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DorothyofOz
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Sep 2021
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4

10 Jan 2022, 3:46 pm

Hi all,
I figured out I am autistic right after having my first child (because I was struggling with the lack of alone time, the sensory issues, and having trouble making mom friends). Have many of you had similar experiences?



arianekh
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 9 Jan 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: London

24 Jan 2022, 10:47 am

DorothyofOz wrote:
Hi all,
I figured out I am autistic right after having my first child (because I was struggling with the lack of alone time, the sensory issues, and having trouble making mom friends). Have many of you had similar experiences?


Yes, yes and yes. I've had 2 boys and 2 very different experiences, but at the core of both, lack of alone time, interruptions, no friends and a LOT of noise.

Boy 1, I was trapped in the continuous demand, feeding, changing, it just grated on me. I tried to do something with my maternity break from work but couldn't. For that period I couldn't think for more than an hour before the next interruption. It was so loud and I had no opportunity to process anything. I tried to breastfeed but failed. I tried making NCT friends, but after a while found that they were meeting up without me and got gradually pushed out of the group. I spent a lot of time crying and eventually went into a sort of autopilot mode for a long time.

Why I decided to do it again is beyond me, But 4 years later boy 2 came along. That time around it was immeasurably better because I knew what to expect and put coping mechanisms in place ahead of time. First I didn't stress about breastfeeding, I just let him use me as a dummy whilst I watched netflix. I ended up feeding him for nearly 4 years in the end. Then I didn't try to do anything during maternity, I just let my brain veg out and read books every now and again. Then finally I negotiated time with my husband when I could just go into a forest and sit for hours in absolute silence. And as for the friends' thing... well, I still haven't quite solved that one!

I stuck at it, not through love or a maternal instinct, but because of my late mother. She clearly had challenges with aspergers like me, but she became her disorder, she let it consume her. She didn't talk to me, or try in any way and it was just awful. So whilst I'm not going to be winning any mum of the year awards, I do try to work within the bounds of my autism to connect with my children, even if that means hyperfocussing on research articles about breastfeeding, which is just my way of being a mum.

So yes, it's loud and harsh with little time to hyperfocus or process. But I would say looking back that it is also brief. The phases pass so quickly. So whatever the current challenge, it does improve.


_________________
Officially diagnosed - Asperger syndrome, ASD, HFA
AQ 45 out of 50
EQ 2 out of 80
https://psychology-tools.com/