Autistic people unknowingly committing crimes

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Joe90
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13 Sep 2022, 3:14 pm

This is where autism and psychopathy are completely different and why women fall for bad guys but reject autistic guys. "Bad" men know how to charm girls and know how to get around them, and they can emotionally manipulate to the point where the woman becomes trapped.
But most autistic men want to make a woman feel special and aren't intending on mistreating them, but can become complacent too quickly. After the first couple of dates the autistic guy might think "now that I don't have to worry about finding a girlfriend I can get back to my special interests", and the girl (NT or not) can feel bored or unloved - even though the autistic man does love her but might just not be aware of what he should be doing.
Yes most couples do prefer to do their interests after a while but that usually happens gradually. I've been with my boyfriend 8 years and we've been living together 4 years and we have become complacent of course but in the first year we both obviously put in all the effort we could to kind of build a healthy relationship up.

I think it's remaining a balance between taking things steady but putting a lot of effort into it at the same time. Some autistic men (and some autistic women too) can either be too much one way or too much the other. But it seems more common in autistic men, although it doesn't apply to all.
While I seem skilled with boundaries when it comes to romance, I find it hard with boundaries when it comes to friendships, particularly when trying to make friends with other females. I don't know how to keep a balance between aloofness and overpowering.


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KitLily
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13 Sep 2022, 4:16 pm

Joe90 wrote:
This is where autism and psychopathy are completely different and why women fall for bad guys but reject autistic guys. "Bad" men know how to charm girls and know how to get around them, and they can emotionally manipulate to the point where the woman becomes trapped.
But most autistic men want to make a woman feel special and aren't intending on mistreating them, but can become complacent too quickly.

While I seem skilled with boundaries when it comes to romance, I find it hard with boundaries when it comes to friendships, particularly when trying to make friends with other females. I don't know how to keep a balance between aloofness and overpowering.


Wow those are very wise comments, you know how it works!

Yes, the 'bad boy' seems to attract women exactly the way you describe. I wouldn't say my first boyfriend was a bad boy but he was certainly manipulative. He was more 'I act a bit rough and tough but I'm nice underneath.' Which he wasn't! But I've never liked the classic bad boys.

I'm the same as you are with romance and friendships. I seem to be alright with romance but I have no idea how to make friends with females. They seem to speak a different language to me, full of subtleties, hints and references, and I always put my foot in it. The friendships seem to be going fine then suddenly the 'friend' disappears and eventually I find out that I offended them so badly they never want to see me again. No compromise or talking about it or finding out if it was a misunderstanding. Just gone.

:shrug:


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SkinnyElephant
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13 Sep 2022, 6:50 pm

KitLily wrote:

Wow those are very wise comments, you know how it works!

Yes, the 'bad boy' seems to attract women exactly the way you describe. I wouldn't say my first boyfriend was a bad boy but he was certainly manipulative. He was more 'I act a bit rough and tough but I'm nice underneath.' Which he wasn't! But I've never liked the classic bad boys.

I'm the same as you are with romance and friendships. I seem to be alright with romance but I have no idea how to make friends with females. They seem to speak a different language to me, full of subtleties, hints and references, and I always put my foot in it. The friendships seem to be going fine then suddenly the 'friend' disappears and eventually I find out that I offended them so badly they never want to see me again. No compromise or talking about it or finding out if it was a misunderstanding. Just gone.

:shrug:


Yeah. Even if a bad boy is a total jerk, he knows how to charm his way into a relationship.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Sep 2022, 7:10 pm

Could someone please explain to me what a "bad boy" is?

I know the term but I don't know if there's a set understanding of what it means.



Joe90
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13 Sep 2022, 10:01 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Could someone please explain to me what a "bad boy" is?

I know the term but I don't know if there's a set understanding of what it means.


Well originally I was referring to men who aren't the ideal boyfriend (domestic abusers).


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SkinnyElephant
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14 Sep 2022, 2:02 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Could someone please explain to me what a "bad boy" is?

I know the term but I don't know if there's a set understanding of what it means.


My idea of bad boys are the bikers, gang members, MMA fighters, drug dealers, etc

The list I provided is not all-encompassing.



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14 Sep 2022, 3:33 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Could someone please explain to me what a "bad boy" is?

I know the term but I don't know if there's a set understanding of what it means.


A "Bad boy" is a boy/man who does risky things and usually has high social game and social skills. He tends to be very handsome aka what guys call "chads" but depending on culture he doesn't have to have really good looks. He is usually able to use his social skills to get a girl/woman or status if he is popular but, he usually has no intent on settling down with one girl and tends to "play the field". They tend to have a bunch of "Toxic Masculine" traits that women don't like yet still be more than willing to pick him over a less interesting guy that has things that women say they want.

He tends to have an A-hole of a personality(or what is perceived by what society says is a good or bad personality), Offer no willingness to commit to any woman, engage in dangerous things, slept with many women, etc. Pretty much he has a bunch of "red-flags" that would make for a bad boyfriend and husband but is still considered the best catch for some reason or another. I can't explain it well because I personally don't bother with them I can only really go by what others say. These are the guys that women complain about on facebook and twitter then say that there are "no good men anymore!" or "where are all the good men at?" and "men ain't S@#t!".


