The #MeToo movement has gone too far. I'm done!! !

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DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 1:58 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I empathise with you.

I wonder if you can take some comfort in the idea that instantly banning someone could be a protection to someone else in the long run if this happens to someone else.

Hear me out.

Unfortunately a lot of cases, way too many, were just ignored in the past and vulnerable people have been hurt.

Have you heard reports of that happening and been livid that no one took action sooner? I have.

It's really difficult to get a balance. Those with the responsibility of organising social activities for vulnerable people don't want to make the same mistakes as others have in the past, so they act immediately. They are scared that they will be the cause of someone getting hurt. They don't want to be like those people who messed up someone's life like they hear about on the news.

I don't know if stepping back and considering the current climate of fear of being like our last generation who didn't act effectively will help you find a little peace.

We are as society still finding the best way to deal with these types of things. It's really difficult to get it right.

However, you'd think they would respond to you! It's not fair to drop someone like a lead balloon and not explain why. Especially in an autism group when they should know they need to be clear on explanations and not just assume an autistic person understands.

Do you have an external person who can advocate for you? Someone who can mediate between you and the group?

A 3 week ban without explanation is pretty stupid if you had actually done something wrong. If they don't explain what the accused did wrong, they'll just do it again when they're unbanned. How stupid of them not to explain and work out a plan going forward. I'm angry for you!

It's Kafkaesque!


I see your point and I'm not upset at you for helping me see that perspective

The issue I have though is I was banned instantly from false accusations without even an iota of recourse to defending myself or even representing myself - like not even once was I even confronted about these accusations until 3 weeks after I had been suddenly and inexplicably banned, to which I was told that I'm guilty of all of these offenses without any recourse to appealing my innocence. And even the explanation, as hurtful as it was to be gaslit and told I'm guilty for crimes I never did nor was I even asked about to defend myself, the explanation only came after 3 weeks of persistent emails to the director asking why I was suddenly kicked out the support group without any explanation or statement as to my offense.

And btw I wasn't banned for 3 weeks. I'm banned permanently. It just so happens that it took 3 weeks for the director to provide me an explanation as to my ban after asking persistently for 3 weeks for her warrant banning me. I can never come back. Even worse this director is in charge of multiple autism and mental health support groups and organizations and she unilaterally banned me permanently from them all on account of this libel

Kafkeasque indeed :evil: :evil: :evil:



I mean that does seem kind of unfair, like they didn't even initially tell you, that you made anyone uncomfortable? Just banned you and wouldn't give a reason as to why? I mean sure maybe you did say something offensive, but maybe they could have just told you that and idk you could have apologized if you saw their point but sounds like they never actually talked to you about it and just assumed the worse...when maybe it was nothing more than, you just felt awkward and said a wrong thing.


I said nothing on that support group offensive. because in that support group I was the quiet one who rarely even spoke to begin with. I had great rapport and was kind and polite to everyone, but I rarely spoke and was struggling to speak 99% of the times, making this entire ordeal even more unfair


Yeah that is rough, but the crappy thing is you may have said something that bothered someone without meaning it offensively, but if they never mentioned it and you never intended to offend someone , like that is sh*tty to deal with, when they won't even say what bothered them. So you don't really have a way to even apologize because you don't even know what they got offended by.


I'll gladly apologize for an actual offensive or hurtful comment I made accidentally or unintentionally without realizing I hurt someone

But apologizing for sexual harassment, sexual innuendo and or racism, all of which I never once during my time there even came close to???

