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MiloTheStrange
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14 Apr 2021, 12:14 pm

I’m 20 and my hair is so thin that I’m probably just gonna shave it all off soon. I’m also out of shape and 5’7”. I’m going to try very hard to get in shape, but the problem is, I worry that even then I’ll never have a chance of attracting anyone. I get that not everyone’s shallow (not that being shallow is necessarily bad, people have their preferences and that’s fine), and that some people might even like it, but I’m worried that I’ll never be able to attract anyone. I also have confidence issues and some issues organizing and staying focused. I’ve never had any romantic experiences with girls, and only a few girls have ever shown interest in me (I didn’t even realize any had until I became more socially aware). I do have a nice beard and a fairly symmetrical face, but otherwise I’d say I’m average at best in the looks department. All of that, combined with being an aspie, makes me very worried that I’m doomed to be alone forever. I do have a number of friends, and they don’t seem to agree that I’m doomed, but still, I worry. I might just need to go out more tho, since I’ve been almost always inside for the past year. My question is for the bald aspies mostly, but anyone can answer if they have something to say: how much harder does it make dating?



nick007
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17 Apr 2021, 11:59 pm

I started losing my head hair in my mid 20s. I'm doing various things to try & save it but it's better to start that effort sooner rather than latter. It's a lot easier to keep it than it is to grow it back. It can also be a pain to keep up with the effort. It may be a lot easier & cheaper to keep your head bald if you do decide to start shaving than it would be to maintain it or gain some back. I'm not gonna talk about the saving methods you can try here unless you or someone else is interested in knowing them. I don't mind talking about it but I don't wanna type about all that just for myself. I don't think my attractiveness level is the main reason I want to save my hair. I have a girlfriend who would find me attractive either way. I do know that women tend to find some bald guys very attractive. There's a bit of bald Hollywood actors who are generally considered attractive. How attractive a bald guy is can probably be somewhat dependent on how the guy looks otherwise. Bigger guys who have some mussel may generally be considered more attractive bald whereas a skinnier weaker looking guy may generally be considered more attractive with hair. I'm just speculating thou. A former work college of mine also started losing his hair in his mid 20s & he started shaving it & he 1ce said women found him more attractive bald. He's a very heavyset guy but you can tell there's a lot of mussel under his fat. He had long hair before he started losing it & he had the heavy metal rocker look.


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idntonkw
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18 Apr 2021, 1:56 am

MiloTheStrange wrote:
I’m 20 and my hair is so thin that I’m probably just gonna shave it all off soon. I’m also out of shape and 5’7”. I’m going to try very hard to get in shape, but the problem is, I worry that even then I’ll never have a chance of attracting anyone. I get that not everyone’s shallow (not that being shallow is necessarily bad, people have their preferences and that’s fine), and that some people might even like it, but I’m worried that I’ll never be able to attract anyone. I also have confidence issues and some issues organizing and staying focused. I’ve never had any romantic experiences with girls, and only a few girls have ever shown interest in me (I didn’t even realize any had until I became more socially aware). I do have a nice beard and a fairly symmetrical face, but otherwise I’d say I’m average at best in the looks department. All of that, combined with being an aspie, makes me very worried that I’m doomed to be alone forever. I do have a number of friends, and they don’t seem to agree that I’m doomed, but still, I worry. I might just need to go out more tho, since I’ve been almost always inside for the past year. My question is for the bald aspies mostly, but anyone can answer if they have something to say: how much harder does it make dating?


I had the same thoughts and was balding at 21. Fifteen years later, I am all the same and made no progress because of those thoughts.



OkaySometimes
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18 Apr 2021, 6:21 am

Well, I'm a 5'7" low-end-of-average-looking aspie with a belly who's been shaving his head since his early 20s. I wasn't balding, but my hair is baby-fine and a little thin, so it never looked good or cooperated with me in any way. I'm WAY happier without it. As to finding love, I was never a Casanova or anything, but I've had several relationships since my mid-teens. Currently, I'm happily married for almost 14 years with a 6-year-old daughter. You're only as "screwed" as you convince yourself you are.
If you're sure no one will ever love you, you will subconsciously sabotage any relationship. If you're sure "this is my ONLY CHANCE..." you'll probably do the same. Even feeling that way will alter your interactions in a way that most other people won't like. "Dating" wasn't kind or easy for me, probably because of some amount of feeling those things. I wanted to make a friend when I met my wife. That was the only thought either of us had going into it, then a month later she leaned over and kissed me. We knew we got along well, and finding each other attractive just pushed it over the edge.
Everyone has their own tastes in body style, hairstyle, etc. How many times have you heard someone say person x is attractive etc. and you don't agree, or are even confused by how someone could feel that way about that person? It's like that for everyone. Lots of people don't find me attractive. My wife does. There's definitely people out there that could work out the same for you.
At 20, you feel like you're screwed no matter what the situation. It gets better. Most of the things that keep you awake at night now will seem like unimportant trivia in 20 years. I'd say "ask me how I know" but it's probably obvious.
Just shave your head. You'll feel better.

