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magz
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30 Nov 2022, 4:35 am

Oh, sorry, that's the carcass my cat brought home yesterday!

Why do cats bring dead rodents to their humans?


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Radish
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30 Nov 2022, 4:40 am

They feel guilty about murdering the rodents so bring them to humans so they can take the rodent to the vets to resurrect them.

Why is it so foggy today?


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magz
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30 Nov 2022, 4:43 am

All the rats in the neighbourhood ate too much beans. The fog is their farts.

Why are there jackdaws in my chimney?


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Radish
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30 Nov 2022, 5:28 am

They are cleaning it. Haven't you noticed how black their feathers are?

What is the best way to have a million pounds in my bank account?


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naturalplastic
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30 Nov 2022, 5:45 am

Just deposit five hundred tons of fill dirt at your bank.

Why arent rocket powered skateboards commonly sold in stores?



Radish
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30 Nov 2022, 6:18 am

They are, but they shoot straight out the door.

Why aren't there any dinosaurs roaming the earth today?


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auntblabby
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30 Nov 2022, 6:21 am

they've all been abducted by ETs who put them in zoos on their home planets.

same q.



magz
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30 Nov 2022, 9:46 am

There are no dinosaurs flapping and chirping in the bushes! https://www.birdlife.org/news/2021/12/2 ... w-we-know/

How to learn History?


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auntblabby
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30 Nov 2022, 9:50 am

get ahold of a "MAD!" magazine, they were good for history.

how to learn how to play music on an accordion?



magz
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30 Nov 2022, 10:58 am

1. Enter public transport in rush hours with an accordion;
2. Trial and error;
(3. Profits.)

What other two things will result in "3. Profits"?


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auntblabby
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30 Nov 2022, 11:31 am

robbing banks and defrauding pensioners.

what is the nature of the non-luminiferous ether?



magz
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30 Nov 2022, 11:48 am

After you drink it, it gives you a horrible hangover.

What's the best paint remover?


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Radish
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30 Nov 2022, 12:38 pm

A flame thrower is both practical and a joy to use.

What is the quickest way to apply paint to a wall?


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IsabellaLinton
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30 Nov 2022, 12:51 pm

Apply through the NHS website.
(It should be really fast and efficient.)


Why did something good just happen for my family? I’m suspicious.



Radish
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30 Nov 2022, 12:54 pm

You are being tested by aliens. Depending on your response you will either be beamed aboard the mother ship and taken to planet X or your organs will be harvested and your remains left in your back yard.

Erm... Why is there a flying saucer coming towards me?


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IsabellaLinton
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30 Nov 2022, 12:56 pm

At this point I’d pay aliens to abduct me.

Sounds like your wife might be upset.
Did she throw the teacup too?