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babybird
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17 Oct 2021, 1:21 pm

A narc will always play the victim and make themselves the centre of attention.



Jakki
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17 Oct 2021, 3:33 pm

@ dorkseid
Again, the problem is that anyone can accuse anyone else and add their names. The narcissists can add the names of their victims or play the victim and claim that are falsely accused. And in most situation it is nearly impossible to prove things like gaslighting.

Your arguement does not bear merit . It would not matter , whose name appears . The issue is
The person who is suspecting of being gaslighted . Could have a resource . And if anyone individual
calls another into question . And this person is actively engaged in such a situation..
Regardless of whose name appears , It would serve to act as a resource. If you had read my post thoroughly . You might see the point is directed to individual names and their actual interactions.
Not meant as a general knowledge base but as specific interaction between individuals ..
And such a site would need that disclaimer .
If you had read through in context , It would be a site not to serve as a indictment of a person, but as a service ,, ( a just incase type of list) [Not meant to prove anything]
Unless of course you are trying to prove a point by intentionally misunderstanding what was
printed in my post . Which could be contrued as another form of Gaslighting .......
Not to imply that we could possibly be having any source of miscommunication ?


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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2021, 4:16 pm

Seriously…..don’t let yourself be gaslighted. Remember everything another person tells you—that’s the key.



Jakki
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17 Oct 2021, 6:12 pm

Often the other person will claim you said something different than you remember . This may only be initially to obfuscate ( blur) a few details . Then you maynot consider it important , but as the situation goes on, they will alter entire actions you may have had with them or one of their conspirators . or imply your memory could be faulty . Then you are being set up for the big fall.
Simple as dont you remember you said, i could use your credit card or dont you remember you gave that to me. And it goes from there.


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dorkseid
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17 Oct 2021, 11:00 pm

It seems like nobody ever understands what it is like to be the victim of a narcissist until they themselves get victimized.



Sweetleaf
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17 Oct 2021, 11:37 pm

I don't know if this helps, but the whole point of gaslighting is to make you question your sanity. It seems like even though you aren't still in that relationship some of that is at least still sticking. You probably aren't crazy, but like if you were living with being gaslighted a bunch it would make sense some of that is still carrying over, I figure it might be similar to PTSD I have even though the situation is over it is still effecting you.

So no I don't think you are crazy, sounds like you experienced something traumatizing and haven't been able to heal from it yet but it doesn't mean you're crazy, it means you're human and reacting to harm that was done to you.



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18 Oct 2021, 2:24 am

The problem is men being victims of domestic abuse isn't taken as seriously as it is about women who are abused. I even wonder what are the statistics of men being in abusive relationships compared to women, is it really rare or more common than we think?

As a woman, I never had anyone doubt me when I would talk about how bad my ex was. But whenever a guy talks about how bad their ex's were, they are doubted.

You are not crazy. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.


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babybird
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18 Oct 2021, 3:05 am

League_Girl wrote:
The problem is men being victims of domestic abuse isn't taken as seriously as it is about women who are abused. I even wonder what are the statistics of men being in abusive relationships compared to women, is it really rare or more common than we think?

As a woman, I never had anyone doubt me when I would talk about how bad my ex was. But whenever a guy talks about how bad their ex's were, they are doubted.

You are not crazy. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.


It's possible that just as many women are abusive towards their partners. It's really scary.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I turned the tables on him and from there on in I was the physically abusive one and he was the emotionally abusive one.

The thing is is that I thought I was gaining control when I started to abuse him but in fact I had lost control. It was the absolute worst and darkest time of my life. I hated myself and I hated him as well.

My heart goes out to men who are being abused because they are less likely to ask for help and less likely to be taken seriously as well but I do think that it happens just as much as it happens to women.



Sweetleaf
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18 Oct 2021, 3:28 am

babybird wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
The problem is men being victims of domestic abuse isn't taken as seriously as it is about women who are abused. I even wonder what are the statistics of men being in abusive relationships compared to women, is it really rare or more common than we think?

As a woman, I never had anyone doubt me when I would talk about how bad my ex was. But whenever a guy talks about how bad their ex's were, they are doubted.

You are not crazy. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.


It's possible that just as many women are abusive towards their partners. It's really scary.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I turned the tables on him and from there on in I was the physically abusive one and he was the emotionally abusive one.

The thing is is that I thought I was gaining control when I started to abuse him but in fact I had lost control. It was the absolute worst and darkest time of my life. I hated myself and I hated him as well.

My heart goes out to men who are being abused because they are less likely to ask for help and less likely to be taken seriously as well but I do think that it happens just as much as it happens to women.


There was also the whole thing like in the 90's kind of normalizing wives on T.V or movies just acting crazy if they got mad...like throwing plates and for sure things that like if a man started doing it someone would probably call the cops. And like the whole idea of the husbands having to just answer to 'the wife' as if 'the wife' was some insane alien overlord they had to kneel down to. But what really kinda bothers me about that sort of thing back than was it did kind of seem to diminish the possibility that men can suffer abuse to, it is not always a woman being abused by a man...men can get abused by women to. Like it was 'funny' in comedies if abuse toward the husband was implied but the same jokes would not have been funny and gained so much canned laughter if a woman was the target. Idk even as a child that kind of bothered me. Like why is it not very ok for a guy to be like that to a woman, but it is fine if a woman is like that to a man. But I just feel like even if that stuff was just meant to be funny it kind of just encouraged diminishing the experiences of men who have suffered abuse from women.



babybird
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18 Oct 2021, 3:37 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
babybird wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
The problem is men being victims of domestic abuse isn't taken as seriously as it is about women who are abused. I even wonder what are the statistics of men being in abusive relationships compared to women, is it really rare or more common than we think?

As a woman, I never had anyone doubt me when I would talk about how bad my ex was. But whenever a guy talks about how bad their ex's were, they are doubted.

You are not crazy. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.


It's possible that just as many women are abusive towards their partners. It's really scary.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I turned the tables on him and from there on in I was the physically abusive one and he was the emotionally abusive one.

The thing is is that I thought I was gaining control when I started to abuse him but in fact I had lost control. It was the absolute worst and darkest time of my life. I hated myself and I hated him as well.

My heart goes out to men who are being abused because they are less likely to ask for help and less likely to be taken seriously as well but I do think that it happens just as much as it happens to women.


There was also the whole thing like in the 90's kind of normalizing wives on T.V or movies just acting crazy if they got mad...like throwing plates and for sure things that like if a man started doing it someone would probably call the cops. And like the whole idea of the husbands having to just answer to 'the wife' as if 'the wife' was some insane alien overlord they had to kneel down to. But what really kinda bothers me about that sort of thing back than was it did kind of seem to diminish the possibility that men can suffer abuse to, it is not always a woman being abused by a man...men can get abused by women to. Like it was 'funny' in comedies if abuse toward the husband was implied but the same jokes would not have been funny and gained so much canned laughter if a woman was the target. Idk even as a child that kind of bothered me. Like why is it not very ok for a guy to be like that to a woman, but it is fine if a woman is like that to a man. But I just feel like even if that stuff was just meant to be funny it kind of just encouraged diminishing the experiences of men who have suffered abuse from women.


You are so right Sweetleaf. You still see it to a degree and it is still kind of acceptable for women to slap a man around the face of kick him in his nuts and it will still get a laugh. It is by no means funny to do that to anyone whether they are male or female.



kraftiekortie
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18 Oct 2021, 5:55 am

I’ve been a victim of gaslighters.

And I get that you have been, too, Dorkseid.

But you really can’t let them determine the course of your life.