Just so you know, it might feel or look weird to you at first. Just go with it. Get a hat first, the top of your head hasn't seen unfiltered sunlight for a while most likely. It really really REALLY hurts when the sunburn is bad enough to crack open, and it also leaves scars. Learning that the hard way sucked, lol...



MiloTheStrange
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18 Apr 2021, 10:12 pm

idntonkw wrote:
MiloTheStrange wrote:
I’m 20 and my hair is so thin that I’m probably just gonna shave it all off soon. I’m also out of shape and 5’7”. I’m going to try very hard to get in shape, but the problem is, I worry that even then I’ll never have a chance of attracting anyone. I get that not everyone’s shallow (not that being shallow is necessarily bad, people have their preferences and that’s fine), and that some people might even like it, but I’m worried that I’ll never be able to attract anyone. I also have confidence issues and some issues organizing and staying focused. I’ve never had any romantic experiences with girls, and only a few girls have ever shown interest in me (I didn’t even realize any had until I became more socially aware). I do have a nice beard and a fairly symmetrical face, but otherwise I’d say I’m average at best in the looks department. All of that, combined with being an aspie, makes me very worried that I’m doomed to be alone forever. I do have a number of friends, and they don’t seem to agree that I’m doomed, but still, I worry. I might just need to go out more tho, since I’ve been almost always inside for the past year. My question is for the bald aspies mostly, but anyone can answer if they have something to say: how much harder does it make dating?


I had the same thoughts and was balding at 21. Fifteen years later, I am all the same and made no progress because of those thoughts.


I suppose it’s time I work on my mindset. I hope you can too, good luck! :)



MiloTheStrange
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18 Apr 2021, 10:16 pm

OkaySometimes wrote:
Well, I'm a 5'7" low-end-of-average-looking aspie with a belly who's been shaving his head since his early 20s. I wasn't balding, but my hair is baby-fine and a little thin, so it never looked good or cooperated with me in any way. I'm WAY happier without it. As to finding love, I was never a Casanova or anything, but I've had several relationships since my mid-teens. Currently, I'm happily married for almost 14 years with a 6-year-old daughter. You're only as "screwed" as you convince yourself you are.
If you're sure no one will ever love you, you will subconsciously sabotage any relationship. If you're sure "this is my ONLY CHANCE..." you'll probably do the same. Even feeling that way will alter your interactions in a way that most other people won't like. "Dating" wasn't kind or easy for me, probably because of some amount of feeling those things. I wanted to make a friend when I met my wife. That was the only thought either of us had going into it, then a month later she leaned over and kissed me. We knew we got along well, and finding each other attractive just pushed it over the edge.
Everyone has their own tastes in body style, hairstyle, etc. How many times have you heard someone say person x is attractive etc. and you don't agree, or are even confused by how someone could feel that way about that person? It's like that for everyone. Lots of people don't find me attractive. My wife does. There's definitely people out there that could work out the same for you.
At 20, you feel like you're screwed no matter what the situation. It gets better. Most of the things that keep you awake at night now will seem like unimportant trivia in 20 years. I'd say "ask me how I know" but it's probably obvious.
Just shave your head. You'll feel better.

Just so you know, it might feel or look weird to you at first. Just go with it. Get a hat first, the top of your head hasn't seen unfiltered sunlight for a while most likely. It really really REALLY hurts when the sunburn is bad enough to crack open, and it also leaves scars. Learning that the hard way sucked, lol...


Thank you, I appreciate it, really. I agree that I really do need to work on my mindset. My mindset is my only real problem, to be honest. As for the hats, I definitely agree, I am always sure to wear a hat outside even with thin hair, in fact.

I suppose I will probably just shave it. I can’t help but feel a little sad about it, but at this point it probably looks better that way :(



Fireblossom
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19 Apr 2021, 3:15 am

I started visibly losing hair at 14, but I got medication for it and it stopped at reasonable point and started growing back eventually. Lessening stress might have had something to do with that, too. From what I've seen, most people tend to start balding from the sides and above the forehead, but for me it was from the top of the head. It runs in my father's side of the family, or at least I assume so since it's case with him and was the case with his father, too. Oh, and I'm a woman by the way.

When it comes to attracting people, I think that being bald is a disadvantage, more so for women than men, but it's not a deal breaker for most. If you can make yourself look decent otherwise then it probably won't cause much harm.



nick007
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19 Apr 2021, 9:57 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
I started visibly losing hair at 14, but I got medication for it and it stopped at reasonable point and started growing back eventually. Lessening stress might have had something to do with that, too. From what I've seen, most people tend to start balding from the sides and above the forehead, but for me it was from the top of the head. It runs in my father's side of the family, or at least I assume so since it's case with him and was the case with his father, too. Oh, and I'm a woman by the way.

