Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Cantrix_H
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 24 Sep 2022
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Michigan

24 Sep 2022, 4:33 pm

Can anyone speak to how they’ve coped with parenting with ASD, especially as relates to sensory sensitivity? The great majority of the time when I try to spend time with my kids (8 and 2), I get such a steady stream of sensory overload that after about 2 hours I end up barking at the kids, collapsing in tears, and holing up in my bedroom for the next day or so that it takes me to recover. I end up avoiding my family a lot, and I feel horribly guilty and useless about it. My husband picks up a ton of slack, so the kids aren’t neglected, and my life would feel even more pointless if I weren’t with them, but the noise, clutter, constant interruptions and general chaos drive me literally crazy. Has anyone figured out how to deal with this, or can at least commiserate?



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,394
Location: Cardiff, Wales

24 Sep 2022, 6:00 pm

I can't relate to that because don't have sensory issues like that.
If interruptions are a problem are you doing something like watching TV?

I don't like noise like babies crying but the noises a two year old would make are not bad?
Unless you mean one of them is shouting or something?



Cantrix_H
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 24 Sep 2022
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2
Location: Michigan

25 Sep 2022, 6:46 am

I don’t watch tv because it’s also too much stimulation. The interruptions are of anything I’m trying to do: cleaning, bookkeeping, reading, cooking… anything that takes an iota of focus, they want my attention for something, and then it’s like I have to start all back over getting back into my train of thought. I don’t want them to think they’re unimportant, but I sure wish at least the eight-year-old would evaluate if she really needs to interrupt me to tell me about the latest episode of Lion Guard…

And if I’m trying to meet any of their needs, how often do they fight me about it and pitch a fit? I think that’s pretty normal for kids, but the conflict and screeching and mess send me over the edge faster than I think they would for a NT.



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,394
Location: Cardiff, Wales

25 Sep 2022, 8:50 am

I raised a single child in the daytime for a few years so there were no conflicts with siblings. If there were I think that would have made me burn out earlier than i did.

I learnt basically that I cant hardly do anything when children of that age are around ,especially reading. But housework wasnt too bad.



chaosmos
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 19 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 167
Location: Melbourne, Australia

27 Sep 2022, 5:48 am

Cantrix_H wrote:
Can anyone speak to how they’ve coped with parenting with ASD, especially as relates to sensory sensitivity? The great majority of the time when I try to spend time with my kids (8 and 2), I get such a steady stream of sensory overload that after about 2 hours I end up barking at the kids, collapsing in tears, and holing up in my bedroom for the next day or so that it takes me to recover. I end up avoiding my family a lot, and I feel horribly guilty and useless about it. My husband picks up a ton of slack, so the kids aren’t neglected, and my life would feel even more pointless if I weren’t with them, but the noise, clutter, constant interruptions and general chaos drive me literally crazy. Has anyone figured out how to deal with this, or can at least commiserate?


I feel you Cantrix.
Parenting on the spectrum is really, really tricky. I don’t suffer the same degree of sensory overload as you. I don’t need to withdraw for a day after. I do, however, experience irritability and I come across as pretty abrupt and controlling when I’ve had too much ‘kid-time’. My step children are older, but I find I actively avoid spending time with them by immersing myself in jobs that appear important. I then really hate being interrupted and struggle with that classic ‘aspie’ mind switching between tasks.

I don’t have a solution. Some years of parenting are harder than others. Teaching kids to be self reliant and resilient is my go to so they bother me less.

As for feeling guilty, maybe it would be better to factor in regular alone time so the kids are prepared, aware, and know that they go to dad in that time? You get an hour or so alone to do your own thing and then maybe you’ll feel more capable to engage.

Hope this helps.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,124
Location: England

06 Oct 2022, 5:43 am

I can relate to you as I have been a stay at home mum for 16 years. It wasn't meant to be like this but we tried part time jobs/ part time parenting and just ended up running in and out all the time. 'Hi!' 'Bye!' 'Hi! What does the baby need? Bye!'

My husband or I would run in from a day job, have a quick chat, then the other would run out to an evening job. Many times I nearly fell asleep at the wheel driving to the evening job, having been on duty with our daughter all day. So when his job was made full time and mine came to an end, he became the 'worker' and I became the 'full time mum.'

I made the mistake of moving to a new area where I knew no one, then having a baby. So I was alone at home in a small village with no car, no money, no friends. And then my daughter became very ill for 5 years. She is better now, they found out what it was eventually.

I nearly went insane. It was like a treadmill 24/7- cleaning up, feeding, washing, entertaining all alone.

I didn't make any friends, all the mums were super competitive and I guess they marked me out as 'the weirdo' because no one really wanted to socialise with us.

All this was on top of a horrific pregnancy where I was so ill I had to give up my job, car, life. I had about 2 visits from friends during the 9 months.

Anyway, I just had to wait for my daughter to grow up til I got time to myself, peace and quiet. She is pretty healthy now too thank god. I'm just getting over the nightmares of having to rush her to hospital so many times.

It wasn't a fun time.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.