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Brainiac42
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18 Jun 2022, 3:56 pm

I am starting to feel imposter syndrome about actually having autism because I wasn’t diagnosed at a young age. Can anyone else relate?



temp1234
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18 Jun 2022, 4:13 pm

Do you mean that because you were diagnosed later in your life than others, you may actually not be autistic and you feel you are faking being autistic and deceiving others?

I didn't know this term "imposter syndrome" and just googled it. Some sources say it's about doubting your abilities and feeling you are deceiving others because you feel you are giving others a false impression of competence. Is that what you are talking about?



Brainiac42
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18 Jun 2022, 4:29 pm

temp1234 wrote:
Do you mean that because you were diagnosed later in your life than others, you may actually not be autistic and you feel you are faking being autistic and deceiving others?


Yes this is what I mean. I’ve masked all of my life and it started to take a massive toll on me to the point I was burnt out all of the time. I stopped masking and now my negative traits are being shown to loved ones.. and this is how I’ve always felt but my brain tells me at times maybe I’m faking, I don’t actually have autism. I wasn’t diagnosed at a young age, symptoms weren’t seen as a baby.



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19 Jun 2022, 12:06 am

I feel this drives a lot of my anxiety
Not as much relating to my autism anymore but
In social situations trying to seem normally socializing

My best friend gets my issues without judgement
I love her so much for that



naturalplastic
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19 Jun 2022, 1:15 am

Brainiac42 wrote:
temp1234 wrote:
Do you mean that because you were diagnosed later in your life than others, you may actually not be autistic and you feel you are faking being autistic and deceiving others?


Yes this is what I mean. I’ve masked all of my life and it started to take a massive toll on me to the point I was burnt out all of the time. I stopped masking and now my negative traits are being shown to loved ones.. and this is how I’ve always felt but my brain tells me at times maybe I’m faking, I don’t actually have autism. I wasn’t diagnosed at a young age, symptoms weren’t seen as a baby.


But...if you have to work so hard to "mask" doesnt that prove that you are in fact...autistic?



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19 Jun 2022, 2:21 am

There are too many ignorant people saying "Autism is a fake disease", "Autism is overdiagnosed", and most Autistics are attention seekers/drama queens. When you hear that constantly from friends and family and read it online the tendency is to believe it. I have been here since 2013 I have seen too many people describing multiple obvious autistic traits thinking they are faking themselves and the world(imposter syndrome). This includes many like the OP who have spent time, money, and effort to receive a diagnosis.

Obviously, I can not know for sure the causation of the OP's imposter syndrome but I would advise her to bring her doubts to the attention of the clinician who diagnosed her.


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20 Jun 2022, 7:18 am

It's not uncommon for us autistics get be diagnosed after we're adults, women may be more likely to be. Autism can affect men & women differently & women are more likely to be missed. Some areas don't have much autism awareness. Plus some parents don't try to get their kids diagnosed for various reasons. Even the so-called experts can have a very stereotyped view about autism.


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20 Jun 2022, 3:09 pm

I think if people here spent a day IRL with me they'd soon see how much of an imposter I am. I'm about as clueless as can be when it comes to constructional/manual/practical matters. The kinds of things the average person does with ease.


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20 Jun 2022, 4:04 pm

I'm not saying you, but because the autism spectrum is becoming wider by the year, it seems that anybody can look at one or two personality traits of themselves and put it down to an ASD, get a diagnosis by exaggerating on the assessment, and then if anyone argues they just say "everyone with ASD are different".

So if everyone with ASD are that different and that some can be on the spectrum without even realising or can appear neurotypical by masking, then for all you know everyone on this planet could be on the spectrum. In fact I'm starting to believe this. I do wish autism just meant what autism was originally supposed to mean (self, non-communicative, socially clueless, mentally disabled) and that there was a separate name for the rest of us with none of those symptoms.

I mean often I feel that all of my problems are a mixture of social and general anxiety, ADHD and OCD. The only autism thing I can relate the most to is sensory issues with loud noises and pain.


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20 Jun 2022, 9:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I'm not saying you, but because the autism spectrum is becoming wider by the year, it seems that anybody can look at one or two personality traits of themselves and put it down to an ASD, get a diagnosis by exaggerating on the assessment, and then if anyone argues they just say "everyone with ASD are different".

So if everyone with ASD are that different and that some can be on the spectrum without even realising or can appear neurotypical by masking, then for all you know everyone on this planet could be on the spectrum. In fact I'm starting to believe this. I do wish autism just meant what autism was originally supposed to mean (self, non-communicative, socially clueless, mentally disabled) and that there was a separate name for the rest of us with none of those symptoms.

I mean often I feel that all of my problems are a mixture of social and general anxiety, ADHD and OCD. The only autism thing I can relate the most to is sensory issues with loud noises and pain.



I’ve recently found out that I haven’t even been masking that well.. my now fiancée said she knew when we first started dating. Today she listed off a long list of things she has to do differently just to date me.. I didn’t realize how different I truly was and difficult, and thought I was masking so well and was appearing normal... but now it makes so much sense as to why I didn’t have many friends in high school. Why people hung out without me. Why I sat alone. I never appeared normal. My fiancée said today she is constantly thinking of how to keep me comfortable in public places. Thinking about my food, noises, if I’m going to communicate.

I didn’t even realize I wasn’t appearing as neurotypical as I thought. So my imposter syndrome shouldn’t exist..



