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babybird
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28 Oct 2021, 10:57 am

Joe90 wrote:
This isn't a "who has it worse?" discussion, it's about all men, whichever neurology, when it comes to babies.

Men don't have to go through all the pain, discomfort and uncertainty of carrying the baby or giving birth. They can just enjoy their baby when it arrives.

If I was a guy and I was in a stable relationship, I would be a dad by now. But because I'm a woman, my fears and anxieties are too overwhelming and hold me back from having children. I can't even have a PAP test without crying out in sheer agony, so god only knows how painful it will be to get a baby's head out of there. I'd probably die from shock of the pain.

I once saw a meme that I really related to. It said something like
"I want a baby but I don't want to go through all the pregnancy and birth, but I don't want to adopt either, can you see my predicament?"
"Basically you want to be a father."


And that meme is 100% relatable for me.

Why can't humans lay eggs that come out when in a size that's small enough to pass without much pain, and then they hatch when ready? So many things can go wrong during a human pregnancy, and some complications can be life-threatening.


I had a good pregnancy and quite an easy labour as well. I think I was quite lucky. I hear some horror stories about what women go through to give birth but I just can't relate to them.

I was 19 years old and about 7 stone (I didn't even look pregnant). I can remember going into contractions at about 5am and I just lay there in bed (I knew what it was straight away). I took my time to get up but I didn't even tell anyone that it had started until the afternoon time. I just figured that it would be hours until the baby comes and I don't want any fuss. Every time a contraction came a can just remember trying to ride it out so no one knew. Then it just got too much to hide. I went into the maternity ward at about 6pm. I had a bit of gas and air and a tiny bit of pethidine. I actually fell asleep and when I woke up there was a male midwife at my side watching me (I always remember him because I had never heard of a male midwife before). Then I can remember being told to push so I did push. The pushing was the hardest part because you're obviously trying to push something out that is quite a bit bigger than the hole (skews the crudeness). And then at just after 5am there she was all pink and lovely. So I was in labour for about 24 hours. The pain wasn't as bad as the pushing. I think that's the hardest part. The pain for me was like a period pain but kind of amplified. Those are the contractions. But then once the baby comes you forget about all that because you've made something really cool and beautiful.

Oh yeah and she weighed 7lb 14oz when she came out so she was massive in considering I hardly looked pregnant. The midwife said that she must have been hiding. They also said something about there not being a lot of water as well. Not sure how true this was but they had to pop my waters for me as they didn't break on their own.



SharonB
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28 Oct 2021, 7:14 pm

I totally would adopt to avoid pregnancy and early years which are very fluid intensive and one will gag and nearly vomit more often than not those years. I don't say this flippantly. I wasn't sure I could bear a child so I fostered an elementary-aged child. We all bonded and I look forward to meeting him again one day. If he hadn't been in a large sibling group we might have adopted him. If you already commented about your perspective on this issue, sorry I missed it.

On the other hand, my mother and sister had no morning sickness for their pregnancies. Perhaps your family has a similar history? In that case, set your worries aside more so than not. That said, I had tons of nausea in part or fully b/c my husband's from a third-world country (there are studies to support this --- my sister-in-laws were so sick also, but of course my sister's SILs were fine and well as my mom's sisters -who all married within their first-world country).

So sorry about your cousin. I hope her likely child is well cared for by a competent person. If not, I suggest the irony that there could be a (her) child for you in the future.

My BFF chose not to have children, and I almost did not have children... and that's ok also, but there is grief. Even if a woman chooses not to have a child (given typical circumstances within her control), many go through that grief. Maybe what you are doing now is grieving, or else are you ready to take action? or pause and hold -I know you have a lot going on in your life right now. :heart:



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 9:29 pm

SharonB wrote:
I totally would adopt to avoid pregnancy and early years which are very fluid intensive and one will gag and nearly vomit more often than not those years. I don't say this flippantly. I wasn't sure I could bear a child so I fostered an elementary-aged child. We all bonded and I look forward to meeting him again one day. If he hadn't been in a large sibling group we might have adopted him. If you already commented about your perspective on this issue, sorry I missed it.

