i made a girl cry on the bus today

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Nades
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20 Feb 2023, 2:58 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Nades wrote:
A lot of kids genuinely are.


A lot of people love to reach when defending bullies.


Reach?



Caz72
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20 Feb 2023, 4:47 pm

im not a bully


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funeralxempire
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20 Feb 2023, 7:42 pm

Caz72 wrote:
im not a bully


Of course not.
But how many people who engage in bullying will admit to being a bully?

You're not a bully, just like everyone else who brags about bullying but then denies being a bully.


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Caz72
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20 Feb 2023, 9:09 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Caz72 wrote:
im not a bully


Of course not.
But how many people who engage in bullying will admit to being a bully?

You're not a bully, just like everyone else who brags about bullying but then denies being a bully.


your implying that im a bully


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funeralxempire
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20 Feb 2023, 9:18 pm

Caz72 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Caz72 wrote:
im not a bully


Of course not.
But how many people who engage in bullying will admit to being a bully?

You're not a bully, just like everyone else who brags about bullying but then denies being a bully.


your implying that im a bully


I'm telling you that it sure sounds like you were one to that girl, unless it was genuinely as gentle of tone as you state.
I don't know whether these are regular occurrences in your life or not, but you do.

I do know sometimes folks like us (as in, who have ASD) are less aware of our tone than average, but that doesn't change things for the person on the receiving end. There's a degree of benefit of doubt for intent, but that doesn't impact the person on the receiving end.

It's mostly the appearance of being proud of it and seeking positive reinforcement that makes it look bad (in my eyes). If I made someone cry I don't think I'd come on here to humblebrag about it even if I felt it might be justified because it's not something to feel proud about, even if it's an incredibly rare occurrence.

Hurting people, even if they're overly sensitive, isn't something to be rewarded or to be proud of.


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Caz72
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20 Feb 2023, 9:32 pm

im not bragging about it

its more like a passive rant

i dont feel pleased i upset her but i dont feel guilty either..well maybe i did a little after but not now

im not the sort to beat myself up over things


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20 Feb 2023, 10:18 pm

Maybe you coulda handled it better.

Maybe I should ...a tiny bit ...take back what I said.

But still...youre not as bad as that lady bus driver I had to do deal with that time. Nowhere near.

Making some people cry is...not hard.

I made a lady supervisor in my job cry tears once...just by asking one simple question.

We are not lifeguards, but to explain the story: imagine youre a lifeguard at a swimming pool. Imagine they hired a new lifeguard, and imagine the new lifeguard person was shocked and surprised to find out that...water is WET!

Now imagine that its NOT her first day on the job. Imagine that this person has been on the job for fifteen years, and after fifteen years this now veteran employee is STILL surprised that water is wet!

Imagine that you are trying to coach this person about it. Thats the equivalent to the conversation I had with this person in the context of our job situation.

I simply said one sentence(in a stern but flat tone)...I asked the equivalent of "why do you expect water to stop being wet?".

That was enough to cause this lady supervisor to break down into tears in front of me. Her eyes welled up. She stooped to the floor. And just began repeating some phrase over and over again.

I think that her 'schtick' of hating water (so to speak) was a winning strategy with some fellow employees. I had accidently taken away her winning strategy. But who knows?

You never know what might trigger someone. In all fairness this lady did have certain personal stresses in her life.

Your girl passenger might have had as well. And you might have just been a straw - that might not have broken her back - at some other moment in her life.



Last edited by naturalplastic on 21 Feb 2023, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Feb 2023, 10:29 pm

^ Exactly. The OP was not to know what's going on in a stranger's life. She probably didn't really think, just got caught in the moment and felt she had the right to be authoritative. She pointed out already somewhere in this thread that she always tells passengers off for throwing bottles on to the floor on the bus. This girl may have been the first to react badly to it. Maybe the OP was having a bad day too.

I've had a bus driver make me cry before. Several times. Did they feel guilty? Probably not. Was I advised by friends, family and WP members not to take it personally and to just ignore it? Yes. Even though it felt personal, it wasn't. It was just my fragile state of mind. I'm very easily triggered too. But I still empathise with the OP and I don't like all these accusations of her being a bully. Maybe she's just one of those authoritative bus drivers. I have met several. Just lay off the OP a little.


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21 Feb 2023, 1:47 am

I'm s bully. I have a problem with it and I'm getting help.

I've not seen any evidence of Caz being one.


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21 Feb 2023, 6:36 am

babybird wrote:
I'm s bully. I have a problem with it and I'm getting help.

I've not seen any evidence of Caz being one.


Are you a bully? :?


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21 Feb 2023, 9:44 am

Good move. She won’t make that mistake again.

Too many people are too soft these days because they’re not used to being tactfully/respectfully called out on their BS, or called out at all. Tough titties if it made her cry. She won’t be such a jerk as to litter an empty bottle on a bus again.

Also, do they not have bottle deposits or recycling where you live? We do either ourselves Or leave bottles beside garbage cans for can pickers to colllect for the 10 cent deposit. Many garbage cans in Vancouver have little racks on the outside to set bottles on so can collectors don’t have to dive in looking for them.


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Caz72
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21 Feb 2023, 2:16 pm

i had the girl on my bus again today
she smiled said hello and i said hello back

i think reoccurring passengers get used to me and see that im a no nonsense person


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21 Feb 2023, 2:23 pm

That's good


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21 Feb 2023, 2:37 pm

You said what you had to say one way or another.
Wording it more diplomatically might result in her not taking the lesson to heart.
Unfortunately children and even adults sometimes interpret things differently than what they are meant to mean.
For a person who has to interact with children you did your best at the given time.

Maybe if you did word if differently she would have been less embarrassed. But how does one know???
I would actually give you extra points for being thoughtful and telling her about the bin as well.
Many people could have just yelled at her.

Sometimes kids don't take criticism well, and that is part of mature life.
Then again no one likes harsh criticism.
But how else would anyone correct for this????
I think I would have done something similar.



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21 Feb 2023, 4:28 pm

i am quite stoic most of the time so i dont appear emotional even though people say im always whinging and whining like a toddler if i am out with more than 1 person

i did speak to the girl gently that day though
i didnt shout or scowl

i just said it how it was

but it seems shes over it now.i dont know whats going on in her head no more than she knows im autistic


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22 Feb 2023, 2:54 am

Lots of bus passengers have various issues they're dealing with. There's a reason why people take public transportation instead of driving & there's a reason why public transport has a bad rep. It can be very difficult or even impossible to be accomedating & considerate to every single passenger at exactly the same time. A loud bottle rolling around can be very distracting & hard to listen to for the driver & other passengers. Some passengers may be autistic & can not handle that kind of noise. It would be incondiderate of said passengers for the driver to let passengers make as much noise as they want because the driver did not want to risk upsetting anybody's feelings by asking passengers to pick up rolling bottles or telling passengers to quiet down when they're talking loud. Lines have to be drawn somewhere.


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