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21 Jun 2022, 4:53 am

Brainiac42 wrote:
I’ve recently found out that I haven’t even been masking that well.. my now fiancée said she knew when we first started dating. Today she listed off a long list of things she has to do differently just to date me.. I didn’t realize how different I truly was and difficult, and thought I was masking so well and was appearing normal... but now it makes so much sense as to why I didn’t have many friends in high school. Why people hung out without me. Why I sat alone. I never appeared normal. My fiancée said today she is constantly thinking of how to keep me comfortable in public places. Thinking about my food, noises, if I’m going to communicate.

I didn’t even realize I wasn’t appearing as neurotypical as I thought. So my imposter syndrome shouldn’t exist..
I really hope I'm wrong but reading this gave me the impression that your fiancee is complaining about how your not more normal, especially considering your post in L&D titled "Conversation Difficulties". If I'm right this could lead to major resentment from her. If my girlfriend were to give me a list about how she has to do things differently just for me, I would be asking her why she's with me(or in your case planning to marry you) considering that I'm so difficult for her & I would list the issues I have trying to accommodate her. That could cause a major fight & potentially breaking up; or in the case of me & my gf we might have a major fight but it would lead to the two of us having a better understanding & we'd work together more to find ways where we can both compromise with things instead of either one or both of us feeling the relationship is one-sided. I would highly recommend that the two of you try to deal with these issues a bit better before getting married. If your not living together, it may be a good idea to so you can both better gauge if you two can handle daily living OK together. It's not uncommon on this forum for recently married NT women in relationships with Aspie men to make very frustrated posts in L&D about having major problems with their relationship & they're at their wits end. I read those threads & think they really shoulda known about those major issues if they woulda tried living together for a bit before getting married. It's like they got married expecting their partner to be different than how they really are but 1ce they started living together the Aspie's mask went down more &/or it became more stressful for the Aspie to adjust to living with a new person in a new environment.


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21 Jun 2022, 6:47 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm not saying you, but because the autism spectrum is becoming wider by the year, it seems that anybody can look at one or two personality traits of themselves and put it down to an ASD, get a diagnosis by exaggerating on the assessment, and then if anyone argues they just say "everyone with ASD are different".

So if everyone with ASD are that different and that some can be on the spectrum without even realising or can appear neurotypical by masking, then for all you know everyone on this planet could be on the spectrum. In fact I'm starting to believe this. I do wish autism just meant what autism was originally supposed to mean (self, non-communicative, socially clueless, mentally disabled) and that there was a separate name for the rest of us with none of those symptoms.

I mean often I feel that all of my problems are a mixture of social and general anxiety, ADHD and OCD. The only autism thing I can relate the most to is sensory issues with loud noises and pain.


its a social learning disorder that tells people that in a world where when have to conform to social norms they are wrong.

think about your boyfriend...the biggest concern is his liver but we live in a world that is more about ego.

wake up sweetheart you are smarter than 5ou think



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23 Jun 2022, 5:38 am

nick007 wrote:
Brainiac42 wrote:
I’ve recently found out that I haven’t even been masking that well.. my now fiancée said she knew when we first started dating. Today she listed off a long list of things she has to do differently just to date me.. I didn’t realize how different I truly was and difficult, and thought I was masking so well and was appearing normal... but now it makes so much sense as to why I didn’t have many friends in high school. Why people hung out without me. Why I sat alone. I never appeared normal. My fiancée said today she is constantly thinking of how to keep me comfortable in public places. Thinking about my food, noises, if I’m going to communicate.

I didn’t even realize I wasn’t appearing as neurotypical as I thought. So my imposter syndrome shouldn’t exist..
I really hope I'm wrong but reading this gave me the impression that your fiancee is complaining about how your not more normal, especially considering your post in L&D titled "Conversation Difficulties". If I'm right this could lead to major resentment from her. If my girlfriend were to give me a list about how she has to do things differently just for me, I would be asking her why she's with me(or in your case planning to marry you) considering that I'm so difficult for her & I would list the issues I have trying to accommodate her. That could cause a major fight & potentially breaking up; or in the case of me & my gf we might have a major fight but it would lead to the two of us having a better understanding & we'd work together more to find ways where we can both compromise with things instead of either one or both of us feeling the relationship is one-sided. I would highly recommend that the two of you try to deal with these issues a bit better before getting married. If your not living together, it may be a good idea to so you can both better gauge if you two can handle daily living OK together. It's not uncommon on this forum for recently married NT women in relationships with Aspie men to make very frustrated posts in L&D about having major problems with their relationship & they're at their wits end. I read those threads & think they really shoulda known about those major issues if they woulda tried living together for a bit before getting married. It's like they got married expecting their partner to be different than how they really are but 1ce they started living together the Aspie's mask went down more &/or it became more stressful for the Aspie to adjust to living with a new person in a new environment.


Hello Nick. Thanks for your input. I had mixed emotions about her reaction. It made me feel like an alien, and a burden.. but it also made me feel loved. She said she gets me, and she learns all of these things about me because she cares. On one hand that’s very sweet and I feel cared for. On the other, I feel like a hassle, because it was during an argument where I didn’t understand her body language and she said that list.. then said, “Just one time I wanted to not have to think about how I do things for you.” I don’t know how to take that..

We do live together.



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28 Jun 2022, 12:44 pm

I only just recently realized how many people think people with Asperger's are nothing but self-entitled spoiled brats. Including some people with "classic" autism, because they think aspies take the attention away from it. It's like we're not NT enough and not autistic enough. And of course, if you're an aspie who is over 18 and female, you may as well be invisible. Sad.