That I refuse. I know for a fact I never groped one of the girls, I know for a fact I never made comments about the women's bodies, and I know for a fact I never made fun of any religions or cultures at the support group. The director accused me of all of the above and there's no way I'm going to apologize for being framed for crimes I never even thought of



cyberdad
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26 Dec 2021, 2:02 am

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
Just today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment, sexual innuendo, making inappropriate comments to females in my autism support group, and all of this was just alerted to me today after 3 weeks of being banned from my support group without any reason given to me at all - until today that is, where the reason for my sudden and permanent termination from my support group was none other than fabricated charges of sexual harassment, innuendo, and molesting that were so laughable and trollish that I would be laughing at this entire debacle were it not for the fact that im crying in depression for having my life so devalued and being so hated that im expelled from a support group permanently on false charges that not only are untrue, are so untrue that accusing me of working for the mafia would actually make more sense than any of the charges arraigned against me

To be banned on false charges of sexual harassment, molestation, sexual innuendoes and racism, all fabricated and BS, wasn't the part that got me the most mad. The part that got me the most mad was that in those 3 weeks when I was emailing the director everyday asking why I was banned never once did she notify me of any of these allegations against me, never once was there any inquiry on my part as to the validity or veracity of charges arraigned against me, never once did she even bother to let me know that there are claims against me as such; in other words all it took was a woman or clique of women who didnt like me for some reason (genuinely dont even know who because I never fought with anyone there) and once she or they made the claims against me my word wasn't even worth looking into: I was guilty by default as soon as the 1st allegation claimed I was a dirty racist and sex offender and the rest was history


I think you should try and defend yourself against the ban if you believe strongly you did nothing wrong.

But what has this got to do with #Meetoo?? Is it possible you really have just said/done innapropriate things? I agree with you the director should talk to you as simply banning without explanation isn't constructive.


Did you really just tell me that I may have said or done inappropriate things when reading everything I wrote it was kind of yucking obvious this entire scandal against me is maliciously fabricated? Are you seriously trying to gaslight me????

I dont like your tone of writing with me. I dont "believe" I didn't do wrong, I know I didnt do anything wrong.


Calm down dude, I am trying to get to the bottom of the issue your director is trying to make. What specifically is he/she claiming?



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 2:08 am

cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
Just today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment, sexual innuendo, making inappropriate comments to females in my autism support group, and all of this was just alerted to me today after 3 weeks of being banned from my support group without any reason given to me at all - until today that is, where the reason for my sudden and permanent termination from my support group was none other than fabricated charges of sexual harassment, innuendo, and molesting that were so laughable and trollish that I would be laughing at this entire debacle were it not for the fact that im crying in depression for having my life so devalued and being so hated that im expelled from a support group permanently on false charges that not only are untrue, are so untrue that accusing me of working for the mafia would actually make more sense than any of the charges arraigned against me

To be banned on false charges of sexual harassment, molestation, sexual innuendoes and racism, all fabricated and BS, wasn't the part that got me the most mad. The part that got me the most mad was that in those 3 weeks when I was emailing the director everyday asking why I was banned never once did she notify me of any of these allegations against me, never once was there any inquiry on my part as to the validity or veracity of charges arraigned against me, never once did she even bother to let me know that there are claims against me as such; in other words all it took was a woman or clique of women who didnt like me for some reason (genuinely dont even know who because I never fought with anyone there) and once she or they made the claims against me my word wasn't even worth looking into: I was guilty by default as soon as the 1st allegation claimed I was a dirty racist and sex offender and the rest was history


I think you should try and defend yourself against the ban if you believe strongly you did nothing wrong.

But what has this got to do with #Meetoo?? Is it possible you really have just said/done innapropriate things? I agree with you the director should talk to you as simply banning without explanation isn't constructive.


Did you really just tell me that I may have said or done inappropriate things when reading everything I wrote it was kind of yucking obvious this entire scandal against me is maliciously fabricated? Are you seriously trying to gaslight me????

I dont like your tone of writing with me. I dont "believe" I didn't do wrong, I know I didnt do anything wrong.


Calm down dude, I am trying to get to the bottom of the issue your director is trying to make. What specifically is he/she claiming?



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26 Dec 2021, 2:09 am

and?



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 2:14 am

cyberdad wrote:
and?


s**t, my post got deleted.

im going to summarize the entire message because I wrote several long paragraphs and it all got deleted (I use voice software system so I guess I forgot to turn it on)

Basically the director accused me of 3 main top charges:

1) That I am guilty of sexual harassment in the form of groping females and touching them inappropriately without their consent.