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14 Sep 2022, 4:53 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Could someone please explain to me what a "bad boy" is?

I know the term but I don't know if there's a set understanding of what it means.


A "Bad boy" is a boy/man who does risky things and usually has high social game and social skills. He tends to be very handsome aka what guys call "chads" but depending on culture he doesn't have to have really good looks. He is usually able to use his social skills to get a girl/woman or status if he is popular but, he usually has no intent on settling down with one girl and tends to "play the field". They tend to have a bunch of "Toxic Masculine" traits that women don't like yet still be more than willing to pick him over a less interesting guy that has things that women say they want.

He tends to have an A-hole of a personality(or what is perceived by what society says is a good or bad personality), Offer no willingness to commit to any woman, engage in dangerous things, slept with many women, etc. Pretty much he has a bunch of "red-flags" that would make for a bad boyfriend and husband but is still considered the best catch for some reason or another. I can't explain it well because I personally don't bother with them I can only really go by what others say. These are the guys that women complain about on facebook and twitter then say that there are "no good men anymore!" or "where are all the good men at?" and "men ain't S@#t!".


I attempted to define a bad boy on my previous post. You defined "bad boy" way better than I could.

The thing is: A guy on the spectrum could do all the same things the bad boy does. But we wouldn't be seen as a catch. We'd simply come across as a poser creep.

From what I've seen, bad boys don't even look good (in most cases). They simply use their game/social skills to excel with the ladies.



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14 Sep 2022, 7:54 pm

Oh wow.

That's not how I understand "bad boy" at all.

What you're all describing is "abusive boy" or "criminal sociopath".

imo a bad boy is someone who doesn't tolerate the mainstream narrative.
He has his own mind, but it doesn't mean he hurts people.
He's countercultural in terms of not being a wimp.

Most "bad boys" I've known are radicals or free thinkers.
Maybe they play guitar or smoke, or swear.
They don't put up with anyone's BS, nor should they.

They are among the nicest people I know.

My current bad boy crushes are named Nick Rinn and Doug Bishop.
They do what's right to expose corruption in a police force, and to help victims of crime.



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14 Sep 2022, 8:05 pm

I’m wondering if there’s differences in meaning depending on one’s location and culture.

Where I’m from, “bad boy” implies delinquent or semi-delinquent behavior.


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KitLily
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15 Sep 2022, 5:33 am

I'd agree with the people saying a bad boy is good looking, rebellious, generally breaks the rules, is very popular, charming, promises more than he offers, not the settling down type etc. The ones that girls think 'if only I could just tame him, he'd treat me right'. 'I'd be the one to bring out his good side.' Basically, a fantasy.

That 'treat em mean, keep em keen' attitude.

I've never understood why people like that type of person!


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15 Sep 2022, 10:11 am

KitLily wrote:
I'd agree with the people saying a bad boy is good looking, rebellious, generally breaks the rules, is very popular, charming, promises more than he offers, not the settling down type etc.


Yeah, that's the stereotype I had in mind, too. I'd add that often they don't really care about school either and get bad grades, but they act cool about it... or something? And while a bad boy is stereo typically not allowed to be good at math, language etc. they are allowed to be good at sports, music or art.



KitLily
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15 Sep 2022, 11:09 am

Fireblossom wrote:
And while a bad boy is stereo typically not allowed to be good at math, language etc. they are allowed to be good at sports, music or art.


Yes. I suppose a bad boy could be what Americans call 'a jock.' I don't know what the English equivalent of a jock is...


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15 Sep 2022, 3:22 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
How do you know if a woman isn't interested?

- She'll leave you on read.

- She'll take 24+ hours to get back to you.

- She'll always be too busy to go out with you, but you browse her Facebook and Instagram and she's with her girlfriends at the club.


I'm talking from personal experience.



This is good advice. I will also add, she never calls you. She never answers her phone. She doesn't call you back after you leave a message. You just gotta know when to stop calling or texting.


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15 Sep 2022, 3:58 pm

Somebody like David Beckham would be a “jock.” It’s a guy who is into sports, and usually not into anything else.

They are usually as*holes—but not always.



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15 Sep 2022, 4:26 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
How do you know if a woman isn't interested?

- She'll leave you on read.

- She'll take 24+ hours to get back to you.

- She'll always be too busy to go out with you, but you browse her Facebook and Instagram and she's with her girlfriends at the club.


I'm talking from personal experience.



This is good advice. I will also add, she never calls you. She never answers her phone. She doesn't call you back after you leave a message. You just gotta know when to stop calling or texting.


I know you weren't replying to me. But on a previous post, I mentioned I've frequently had gals go cold on me after initially saying they were into me.

How strange. My best guess is that I must be doing something to make them change their mind. But they could at least tell me they're no longer into me.

When you initially tell a guy you're into him, but then don't tell him when you lose interest, don't complain when he thinks you're still interested.