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Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 15 Oct 2021
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Location: Australia

28 Oct 2021, 5:55 am

StickBugette wrote:
I think my ability to have babies and feed them is a kind of superpower! Granted, all female mammals have this superpower -- it's not an exclusive superpower.

That being said, in my experience parenting is MUCH harder than pregnancy. And I didn't have easy pregnancies. Parenting is so difficult. Kids always need something. I didn't know how many "sensory breaks" I took every day until I couldn't do them anymore. And having two kids talk to you for hours simultaneously is sensory overload. I love my kids so much, but I'm not wired to handle this!

It would be easier to take if society said, "wow, she's really trying her best being a mom given her autism" but nobody cares about me or my autism. My ex certainly doesn't care. I'm supposed to mask (hide my autism), shut up, and somehow convince these two other sentient beings to behave appropriately and do academic work. And if they don't, it's because I suck as a mom.



Well a lot of people don’t even understand what autism is so unfortunately you probably won’t get much of that from society.you don’t have to shut up- is there a law against speaking? Whoever told you that can just buzz off. Eh I think that as long as actually see your children and not avoid them then you’re probably already a good parent.



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 5:59 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Ladies, pregnancy is always a risk. Always. Even if you're perfectly healthy, have had a problem free pregnancy so far and have access to good medical care for the delivery, something can still go wrong. Of course, the risks are significantly lower for those who are healthy than those who are not, but they are there.

I think that men who are in relationships with women and want children have a huge advantage over the said women when it comes to having children since, thanks to biology, the woman has to do all the work when it comes to making the child and the man couldn't do a thing even if he would want to. On the other hand, single women have an advantage over single men if they want children, for men can only adopt, but women also have, in theory at the very least, the option of assisted reproduction on their own since it's their bodies that will do the work. Men can't do it 'cause, well, they're men. It's biology. This is why I'm glad to be woman since I'm seriously considering this option in case I don't find anyone by the time I'm thirty.



Single men can still be fathers lol surrogacy.. adoption. I just don’t know many men who would do it alone. Kinda weird. But eh maybe they get some type of maternal thing? Sometimes some women don’t get maternal and get post partem psychosis and try to kill the baby.



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 15 Oct 2021
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28 Oct 2021, 6:03 am

Joe90 wrote:
So many women I know have had long-term changes to the body because of being pregnant. My mum was lucky, as she had no birth complications during both her pregnancies, although she did feel very sick when she was pregnant with me. She had an easier labour when giving birth to me than she did my brother, and when she was giving birth to him she kept puking.

The reason I'm on the contraceptive pill is because I couldn't handle the cramps I had with my periods every month. It was severe, to the point where I was laid up in bed, trying my hardest not to spew up from the pain. I became immune to pain-killers because I was taking them for like 7 days each month (my periods were usually long, like 9-10 days, and the pains were actually worse towards the end of the period). My periods weren't as heavy as other girls' though.
And I heard labour pains is like one big mega period pain, also I heard your pelvis breaks or something when giving birth, or can break, I don't know.

I do know that giving birth is extremely painful, and I have low pain tolerance. PAP tests are a nightmare for me. It's like even if they use jelly or something to insert the thing, it still feels like my vagina immediately dries all up and closes.
Just imagine if someone shoved their fist into your mouth and down your throat, how painful it would be - that's how a PAP (smear) test feels for me. It feels like my bladder is being pierced open by rusty blades, and spreading my legs apart during a PAP test is just terrifying.

Please, when I first had sex it was so PAINFUL that I don't think I want anything to be inserted up there again (my boyfriend has a low sex drive so isn't bothered about vaginal sex), but with my first boyfriend the sex was mega excruciating.
This next bit is TMI and you don't need to read if you don't want to, but I really need to tell people here how it felt.
He did NOT rape me, but I got him to "stretch it out" by inserting his finger up there first, and he did it slowly but it was painful enough. Then I laid there crying in pain with my face in the pillow, and it was really burning up there while his finger still was, and when he slowly pulled it out that was when it was REALLY painful, the worst pain I had ever felt (worse than the pain I had when I sprained my ankle once). Then my vagina was bleeding, which was a shock to see in the toilet and in my underwear, as I wasn't menstruating. So you can see why I am scared s**t of PAP tests. And it doesn't help when people say that cancer is worse than having a PAP test. I KNOW that, and I'm scared s**t of cancer as well, but at the moment I'm avoidant of PAP tests while hoping and praying that I don't ever get cancer down there.



I’m not a virgin but I used to clench and once I bled when getting Pap smear because the drs office was so bloody cold. But as they say when you go to get a leg wax have a couple of Panadol before hand and maybe that’ll help. Or some lavender helps. Make sure you’re warm enough cause I know that cold creepy hands and the jelly makes me go ekk. I’m really sensitive to temperature I totally shut down when I’m too cold.



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 6:06 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
OP, I don't think getting pregnant would be a good idea if you still have such a difficulty having a PAP test. I think your body is guiding you against getting pregnant and Nature often knows better (from its own perspective of species' survival ;) ) Pregnancy may be too risky personally to you.


I know that, but then I get jealous of my cousins for getting pregnant and having babies. One cousin in particular, the one I compare myself to the most, is going to announce that she's pregnant at any time now, and I keep really secretly hoping that she'll change her mind and decide not to have one (she's 32). I can't explain why, I just can't imagine her having a kid is all, but like I said I can't describe why exactly.



That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 6:07 am

magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.