2) I am guilty of repeatedly and unabashedly making sexually explicit comments about the girls and especially the female staff, using dirty innuendo and talking jokingly about rape and verbally harassing the women. I am especially guilty I am told about talking sexually about the women's bodies and making them feel uncomfortable

3) racism. I am told that I have made racist comments about certain minority groups and that ive demonstrated a pattern of racism towards different cultures and have mocked other belief systems

All 3 charges are unambiguously false and libel. Saying im a hitman for the mafia makes more sense than any of the above 3 charges



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26 Dec 2021, 2:32 am

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I empathise with you.

I wonder if you can take some comfort in the idea that instantly banning someone could be a protection to someone else in the long run if this happens to someone else.

Hear me out.

Unfortunately a lot of cases, way too many, were just ignored in the past and vulnerable people have been hurt.

Have you heard reports of that happening and been livid that no one took action sooner? I have.

It's really difficult to get a balance. Those with the responsibility of organising social activities for vulnerable people don't want to make the same mistakes as others have in the past, so they act immediately. They are scared that they will be the cause of someone getting hurt. They don't want to be like those people who messed up someone's life like they hear about on the news.

I don't know if stepping back and considering the current climate of fear of being like our last generation who didn't act effectively will help you find a little peace.

We are as society still finding the best way to deal with these types of things. It's really difficult to get it right.

However, you'd think they would respond to you! It's not fair to drop someone like a lead balloon and not explain why. Especially in an autism group when they should know they need to be clear on explanations and not just assume an autistic person understands.

Do you have an external person who can advocate for you? Someone who can mediate between you and the group?

A 3 week ban without explanation is pretty stupid if you had actually done something wrong. If they don't explain what the accused did wrong, they'll just do it again when they're unbanned. How stupid of them not to explain and work out a plan going forward. I'm angry for you!

It's Kafkaesque!


I see your point and I'm not upset at you for helping me see that perspective

The issue I have though is I was banned instantly from false accusations without even an iota of recourse to defending myself or even representing myself - like not even once was I even confronted about these accusations until 3 weeks after I had been suddenly and inexplicably banned, to which I was told that I'm guilty of all of these offenses without any recourse to appealing my innocence. And even the explanation, as hurtful as it was to be gaslit and told I'm guilty for crimes I never did nor was I even asked about to defend myself, the explanation only came after 3 weeks of persistent emails to the director asking why I was suddenly kicked out the support group without any explanation or statement as to my offense.

And btw I wasn't banned for 3 weeks. I'm banned permanently. It just so happens that it took 3 weeks for the director to provide me an explanation as to my ban after asking persistently for 3 weeks for her warrant banning me. I can never come back. Even worse this director is in charge of multiple autism and mental health support groups and organizations and she unilaterally banned me permanently from them all on account of this libel

Kafkeasque indeed :evil: :evil: :evil:



I mean that does seem kind of unfair, like they didn't even initially tell you, that you made anyone uncomfortable? Just banned you and wouldn't give a reason as to why? I mean sure maybe you did say something offensive, but maybe they could have just told you that and idk you could have apologized if you saw their point but sounds like they never actually talked to you about it and just assumed the worse...when maybe it was nothing more than, you just felt awkward and said a wrong thing.


I said nothing on that support group offensive. because in that support group I was the quiet one who rarely even spoke to begin with. I had great rapport and was kind and polite to everyone, but I rarely spoke and was struggling to speak 99% of the times, making this entire ordeal even more unfair


Yeah that is rough, but the crappy thing is you may have said something that bothered someone without meaning it offensively, but if they never mentioned it and you never intended to offend someone , like that is sh*tty to deal with, when they won't even say what bothered them. So you don't really have a way to even apologize because you don't even know what they got offended by.


I'll gladly apologize for an actual offensive or hurtful comment I made accidentally or unintentionally without realizing I hurt someone

But apologizing for sexual harassment, sexual innuendo and or racism, all of which I never once during my time there even came close to???

