Page 1 of 12 [ 179 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 12  Next

Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,331
Location: UK

16 Jan 2022, 9:27 pm

How do men manage to not cry much?

Sometimes when a guy at work is being yelled at or humiliated, I expect them to get emotional like most women would, but they just carry on their business with no hint of emotion. And I don't think they're just hiding it, I think it must be wired in most men to actually rarely get emotional.
As a woman, no matter how hard I try to fight emotions, they still come pouring out before I can stop them (I'm talking about tears). When I feel tearfulness coming on I do everything in my power to stop the tears, like telling myself I'm OK, focusing on other thoughts, even smiling or trying to laugh to myself, but the tears still start leaking from my eyes and then I'm crying.

I've never seen my boyfriend cry. He says he doesn't remember the last time he cried, but it was a long time ago, but he's nowhere near a psychopath. He actually has more empathy than the average NT male.

So I just don't know how men do it. Also they don't seem to cry when other people are crying. They're just like "what's up?" or sometimes even completely detached. How do guys manage to go through life without getting that overwhelming urge to burst into tears at small things? Sometimes I wish I was a man, so that I can toughen out emotional situations and just take everything with a punch of salt.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,958
Location: I'm right here

16 Jan 2022, 9:35 pm

If you're always surrounded by the message that crying is an unthinkable display of weakness and utterly unacceptable it will eventually deaden that response.

I remember the last time I cried until I was well into adulthood. I was more bothered by the fact that I cried than that someone I viewed as my best friend beat me up basically out of boredom.


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


theprisoner
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,431
Location: Britain

16 Jan 2022, 9:38 pm

Less mirror neurons. Neurolasticity development that inhibits emotional expression due to social conditioning factors. Selective Empathy. Testosterone. Masculine mindset that reinforces dimorphic attitudes. Faulty tearducts. Mechanical object focused psychology, averse to social interpersonal displays of empathy. Macho pride. Never bow down, never show weakness, NEVER CRY! "big boys Don't cry."

With all that said. It's actually quite easy.


_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)


txfz1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2021
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,411
Location: US

16 Jan 2022, 10:25 pm

I dunno if it worked or not but I tried leaking during a movie date, I got laid, so there is that.

Last big childhood cry was seventh grade, I switched schools and first day in PE gym class, I somehow ended up fighting another kid. I remember the fight and then we were both standing in front of the coach, the whole class was outside looking thru the big window, it was a river flowing and I was fighting the sobs. No clue what started it, thinking back it could have been a fight shutdown. He also said he didn't know what started the fight.

I cry alone, not a big cry but a couple tears and a sob or two, then I'm good to go.



Last edited by txfz1 on 16 Jan 2022, 10:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

theprisoner
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,431
Location: Britain

16 Jan 2022, 10:29 pm

The only things i can think of that can make me teary are; Bereavements, Tragic movies, Onions and Beethoven symphonies


_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,993

16 Jan 2022, 10:30 pm

According to some psychologists, men have significantly lower levels of prolactin (hormone related to emotional tears) as compared to women. There is also the cultural reason, that societal stereotypes discourage men to weep.

Probably a combination.



1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 636
Location: Tokyo

16 Jan 2022, 11:10 pm

Quote:
How do guys manage to go through life without getting that overwhelming urge to burst into tears at small things?

This might sound like the classical "wants to fix things, doesn't understand how to empathize", but if something bad happens to me, especially if it's small, what is crying going to solve? Better just take it in stride and get to the root of the problem and fix it if it can be fixed, or philosophically accept it if it can't.

I haven't cried since last summer, when I first felt our baby kicking in my wife's tummy. Last time I had that sensation was when my mother was pregnant with my younger brother some 24 years ago, so I guess I cried out of happiness and nostalgia this time.

Men can be intensely emotional but we mostly keep it inside ourselves. Unless it's accepted "manly" emotions like the rage driving a player to hit his opponent in the head with a hockey stick during power play. :twisted:



Velorum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2020
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,270
Location: UK

17 Jan 2022, 2:23 am

I am prone to 'hyper-empathy' and if I don't maintain a barrier and control my emotions I become overwhelmed by others strong emotional states. This is why I prefer to interact with emotionally contained people - I dont have to work as hard. I regard this more as relating to my autism than being male.

The worst thing for me is anger - I feel traumatised if I become angry and it takes me a long time to recover. Fortunately it doesnt happen very often. I carefully avoid people who have anger issues whenever I can.


_________________
Autistic member of the neurodivergent community


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,471

17 Jan 2022, 5:28 am

I don't know if there are biological differences between men and women when it comes to crying, but I know there are cultural ones. At least in Western cultures, it's more acceptable for women to cry than men, so men are likelier to put much more effort in to learning how to hold back tears, kinda like women are expected to not show anger and thus many learn to hold it in.

That said, one can learn to not start crying as easily. I cry a lot, maybe, not sure how much average adult cries, but I've learned to control it quite well and can usually keep tears at bay until I'm alone in a suitable enviroment.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,954
Location: Queens, NYC

17 Jan 2022, 9:54 am

I’d rather try to fix things than get all emotional about things.

It’s frustrating when I can’t fix things right away. I guess I need more patience.

I don’t like to obsess about my problems; this tends to make them worse.

I don’t like to cry in front of people.

The female crying, males not crying thing is probably societal, mostly.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,958
Location: I'm right here

17 Jan 2022, 10:10 am

1986 wrote:
Unless it's accepted "manly" emotions like the rage driving a player to hit his opponent in the head with a hockey stick during power play. :twisted:


Doesn't that just make your team grumpy that you cost them the advantage? 8)


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 57,023
Location: Stendec

17 Jan 2022, 10:12 am

Joe90 wrote:
How do men manage to not cry much? . . .
The others can cite all the psychological theories and do all the virtue-signaling they want; but for me, it all comes down to one simple fact of male life: No one wants to see a boy or a man cry. 

We are discouraged from crying since boyhood, and then insulted if we cry anyway -- we get compared to babies, girls, and puppies; we are called "queer", "too sensitive", and "weak"; and we are threatened with slappings, spankings, and banishments to the basement if we do not stop crying.

Eventually, we grow up incapable of outward displays of emotion, thus short-circuiting any healthy relationships we might have otherwise.  Some of us turn to drugs, alcohol, and violence; some of us remain stoic and unresponsive; most of us go through a series of broken relationships; the lucky ones eventually meet special people who let us know they will not judge us for crying, and we finally get to grow up.



firemonkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,335
Location: Calne,England

17 Jan 2022, 10:35 am

I get the urge to cry, but more times than not the tears don't flow.



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 51,124

17 Jan 2022, 11:26 am

I'm a woman and I don't cry easily. I went years without shedding a tear just like most men. For some reason in the past few months I've been crying quite easily. It's nice to have that outlet again.



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,037
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

17 Jan 2022, 4:40 pm

Social expectations around men in general. And are not socially trained to read onto things that women generally do or have to do.


Add some biological differences -- from neurology to hormonal interactions to appearances.

Easier to regulate, easier to regulate reactions and behaviors, easier to master and easier to be consistent with it.


This doesn't mean men had it easier.



In my own case I only cry if I really cared enough, if I opened that damn gap a little...

Or else would not be easy to.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,993

17 Jan 2022, 5:15 pm

The only thing that makes me cry is music