Why do I want to see blood?

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Sorry to come here to rant a lot.

Okay, I was feeling really upset at my mom yesterday because my iPod was missing and she was looking in every place that I looked as if I was an idiot and couldn't figure out what an iPod looked like (She was the one who thought an eraser was my ipod...), and when I told her that, she got upset and decided to 'stop searching'.

Later, I have no clue what I said anymore, but she yelled at me to shut up. A couple sentences later, I say the same thing back. Later, she yells at me and I yell back. So she tells me to go to bed and when I tell her that I was only speaking to her like she spoke to me, she told me I "Wasn't Helping".

I went into my room, and I couldn't help it, I wanted to see blood. I wanted to see blood dripping all over the place. Don't worry, I didn't go emo. But I did scratch at a cut a bit with my fingernails.

Then, having located my iPod, I turned on some dark music and cried.

This morning I drew this: Warning! Do not click if you hate blood! < - Link

Yeah. I think I need some help. I don't want to hurt myself, but that bloodthirst... That terrified me. I just wanted to see it. As if I would feel better then.

Blood fascinates me, mostly my own but it does extend to others as well. I don't think I'd call myself bloodthirsty, I'm more of an opportunist, when I have a cut or a scrape I cant help but pick and pull at it to watch it bleed. I like the taste, I like the color, I like the way it pools and drips. The last time I got pierced I bled like a stuck pig, my piercer was having a freak out while I stood there calmly watching it drip to the floor.

My point is that there is nothing wrong with liking blood, as long as you are smart about it. Obviously you know that just randomly hacking at yourself to make it flow is a bad idea. There is a whole wide world of people out there telling us that if we like pain, or blood, there must be something wrong with us, but they really are running on nothing but judgement and ignorance, unless they are a masochist (I use this term loosely because everyones personal definition is a little different) they cant possibly have any idea what it does for someone who is.

Pain can be cathartic, and so can blood. Both remind me I am alive, and strong.

As long as you are able to moderate yourself, there is nothing wrong with liking blood.

Well you did find your iPod, and where was it? And who left it there?

Blood letting to get rid of bad feelings was main stream medicine a few years back, the main treatment for anything, bleeding. It was also religion, Blood Offering, the Mayans were big on it, but most practiced it one way or another, one cult even drank it.

It is in the language as Bad Blood, and letting it out was the cure. So you are not the first to feel the magic of liquid life, or to want to expel bad feelings by blood letting.

It is also an Aspie trait to pick at scabs, till they bleed. For no reason, sicko Aspies.

So a missing iPod, a bit of stress, taking it out on your mother, displacing it, and sent to your room, Oh, there's my iPod, and feeling bad about your behavior, scratching at a scab till it bled, and feeling release, then doing a fine drawing. I looked at your other art on the web, I would say this is one of your better works.

This is Microsoft Paint? I like the composition, offcenter, limited color brings out the red. The theme, expeling a part of unwanted life, is universal. The Roman Church has been making a living on blood pictures for a whle, All of the Saints are shown being tortured, and they thought up some good ones.

Catherine of Senanna was put in a barrel, nailes were driven in, and she was rolled down the hill and back up, being given the chance to renounce her faith, but she said, let's do it again. after a few thousand shallow punctures and a day from dawn to dusk her last words were, do it again. Ah, the good old days.

So I am not in horror, you did find your iPod, either under your dirty clothes, or on your unmade up bed, but you took it out on your mother, and felt bad.

I think you annoy your mother, and she was helping you look. I also think she feeds you, washes your clothes, and tries to keep you in working order. So you felt bad about that. Directing anger at yourself is no better, and in a while, directing anger at the world will not help.

So clean your room, make your bed, put your dirty clothes where they belong, no not on the floor, or the closet, or under the bed, the hamper next to the magic machine onlyy your mother can run. Put your world in order. The way you behave is the root of it all. Old enough to post on the Internet, old enough to start taking charge of your own life, becoming a big kid, and you should apoligise to your mother.

It is getting close to Christmas, It does help if the kids at least try to seem worthwhile. Everybody has stress, it is all very expensive, traffic is horrible, shopping endless, and that music! I want to kill that Drummer Boy!

Clean up your act! Tell your mother you love her, and try to not lose your iPod, or head, till this terrible season is over.

I do like your art, and think you should develop your story.