That I refuse. I know for a fact I never groped one of the girls, I know for a fact I never made comments about the women's bodies, and I know for a fact I never made fun of any religions or cultures at the support group. The director accused me of all of the above and there's no way I'm going to apologize for being framed for crimes I never even thought of


Yeah like baseless accusations are something else, but yeah I figured if you just made a comment that bothered someone they could have just said that and gave you an oppurtunity to make it right. But yeah sounds like you didn't do the things you got accused of and people act like you have even though you clearly remember you didn't

i mean I don't know why this is being done to you, but it seems like gaslighting kind of...like trying to make you feel crazy about it when you from the sound of it didn't do anything wrong but they are trying to make it out like you did something horrible.


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26 Dec 2021, 3:21 am

Wow, that sucks. I'd blame the woman in charge of the support group instead of a whole movement, but yeah, it sucks.

Do you have any ways to contact other people, men or women, who've been in that group? Maybe they'd know what this is all about and if this has happened to someone else, too.

Also, one thing that came to mind is that face blindness is common among those on the spectrum. Could it be that there is someone in the group who's done all of those things, but the person who originally complained to the person in charge has trouble remembering faces and accidentally said your name when she meant to say someone else's?
Of course, even if this was the case, it's unfair to ban you without an explanation and a chance to hear your side of the story, but it'd be a logical explanation as to why you got accused of such things.



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26 Dec 2021, 4:10 am

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
1) That I am guilty of sexual harassment in the form of groping females and touching them inappropriately without their consent.

That's a serious accusation, do they have proof?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
2) I am guilty of repeatedly and unabashedly making sexually explicit comments about the girls and especially the female staff, using dirty innuendo and talking jokingly about rape and verbally harassing the women. I am especially guilty I am told about talking sexually about the women's bodies and making them feel uncomfortable

Do they have written or audio recording? do they have witness statements on a stat dec?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
3) racism. I am told that I have made racist comments about certain minority groups and that ive demonstrated a pattern of racism towards different cultures and have mocked other belief systems

Aren't you Lebanese? why would they say this?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
All 3 charges are unambiguously false and libel. Saying im a hitman for the mafia makes more sense than any of the above 3 charges


I'll echo what's been said that you need to talk to the support group director and ask what evidence they have. If you aren't satisfied then take it up with a higher authority or whoever the director reports to.

A support group is mean't to be provide support so the accusations they are making are serious and need to be substantiated or documented.



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26 Dec 2021, 4:15 am

cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
1) That I am guilty of sexual harassment in the form of groping females and touching them inappropriately without their consent.

That's a serious accusation, do they have proof?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
2) I am guilty of repeatedly and unabashedly making sexually explicit comments about the girls and especially the female staff, using dirty innuendo and talking jokingly about rape and verbally harassing the women. I am especially guilty I am told about talking sexually about the women's bodies and making them feel uncomfortable

Do they have written or audio recording? do they have witness statements on a stat dec?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
3) racism. I am told that I have made racist comments about certain minority groups and that ive demonstrated a pattern of racism towards different cultures and have mocked other belief systems

Aren't you Lebanese? why would they say this?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
All 3 charges are unambiguously false and libel. Saying im a hitman for the mafia makes more sense than any of the above 3 charges


I'll echo what's been said that you need to talk to the support group director and ask what evidence they have. If you aren't satisfied then take it up with a higher authority or whoever the director reports to.

A support group is mean't to be provide support so the accusations they are making are serious and need to be substantiated or documented.


You are not wrong, but sometimes it is just easier to walk away...even if you do have things that can be brought up. Sometimes its not worth the effort and walking away is better. It is at least what I did with one job, I could had tried to bring them to court for not actually giving me lunch breaks but that would have been so much time dealing with court crap...it was just easier to walk away from the job.


