about getting an ADHD evaluation. When will that be happening? ADHD can cause social difficulties too.


I'm having a video call appointment next week. I've been reading up about ADHD and social struggles and it described me very rigidly. I feel like I have ADHD and social anxiety, or ADHD, social anxiety and PDD-NOS.

I think if I had Asperger's without ADHD or social anxiety, I'd probably make friends better, as other Aspies that I know seem to make friends with their NT peers. I believe co-morbids can make an ASD look more "severe" than it actually is in an individual.

But I still keep feeling both hurt and baffled as to why I was so excluded from my colleagues that I could have been friends with.


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Aspinator
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30 Nov 2021, 12:18 pm

I don't feel jealous; I feel very leery. I feel most NTs are predators and they view us as prey. I do not wish to be a predator.



Earthbound_Alien
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30 Nov 2021, 5:28 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I don't even feel that socially impaired, but my social life says otherwise. It can be both embarrassing and isolating.

A while back you were talking about getting an ADHD evaluation. When will that be happening? ADHD can cause social difficulties too.


I'm having a video call appointment next week. I've been reading up about ADHD and social struggles and it described me very rigidly. I feel like I have ADHD and social anxiety, or ADHD, social anxiety and PDD-NOS.

I think if I had Asperger's without ADHD or social anxiety, I'd probably make friends better, as other Aspies that I know seem to make friends with their NT peers. I believe co-morbids can make an ASD look more "severe" than it actually is in an individual.

But I still keep feeling both hurt and baffled as to why I was so excluded from my colleagues that I could have been friends with.


The Psychology field is full of bollocks and so is the DSM.

Don't pay so much attention to it!



Erjoy29
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01 Dec 2021, 10:21 am

I am past the point of being jealous of NT’s. Been that way now for years. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. But I’ve come to a certain acceptance. I just try to seek people who are like me or who are open minded. I try to fill what I can. I hope someday I have enough connections and overall fulfillment. I’m working at that currently. But I’ve had to do a lot of “letting go” throughout my years. If I get jealous of NT’s, for me personally, it’s just going to hurt me more.



Erjoy29
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01 Dec 2021, 10:35 am

Aspinator wrote:
I don't feel jealous; I feel very leery. I feel most NTs are predators and they view us as prey. I do not wish to be a predator.


In my experience, most NT’s tend to feel like prey and I’m like a predator. I don’t want them to feel like prey. Still figuring out to this day how I’m supposed to bridge any gap.



katzhutte
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01 Dec 2021, 10:46 am

Joe90 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I don't even feel that socially impaired, but my social life says otherwise. It can be both embarrassing and isolating.

A while back you were talking about getting an ADHD evaluation. When will that be happening? ADHD can cause social difficulties too.


I'm having a video call appointment next week. I've been reading up about ADHD and social struggles and it described me very rigidly. I feel like I have ADHD and social anxiety, or ADHD, social anxiety and PDD-NOS.

I think if I had Asperger's without ADHD or social anxiety, I'd probably make friends better, as other Aspies that I know seem to make friends with their NT peers. I believe co-morbids can make an ASD look more "severe" than it actually is in an individual.

But I still keep feeling both hurt and baffled as to why I was so excluded from my colleagues that I could have been friends with.


How long has it taken you to get this appointment Joe90 , I read an article the other month that said ADHD services are broken and assessment can take 5 years.

ADHD assessment system 'broken' with five-year waiting times



Joe90
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01 Dec 2021, 12:35 pm

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How long has it taken you to get this appointment Joe90 , I read an article the other month that said ADHD services are broken and assessment can take 5 years.


I don't know, they seem to be dealing with me rather quick. I only first contacted a doctor for a referral back in August I think it was, and I've had a couple of telephone appointments with ADHD specialists since, and I now have a video call appointment next Monday. I don't know what happens after that. I hope it doesn't take 5 years, as I really think this diagnosis will be good for my mental health and might help to understand myself a bit better.


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katzhutte
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01 Dec 2021, 12:51 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
How long has it taken you to get this appointment Joe90 , I read an article the other month that said ADHD services are broken and assessment can take 5 years.


I don't know, they seem to be dealing with me rather quick. I only first contacted a doctor for a referral back in August I think it was, and I've had a couple of telephone appointments with ADHD specialists since, and I now have a video call appointment next Monday. I don't know what happens after that. I hope it doesn't take 5 years, as I really think this diagnosis will be good for my mental health and might help to understand myself a bit better.


It's sounds to me that it is not broken in your area , maybe it's a postcode lottery. Anyway good luck with your assessment and I hope it gives you the knowledge you need to understand yourself better.



theprisoner
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01 Dec 2021, 12:52 pm

Yeah its hard comparing your self to people who are just so much more social adept.


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Joe90
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01 Dec 2021, 2:19 pm

Ironically, if I just had Asperger's alone, I'd probably have more friends. Being on the very high-functioning end of the spectrum (like I am) and not being too severely affected by your symptoms, and naturally having some social skills, usually doesn't make it impossible to make friends, especially if they can mask and mimic social skills like I did. I know of a few different Aspies (some possible Aspies) who seem to have had more friendship experiences than I've ever had, even if they were short-lived. Me, from the age of 12-14 I literally had 0 friends. Never experienced the feeling of friends knocking on my door asking me to hang out. Didn't have any friends to walk to school with. I finally got some friends when I was at college but they were immature, unstable louts and ended up bullying me.

But I've been reading into ADHD and all the social problems ADHD causes describes me exactly. So having ADHD, social anxiety and Asperger's probably is the reason I do not succeed socially no matter how skilled I can be in some (social) areas.


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skrish234
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01 Dec 2021, 2:33 pm

Being autistic, I find it so hard to make friends and maintain friendships. I had some friends a few years ago, and when I revealed to them that I was on the spectrum (regret that), they took advantage of me. I believe they used me as well. Although I have sorta made new friends, I'm scared it's not gonna last. I don't want the same negative things happening.



theprisoner
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01 Dec 2021, 2:36 pm

I think revealing yourself as ASD to a NT is the kiss of death.


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