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browneyedgirlslowingdown
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05 Oct 2021, 9:17 pm

I have been thinking a lot. I noticed recently that I am lonely. I am always lonely. And have been for a very long time. Since I can remember, it's like I am inside of myself, so profoundly that people seldom reach me. Does anyone else feel like this?

It's like being a little shop at the edge of a very long dark alley that no one is interested in shopping at, although I can hear the faint sounds of shoppers in the village up the alley.

Occasionally I will go out to the village or someone will come inside my shop, but they won't stay too long or buy anything.

I am okay with this, but I wonder, is it possible for someone to know me? Understand me?

I feel like when I was a baby and cried or made a bid for connection; it was probably ignored or too mild for anyone to notice.

Does it get better? I don't think it does.

(I'm depressed right now, be kind, please)


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
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Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
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CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


AprilR
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06 Oct 2021, 1:25 pm

*Hugs* I know what you mean. The number of people i had an emotional connection with in my life are probably lower than three. And the relationships i had with these people were obsessive and codependent.

I hope you can have healthy relationships with supportive people that you can feel close to. And if it doesn't happen try to come to terms with not being connected to someone specific. Even if you don't have interpersonal relationships you are also connected to the world/the universe in general. That's how i feel at least.



Earthbound_Alien
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06 Oct 2021, 2:21 pm

I am lonely but I am used to it

it has a plus side

I don't need the love of another human to be OK with myself

it has made me indepedent



Earthbound_Alien
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06 Oct 2021, 2:21 pm

AprilR wrote:
*Hugs* I know what you mean. The number of people i had an emotional connection with in my life are probably lower than three. And the relationships i had with these people were obsessive and codependent.

I hope you can have healthy relationships with supportive people that you can feel close to. And if it doesn't happen try to come to terms with not being connected to someone specific. Even if you don't have interpersonal relationships you are also connected to the world/the universe in general. That's how i feel at least.



I don't have connections

they are a myth



Mountain Goat
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06 Oct 2021, 2:24 pm

Yes. I understand.



Velorum
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06 Oct 2021, 2:29 pm

Sorry to hear that you feel like that.

Perhaps its a case of finding the right kind of connections - a rather obvious thing to say and easier to say than do of course.

When I was younger I think that I felt lonely at times. For me this was more about not knowing myself and imagining that connections were something that they for me are not.

I am closely connected with my two daughters and my grandsons -something that makes the hell of one my marriages tolerable in retrospect. Other than that I neither have nor need anyone else.

Living alone is bliss.


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Earthbound_Alien
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06 Oct 2021, 7:41 pm

why is everyone obsessed with connections....

I learned long ago that no one will ever understand me

they don't need too

maybe a little mystery is better



Earthbound_Alien
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06 Oct 2021, 7:44 pm

I attach to people without connections

never had one, not convinced they exist



Jakki
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06 Oct 2021, 7:57 pm

a hug is offered to browneyedgirl, know what you mean , have similiar experiences .
Often find myself just sharing opinions with others casually in a off hand way. Which allows me
to feel content with the ideas that , i am not completely alone in the universe. Do have a few business type friends in the world , which affords other times to share an opinion with others . Another friend whom do have the very rare occassion to go out to dinner with .


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Shellbelle
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06 Oct 2021, 9:39 pm

Yes, I can relate too. This forum has helped take the edge of the lonely feelings for me, but doesn't mean they are all gone.

There are many good people here, and many who can relate, if not connect to you, even if it is from a distance.

I second what the wise Jakki said, and am sending you a hug as well.



Earthbound_Alien
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07 Oct 2021, 3:44 am

I am used to being lonely and don't notice anymore...i have always been disconnected from other humans but can love them and am happy with that.

I don't seem to need connections, I can still adore some of them from afar so to speak.

they need connections, they seem to need to be loved.

I don't need to be loved but I do seem to need to love

I like to spoil them and give them lots of affection...



Earthbound_Alien
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07 Oct 2021, 3:48 am

I have spent a life time trying to understand other humans and am still none the wiser

I don't understand the harsh ones because I am soft

a little girl with an intellect....

thats me

the world wants me to be a grown up but I find it too stressful

I won't wear a mask anymore



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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09 Oct 2021, 1:35 am

AprilR wrote:
*Hugs* I know what you mean. The number of people i had an emotional connection with in my life are probably lower than three. And the relationships i had with these people were obsessive and codependent.

I hope you can have healthy relationships with supportive people that you can feel close to. And if it doesn't happen try to come to terms with not being connected to someone specific. Even if you don't have interpersonal relationships you are also connected to the world/the universe in general. That's how i feel at least.


I feel connected here, just knowing that you understand. I am sorry that you do, and that your experiences in a relationship have been so difficult. To your point about connection to the world/universe, I have had that in the past, but I am working on cultivating more now.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


browneyedgirlslowingdown
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09 Oct 2021, 1:36 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
I am lonely but I am used to it

it has a plus side

I don't need the love of another human to be OK with myself

it has made me indepedent


I am incredibly independent. I also have love. I am also okay with myself. I mean specifically understood to some degree.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


browneyedgirlslowingdown
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09 Oct 2021, 1:37 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
AprilR wrote:
*Hugs* I know what you mean. The number of people i had an emotional connection with in my life are probably lower than three. And the relationships i had with these people were obsessive and codependent.

I hope you can have healthy relationships with supportive people that you can feel close to. And if it doesn't happen try to come to terms with not being connected to someone specific. Even if you don't have interpersonal relationships you are also connected to the world/the universe in general. That's how i feel at least.



I don't have connections

they are a myth


Connections are happening here in this thread, I don't understand your point about it being a myth. I feel understood by many of the responses here and as a result, connected.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


browneyedgirlslowingdown
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Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 35
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Posts: 240

09 Oct 2021, 1:38 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Yes. I understand.


Thank you. I mean that.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52