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26 Dec 2021, 4:20 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
You are not wrong, but sometimes it is just easier to walk away...even if you do have things that can be brought up. Sometimes its not worth the effort and walking away is better. It is at least what I did with one job, I could had tried to bring them to court for not actually giving me lunch breaks but that would have been so much time dealing with court crap...it was just easier to walk away from the job.


Well I get's that's up to the OP.

Part of the reason I am recommending taking it further is in case the director/somebody in the support group is victimising him and I wouldn't want others to find themselves in the same predicament.

On the other hand if there is any element of truth in the accusations (we can only go by the OP's side of the story) then maybe it will provide a learning experience for the OP.

But, yes, I can see how escalating the situation can be more stressful.



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 4:22 am

cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
1) That I am guilty of sexual harassment in the form of groping females and touching them inappropriately without their consent.

That's a serious accusation, do they have proof?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
2) I am guilty of repeatedly and unabashedly making sexually explicit comments about the girls and especially the female staff, using dirty innuendo and talking jokingly about rape and verbally harassing the women. I am especially guilty I am told about talking sexually about the women's bodies and making them feel uncomfortable

Do they have written or audio recording? do they have witness statements on a stat dec?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
3) racism. I am told that I have made racist comments about certain minority groups and that ive demonstrated a pattern of racism towards different cultures and have mocked other belief systems

Aren't you Lebanese? why would they say this?

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
All 3 charges are unambiguously false and libel. Saying im a hitman for the mafia makes more sense than any of the above 3 charges


I'll echo what's been said that you need to talk to the support group director and ask what evidence they have. If you aren't satisfied then take it up with a higher authority or whoever the director reports to.

A support group is mean't to be provide support so the accusations they are making are serious and need to be substantiated or documented.


There is no proof for any of the allegations. which I forcefully brought up to the supervisor to which she refused to even listen to me nor reply

worst of all is that because these meetings have lately been on Zoom only I cant even defend myself to the people in that group because when I try to log on to the zoom just to speak im immediately kicked out by the host the second my name is shown

f**k this!!



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26 Dec 2021, 5:02 am

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
worst of all is that because these meetings have lately been on Zoom only I cant even defend myself to the people in that group because when I try to log on to the zoom just to speak im immediately kicked out by the host the second my name is shown


I assume the groping allegations came prior to when support meetings were F2F?



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 5:11 am

cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
worst of all is that because these meetings have lately been on Zoom only I cant even defend myself to the people in that group because when I try to log on to the zoom just to speak im immediately kicked out by the host the second my name is shown


I assume the groping allegations came prior to when support meetings were F2F?


The Autism support group fluctuated between in person, zoom, and hybrid depending on health guidelines and the whims of the director. We had more hybrid meetings this summer, but most of this winter has been zoom exclusive.

The allegations of groping are referring to when we did meet in person this summer and sometimes this fall



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26 Dec 2021, 5:15 am

DmitriNicholaev wrote:
The Autism support group fluctuated between in person, zoom, and hybrid depending on health guidelines and the whims of the director. We had more hybrid meetings this summer, but most of this winter has been zoom exclusive.

The allegations of groping are referring to when we did meet in person this summer and sometimes this fall


I assume the zoom sessions aren't recorded?



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 5:17 am

cyberdad wrote:
DmitriNicholaev wrote:
The Autism support group fluctuated between in person, zoom, and hybrid depending on health guidelines and the whims of the director. We had more hybrid meetings this summer, but most of this winter has been zoom exclusive.

The allegations of groping are referring to when we did meet in person this summer and sometimes this fall


I assume the zoom sessions aren't recorded?


Holy s**t you brought up a good point.

if the zoom sessions are recorded then there's a greater chance of proving my innocence

Except that may not work if the allegations claim I only acted as such during in person sessions.

and then in that case we're back to square 1



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26 Dec 2021, 3:27 pm

Imagine if there were no other women that made false claims and it was just that board director that made the whole thing up because she doesn't like you for some reason. So she makes the whole thing up to exclude you. This is the worst case of bullying. Is she on the spectrum too?

This is not the fault of the me too movement.


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