When it comes to attracting people, I think that being bald is a disadvantage, more so for women than men, but it's not a deal breaker for most. If you can make yourself look decent otherwise then it probably won't cause much harm.
I'm wondering what medication helped with your hair loss if you know & don't mind sharing :?: I'm very likely already on it or it's for a different cause of hair loss than mine & won't be effective for me but I'm still curious. Your rite that hair loss can be genetic but the causes of hair loss for men & women tend to be at least slightly different. It seems odd that hair loss on the male side of the family would affect a woman or hair loss on the female side of the family affecting a man. I'm NOT saying that it does not happen, it just seems rarer. My girlfriend is the same age as me which is 38 & her hair has been gradually getting a little thinner. In her case it is probably due to a combination of stress, a hormone imbalance, & maybe med side-effects as well. She's not really concerned about it thou so that's good. I still find her attractive & don't really notice unless I look closely since I don't have the best vision.

I'm glad the hat idea was mentioned in this thread. I started wearing a cap when going out when I moved in with my girlfriend. Neither of us drives so we have to take buses or walk to a bit of places which means being outside more when going places which is more chance for direct sunlight to shine on my head for a stretch of time. In the winter I have to wear a winter hat when going out cuz Vermont(where I live now) tends to be a lot colder in winter than Louisiana(where I used to live) is. My head itches a bit when wearing caps or hats & I tend to itch where I'm losing my hair which is one of the major reasons I'm trying to save my hair. If I was bald my head would itch more when wearing a hat or cap. I had very BAD skin eczema as a kid on my legs & arms & I do NOT handle itching well. Scratching an itch is almost an unconscious habit for me & I NEVER liked having creams or lotions put on due to sensory issues. Trying to save my hair seems like a better idea to me than dealing with itching & creams & lotions on my head. Putting Rogaine on is actually much easier & much more tolerable for me than creams & lotions. If I had the money I would see about getting a hair transplant after the pandemic is over but I would have to get a job or a stimulus check every month to be able to afford that. BTW my hair loss is mostly above my forehead & middle of my head some.

I'm sure losing it at 14 can be pretty rough. I think your rite about being bald tending to be a disadvantage for women more than men. I'm sure there are tons of exceptions thou.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"

~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"

~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


SabbraCadabra
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19 Apr 2021, 11:17 pm

I know he's not an Aspie, but balding at 19 worked out pretty well for Sir Patrick Stewart:


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Fireblossom
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20 Apr 2021, 9:01 am

nick007 wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I started visibly losing hair at 14, but I got medication for it and it stopped at reasonable point and started growing back eventually. Lessening stress might have had something to do with that, too. From what I've seen, most people tend to start balding from the sides and above the forehead, but for me it was from the top of the head. It runs in my father's side of the family, or at least I assume so since it's case with him and was the case with his father, too. Oh, and I'm a woman by the way.

When it comes to attracting people, I think that being bald is a disadvantage, more so for women than men, but it's not a deal breaker for most. If you can make yourself look decent otherwise then it probably won't cause much harm.

I'm wondering what medication helped with your hair loss if you know & don't mind sharing :?: I'm very likely already on it or it's for a different cause of hair loss than mine & won't be effective for me but I'm still curious. Your rite that hair loss can be genetic but the causes of hair loss for men & women tend to be at least slightly different. It seems odd that hair loss on the male side of the family would affect a woman or hair loss on the female side of the family affecting a man. I'm NOT saying that it does not happen, it just seems rarer. My girlfriend is the same age as me which is 38 & her hair has been gradually getting a little thinner. In her case it is probably due to a combination of stress, a hormone imbalance, & maybe med side-effects as well. She's not really concerned about it thou so that's good. I still find her attractive & don't really notice unless I look closely since I don't have the best vision.

I'm glad the hat idea was mentioned in this thread. I started wearing a cap when going out when I moved in with my girlfriend. Neither of us drives so we have to take buses or walk to a bit of places which means being outside more when going places which is more chance for direct sunlight to shine on my head for a stretch of time. In the winter I have to wear a winter hat when going out cuz Vermont(where I live now) tends to be a lot colder in winter than Louisiana(where I used to live) is. My head itches a bit when wearing caps or hats & I tend to itch where I'm losing my hair which is one of the major reasons I'm trying to save my hair. If I was bald my head would itch more when wearing a hat or cap. I had very BAD skin eczema as a kid on my legs & arms & I do NOT handle itching well. Scratching an itch is almost an unconscious habit for me & I NEVER liked having creams or lotions put on due to sensory issues. Trying to save my hair seems like a better idea to me than dealing with itching & creams & lotions on my head. Putting Rogaine on is actually much easier & much more tolerable for me than creams & lotions. If I had the money I would see about getting a hair transplant after the pandemic is over but I would have to get a job or a stimulus check every month to be able to afford that. BTW my hair loss is mostly above my forehead & middle of my head some.

I'm sure losing it at 14 can be pretty rough. I think your rite about being bald tending to be a disadvantage for women more than men. I'm sure there are tons of exceptions thou.


You actually mentioned it here yourself; I use Rogaine, too. The first two weeks when I started using it I also put in some lotion -like medicine, but since it's been over ten years I've forgotten what it was called.