On the other hand, my mother and sister had no morning sickness for their pregnancies. Perhaps your family has a similar history? In that case, set your worries aside more so than not. That said, I had tons of nausea in part or fully b/c my husband's from a third-world country (there are studies to support this --- my sister-in-laws were so sick also, but of course my sister's SILs were fine and well as my mom's sisters -who all married within their first-world country).

So sorry about your cousin. I hope her likely child is well cared for by a competent person. If not, I suggest the irony that there could be a (her) child for you in the future.

My BFF chose not to have children, and I almost did not have children... and that's ok also, but there is grief. Even if a woman chooses not to have a child (given typical circumstances within her control), many go through that grief. Maybe what you are doing now is grieving, or else are you ready to take action? or pause and hold -I know you have a lot going on in your life right now. :heart:



Uh how long did you foster a kid for? Why not be a family day care provider make good money to do f**k all.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 9:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
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That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


Eh it’s not about being nice. It’s about hating people for invalid reasons. Jealousy is so ugly.


I never said I hated my cousin. I'm just insecure because I'm lumbered with this f*****g autism s**t and no-one else is, and she should be autistic because her mother is a possible Aspie and both my parents are neurotypicals. f**k autism.



The fact that you don’t speak very nice of kinda indicates that you don’t like her very much. And I think it’s hard to like people when you’re jealous of them. Does jealousy after a while turn to anger? Hard to like someone when you’re angry at them, and you’re own life. Yah heaps of people have autism. They just haven’t been diagnosed. I reckon it’s as common are brown eyes. Just not as visible and obvious as brown eyes. Yah well it can skip people or maybe she has it but it’s mild? Maybe she has issues that affect her iq. Everyone has their own challenges. Just depends on how much it affects you’re ability to survive.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 9:36 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Itendswithmexx wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


Eh it’s not about being nice. It’s about hating people for invalid reasons. Jealousy is so ugly.


I never said I hated my cousin. I'm just insecure because I'm lumbered with this f*****g autism s**t and no-one else is, and she should be autistic because her mother is a possible Aspie and both my parents are neurotypicals. f**k autism.



Why are you insecure and about what?



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 9:38 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
That’s not very nice to hope that she wouldn’t have kids just cause you’re jealous. Should be happy for her. Why shouldn’t she have kids if she’s able and willing to ?


Yes well why do I need to be nice all the time? Anyway she doesn't know how I feel about her anyway. I'm not stopping her. I just know that I'll probably have a mini breakdown if and when she announces she's pregnant, then when I'm over it I'll just have to be all happy for her. Her plan is only to have a brat so that she can claim child benefits and not have to go to work, but have her mother there to look after it so that she and her boyfriend can go out to their gigs and clubs and drinking that they love doing. I can definitely see that happening, because I know my cousin more than anyone here does.


Tbh the fact that you’re filled with so much immature, hatred and inability to help yourself kinda makes me hope that you don’t have kids. Kids need someone whose secure,happy and not someone who will easily bully and abuse. Kids are very vulnerable.



lostonearth35
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28 Oct 2021, 9:41 pm

Also people think women can't be funny. As in they can't be professional comedians without failing miserably at it. I know that's wrong. People can't be funny at all anymore these days, male or female. Like it or not, most comedy in western society is based on political incorrectness, but now you can't make fun of anything without triggering the snowflakes.



Itendswithmexx
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28 Oct 2021, 10:05 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
Also people think women can't be funny. As in they can't be professional comedians without failing miserably at it. I know that's wrong. People can't be funny at all anymore these days, male or female. Like it or not, most comedy in western society is based on political incorrectness, but now you can't make fun of anything without triggering the snowflakes.


Fun of what? Generalise ? That’s a bit sexist and a stereotype though... I know heaps of female doctors gender doesn’t stop anyone from doing or being anything. It all comes down to opinion and brain washing.