I'm also fascinated by blood, but I don't make myself bleed on purpose because I don't like pain.
It's nothing wrong with liking blood as long as you are not hurting your self, like cutting you're arm up just to watch it bleed. Picking on cut's is perfectly normal.

I drew a pic a few weeks ago, wich some think is abit gore but I quite like it and some said it was funny http://danielhovdahl.deviantart.com/art ... y-71173423 <--- Not for the ones scared of clowns!

It's just a little cut...it hardly qualifies as bloodlust. I wouldn't worry, we all get frustrated sometimes.

"In Soviet Russia, blood thirsts for YOU!"

Thanks, everyone.

The iPod was behind the alarm clock. I put it there, and it was a stupid move because I didn't remember that I did so. So the whole thing was my fault, which does make me feel terrible.

And the drawing was done on an Oekaki. ShiPainter Pro. Not Paint.

I still don't feel comfortable wanting my cut to bleed again. It's not like I was all, "Oh darn, a cut, pick pick pick", no, it was more "I hate life I'm a terrible person, oh look a cut. BLEED DARN YOU."

A few days ago, I took a knife from my collection and experimentally drew it across my wrist five times, before lifting my shirt and cutting three gashes across my chest. The wrist cutting was a partial suicide attempt, the chest cutting an exercise in self-harming. I was quite surprised at how fast the blood beaded up on my wrist; it almost frightened me.

The odd thing is, I have felt a lot better since I did it; although I would be at a loss to explain why.

Okay, I'm not sure we're thinking of the same "emo". Let me make a list:

• angry at your mom
• visualizing blood
• picking at a cut in order to draw said blood (just short of cutting itself)
• listening to dark music
• drawing (no offense) sh***y dark "art" featuring blood, at night, with the full moon
• an obvious cry for help

Now, how does this emo thing work again?

I was thinking of the "slitting myself" emo. Because I was thinking of taking out my swiss army knife, 'kay?

I think you perhaps took the whole thing a little far. I mean, I really don't see what's so traumatic about losing an iPod and having a little tiff with your mom. Yeah, it's frustrating, but come on.

Did you apologize to your mom? (i used to get in fights like that with my mom all the time, where she'd try to help me, and I'd be too tense and bent out of shape to even realize it)

He's referencing the stereotype of Emos being overly emotional. Which is so far off the mark it's sad because when you think about it Emo started with Punk bands life Fugazi, or Rites of Spring, not overly emotional at all. That more or less died out some time during the 80s though so what is being Stereotyped is actually the fans of artists who became associated with remanants of Emo that became popular. He wasn't really having anything to do with Emo at all, just feeling bad about experiencing emotions more than is typically acceptable.

Yeah, I took it too far, and I know that. But there are a few things that have been going on in my life other than this. Everything's going downhill at once and I don't know what to do anymore. This is just one of the most recent. My grades aren't all "As" like they were last semester because of the depression that's going along with this.

I just need help with the volcano of mess-ups that my life is right now.

If anyone saw my non-descriptive rant... yeah. That's something that messed up, but since I was so non-descriptive, I'll explain that as well as a few other problems.

A bunch of people that are important to me are going away.

And my Grandma is quite sick.

And I've been having a lot of mood swings and depression.

I had to stay with Mom's boyfriend while she was away and I hate the guy.

The people in my gym class are jerks. Sometimes they make me feel like what comes out of my dog.

And a whole bunch of other things.

So, yeah. This is happy sugar fairy world compared to my other problems. But this just pushed me over the edge. So, now that you know what's actually going on in my life... I guess you understand why I feel this way better.

When I develop my characters in the back of my mind, most of the characters I develop reflect the mood I'm in at that moment,
The Character "Source" is one I developed while in an angry depression,He came out being the manifestition of me inner rage and hate, the sadder and angrier I was the more horrible and unspeakable the acts he would perform,
I know how it is to feel like that, and it is good that you have a way to vent your feelings in the way you can,

Keep drawing when you are sad, and don't feel bad about what you draw, if that is the way you vent, then you certainly must continue finding that thing that makes you feel better.

I have done far worse things when my dad got really mad. You only thought about cutting yourself, I passed out from blood loss one time. I know what its like and it happens all the time. I draw similar art on paper. I would upload it if i had a a scanner *sigh*

Wow. my mom bought a scanner as an early christmas present for the family. I asked for one for christmas but didnt expect to actually get one. Ill have the art on by wendseday.