Grass is always greener. Can’t say I’ve ever felt jealous of a woman with babies.



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 6:10 am

Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.


I know, I do have a habit of comparing myself to my peers, I have done ever since I was a child and I don't know how to stop. I get jealous and feel like a hopeless loser compared to them.



Quality over quantity. Just cause people go through life ticking all the common milestones doesn’t mean their happy, some just do it to keep up with everyone else, or because they feel they have to and just thought it’s a natural sequence of events they don’t particularly want to but they feel they have to and never really considered well hang on. What if I just don’t? Would I be miserable? Just cause someone else does it does that mean that will make me happy? Other people love soccer and I hate playing it. Other people love spicy food and I hate it. Other people love tea and I hate it. So then why the hell would I think that what they do would make me happy?



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 6:11 am

Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.


I know, I do have a habit of comparing myself to my peers, I have done ever since I was a child and I don't know how to stop. I get jealous and feel like a hopeless loser compared to them.



Having children doesn’t make someone less of a hopeless loser. Some people’s kids are a nightmare.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 6:13 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.


I know, I do have a habit of comparing myself to my peers, I have done ever since I was a child and I don't know how to stop. I get jealous and feel like a hopeless loser compared to them.



Having children doesn’t make someone less of a hopeless loser. Some people’s kids are a nightmare.



Children are a chore. And if you don’t have them with a man you like,respect and love them it’s legal slavery.



Itendswithmexx
Velociraptor
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28 Oct 2021, 6:16 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.


I know, I do have a habit of comparing myself to my peers, I have done ever since I was a child and I don't know how to stop. I get jealous and feel like a hopeless loser compared to them.



Having children doesn’t make someone less of a hopeless loser. Some people’s kids are a nightmare.



It’s an extra plate to wash, an extra load of washing, more stress and there’s no guarantee that’ll they love you and they could end up like your ex or they could try and kill you. They loud, expensive, a constant worry. Argh and if you get divorced then when you start hating your ex husband you’ll start hating your kid. It’s totally f****d. You’ll get angry that you have to work a job you hate just to care for a kid to a man that you hate.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 6:17 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Comparing ourselves to others is practically never healthy and it's particularily strong source of problems for neurodiverse people.

Each of us is unique. It's not bad, it's beautiful :heart: and healthy for the humanity as a whole.


I know, I do have a habit of comparing myself to my peers, I have done ever since I was a child and I don't know how to stop. I get jealous and feel like a hopeless loser compared to them.



Having children doesn’t make someone less of a hopeless loser. Some people’s kids are a nightmare.

Get a dog. They’ll eat you when you’re dead.aka they won’t try to kill you faster just to eat you.



Joe90
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28 Oct 2021, 6:26 am

Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


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Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 6:32 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.



I think you seem to have a well established hatred for your cousin. Well they can’t go clubbing in the day. What’s so wrong with her job? If she’s getting on in years then maybe it’s her time to have a baby and no one is stopping you from getting pregnant. Probably should try to confront her about this - it’s not fair to the baby. But many parents are irresponsible and have babies for the wrong reasons all the time and the world hasent ended yet.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 6:33 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.



I think you seem to have a well established hatred for your cousin. Well they can’t go clubbing in the day. What’s so wrong with her job? If she’s getting on in years then maybe it’s her time to have a baby and no one is stopping you from getting pregnant. Probably should try to confront her about this - it’s not fair to the baby. But many parents are irresponsible and have babies for the wrong reasons all the time and the world hasent ended yet. But yah who gets pregnant out of wedlock? Does she understand or have the capacity to understand how hard it is to raise a baby on crumbs?



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 6:34 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


Eh it’s not about being nice. It’s about hating people for invalid reasons. Jealousy is so ugly.



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28 Oct 2021, 8:31 am

babybird wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
This isn't a "who has it worse?" discussion, it's about all men, whichever neurology, when it comes to babies.

Men don't have to go through all the pain, discomfort and uncertainty of carrying the baby or giving birth. They can just enjoy their baby when it arrives.

If I was a guy and I was in a stable relationship, I would be a dad by now. But because I'm a woman, my fears and anxieties are too overwhelming and hold me back from having children. I can't even have a PAP test without crying out in sheer agony, so god only knows how painful it will be to get a baby's head out of there. I'd probably die from shock of the pain.

I once saw a meme that I really related to. It said something like
"I want a baby but I don't want to go through all the pregnancy and birth, but I don't want to adopt either, can you see my predicament?"
"Basically you want to be a father."


And that meme is 100% relatable for me.

Why can't humans lay eggs that come out when in a size that's small enough to pass without much pain, and then they hatch when ready? So many things can go wrong during a human pregnancy, and some complications can be life-threatening.


The problem with laying an egg is who would sit on it until it hatched?


You're a little hatchling; shouldn't you know? :D

Jokes aside, I've heard that at least with some birds, both the mother and the father take turns guarding and warming the egg. If humans could lay eggs, we could do the same. Plus perhaps have a law that the parent who doesn't do their fair share of egg guarding will lose all rights regarding the egg and what hatches from it.



Joe90
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28 Oct 2021, 8:52 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


Eh it’s not about being nice. It’s about hating people for invalid reasons. Jealousy is so ugly.


I never said I hated my cousin. I'm just insecure because I'm lumbered with this f*****g autism s**t and no-one else is, and she should be autistic because her mother is a possible Aspie and both my parents are neurotypicals. f**k autism.


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Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)