That’s kinda simplistic though ain’t it? Oh you can’t be .... because you have a womb. National valvet? Cuts her hair just so she can ride a horse lol The old Thinking that women can’t be comedians or aren’t funny? Humour comes down to an opinion, everyone finds different things funny. Some people never laugh.

I think being a comedian would be tough so would be a model. Much easier to generate money in a career with a stable high growth like nursing you don’t even need to apply for jobs they give you a job half way through your placement.


And what about about — lucile ball? Joan rivers? Uhhhh I don’t know many other comedian ladies.. bit of a gamble of a career tbh.

I remember reading somewhere that women weren’t funny because they didn’t try due to fear of failure. Men succeed cause when they fail they don’t give a f**k.



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28 Oct 2021, 10:54 pm

Quote:
Tbh the fact that you’re filled with so much immature, hatred and inability to help yourself kinda makes me hope that you don’t have kids. Kids need someone whose secure,happy and not someone who will easily bully and abuse. Kids are very vulnerable.


So I'm a bully am I? I've never bullied in my life. My mum is ill from terminal cancer and you think I'm f*****g immature for having insecure feelings about my life right now.

You've just confirmed that I'm a horrible, bad person. Now I feel even worse about myself.


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babybird
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29 Oct 2021, 1:20 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
Tbh the fact that you’re filled with so much immature, hatred and inability to help yourself kinda makes me hope that you don’t have kids. Kids need someone whose secure,happy and not someone who will easily bully and abuse. Kids are very vulnerable.


So I'm a bully am I? I've never bullied in my life. My mum is ill from terminal cancer and you think I'm f*****g immature for having insecure feelings about my life right now.

You've just confirmed that I'm a horrible, bad person. Now I feel even worse about myself.


Don't feel bad Joe.



babybird
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29 Oct 2021, 1:21 am

Itendswithmexx wrote:
Fun of what? Generalise ? That’s a bit sexist and a stereotype though... I know heaps of female doctors gender doesn’t stop anyone from doing or being anything. It all comes down to opinion and brain washing.

That’s kinda simplistic though ain’t it? Oh you can’t be .... because you have a womb. National valvet? Cuts her hair just so she can ride a horse lol The old Thinking that women can’t be comedians or aren’t funny? Humour comes down to an opinion, everyone finds different things funny. Some people never laugh.

I think being a comedian would be tough so would be a model. Much easier to generate money in a career with a stable high growth like nursing you don’t even need to apply for jobs they give you a job half way through your placement.


And what about about — lucile ball? Joan rivers? Uhhhh I don’t know many other comedian ladies.. bit of a gamble of a career tbh.


You're funny. You're like something out of the f*****g Beano.



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29 Oct 2021, 2:12 am

Joe90, are you pregnant?


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29 Oct 2021, 5:18 am

 ! magz wrote:
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I remind everyone that personal attacks - which include judgemental comments about one's feelings - are forbidden on WrongPlanet.net.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2021, 6:38 am

Joe90…..stop listening to every schmuck on the Internet. You listen to people who don’t know you from Eve.



StickBugette
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29 Oct 2021, 8:41 am

Joe90 ... don't believe the haters.
It's totally normal and expected to feel jealousy. It's an emotion, you don't control it. You are allowed to feel it and can't stop feeling it anyway even if you wanted to. People who say otherwise are just stuffing their emotions and denying their true feelings even to themselves. Now of course, you still control your actions. If I'm jealous of my friend's hot boyfriend, I can't kidnap him or something. But everyone feels jealous sometimes! It just means you're not a robot



Itendswithmexx
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29 Oct 2021, 10:15 am

StickBugette wrote:
Joe90 ... don't believe the haters.
It's totally normal and expected to feel jealousy. It's an emotion, you don't control it. You are allowed to feel it and can't stop feeling it anyway even if you wanted to. People who say otherwise are just stuffing their emotions and denying their true feelings even to themselves. Now of course, you still control your actions. If I'm jealous of my friend's hot boyfriend, I can't kidnap him or something. But everyone feels jealous sometimes! It just means you're not a robot



Yah uh you have to control your emotions or men would be raping women on the street.