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Fnord
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27 Jul 2022, 9:58 am

Well, that is you -- a rare exception to the "rule".

(I have to admit that my wife is also such an exception, but I rarely shed tears in front of her so as not to upset her.)



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27 Jul 2022, 10:02 am

Sometimes women could feel like they’d make the situation worse. Due to toxic cultural norms, they could fear that reacting in a sympathetic manner could make the guy feel emasculated because it would be recognizing supposed weakness. I do NOT view the expression of emotion as a sign of weakness but, rather, a sign of strength. (It’s generally a given that women can cry because they are the supposed “weaker sex.”)

There’s no excuse for responding with harsh statements, though. Some people just lack empathy.


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Fnord
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27 Jul 2022, 10:09 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
There’s no excuse for responding with harsh statements, though. Some people just lack empathy.
:shrug: I grew up in the toxic male-dominated culture of lower Michigan during the 1960s and 1970s.  The kind of behavior I witnessed there seems to be the dominant culture everywhere I have lived in America.  Canada is better, and the Philippines are even better than that.

I doubt that people actually lack empathy; it seems more like they have all been trained to suppress it.



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27 Jul 2022, 10:14 am

Fnord wrote:
I doubt that people actually lack empathy; it seems more like they have all been trained to suppress it.


That sounds probable.


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27 Jul 2022, 10:06 pm

I told my son it was ok to cry.I would never mock or belittle him for it.


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27 Jul 2022, 10:56 pm

I don't cry in public. I refuse to cry in public. I want to be seen as masculine and I don't want to be misgendered. I cry when I'm alone and there's no one to see me.


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Twilightprincess
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28 Jul 2022, 12:47 pm

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Researchers note that, on average, American women cry 3.5 times each month, while American men cry about 1.9 times each month.


https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is- ... 1030122020

I’m shocked by those numbers. I didn’t think people cried that much. I haven’t cried in months, not since March, I think.


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28 Jul 2022, 6:44 pm

if i laughed less, i'd cry more. what a world. music almost never fails to turn on my waterworks.



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28 Jul 2022, 10:32 pm

I should probably cry more. It could be good for me.


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SharonB
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28 Jul 2022, 11:45 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Quote:
Researchers note that, on average, American women cry 3.5 times each month, while American men cry about 1.9 times each month.


https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is- ... 1030122020

I’m shocked by those numbers. I didn’t think people cried that much. I haven’t cried in months, not since March, I think.

Right? My allistic sister called me up recently and said she had been crying on and off all week. Huh, I thought. I tend to just do numbness, anger or non-tears despair. Since I've experienced significant losses, I have this sense that I would feel better if I (had) cried more. Even today I received some triggering news and wanted a release... thought to cry... didn't. Maybe I can find another to process it. I definitely have tightness in my throat. But I tell myself (as I was told as a child) that it's no big deal. But 100% invalidation is unhelpful. Self-compassion anyone?



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28 Jul 2022, 11:46 pm

I cry when people are especially kind. Sarcasm: Thankfully that's not often.



Twilightprincess
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29 Jul 2022, 12:12 am

SharonB wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Quote:
Researchers note that, on average, American women cry 3.5 times each month, while American men cry about 1.9 times each month.


https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is- ... 1030122020

I’m shocked by those numbers. I didn’t think people cried that much. I haven’t cried in months, not since March, I think.

Right? My allistic sister called me up recently and said she had been crying on and off all week. Huh, I thought. I tend to just do numbness, anger or non-tears despair.


Yeah, that’s pretty much what I do.

I was also discouraged from expressing emotion when I was a kid.


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29 Jul 2022, 12:17 am

SharonB wrote:
I cry when people are especially kind. Sarcasm: Thankfully that's not often.


That happened to me once. I was at such a low point at the time that just basic human decency felt earth-shattering.


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29 Jul 2022, 5:49 am

Was taught ingrained numbness, as a child ..but that was just bad upbringings. Now , I have less of an excuse .
But the hits just kept coming . So all I could do it seemed was fall back on numbness..
But recently out of no where someone helped me out with some smaller stuff . It did make me cry .
Human decency sometimes just seems to show up out of nowhere . After being so jaded on the topic ……
Almost ended up thinking there had to be a catch , to that situation . It seemed like a blessing , and there was no catch ! (? This time?)???


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29 Jul 2022, 6:20 pm

auntblabby wrote:
if i laughed less, i'd cry more. what a world. music almost never fails to turn on my waterworks.


If I try to sing a hymn at a funeral, I totally lose my ability to make a sound. Everything in my throat tenses up and the tears just flow, regardless of how composed I was or how at-ease I may have been feeling just seconds before.

I recently told my husband that I will simply not try to sing a hymn at a funeral ever again. It's just pointless, and it escapes me why anyone thought it was a good idea in the first place!



auntblabby
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29 Jul 2022, 7:58 pm

KimD wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
if i laughed less, i'd cry more. what a world. music almost never fails to turn on my waterworks.


If I try to sing a hymn at a funeral, I totally lose my ability to make a sound. Everything in my throat tenses up and the tears just flow, regardless of how composed I was or how at-ease I may have been feeling just seconds before.

I recently told my husband that I will simply not try to sing a hymn at a funeral ever again. It's just pointless, and it escapes me why anyone thought it was a good idea in the first place!

at least you can take some cold comfort from the fact that many people would not be able to do what you had trouble doing. i mean, how does one keep one's composure in a situation like that?