Does it sound like I'll be okay? What should I do?

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Autistinonymous
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16 Oct 2021, 8:14 pm

I have autism. I was diagnosed in second grade because I had not very many friends, was obsessed with aquarium fish, and had bad crushes on teachers where I would throw tantrums and treated to kill them alot and cry when they weren't there. I have every bad attention skills and can't handle stress very well. I spent most of my childhood rocking back and fourth on my bed fantasizing about my crushes on women and teachers I've had crushes on in the past. I have alot of violent thoughts. Had a bad childhood. My parents were mean to me because of wetting the bed, bad grades, me not having alot of friends, how I'd act at school, how I'd make weird movements alot and my cousin who was like my only friend in my childhood sexually abusing my sister. I got on Social Security when I was 18 and started a job at Charlie's Philly Steak and worked part time. The woman would always complain about me not sorting the food into the containers fast enough so she stopped calling me in after a while. So then I got a job at Burger King and worked part time. People would complain about me not being fast there and would say that I use my disability as an excuse for everything. Though some people had my back and called these people out. My boss had me do the bacon mostly. A year later in summer 2019 my mom and her boyfriend convinced me to try to work full time at this factory shop he's a manager for and just opened up. I worked what he said would be something that wouldn't have to be taxed for about 2 months and it started out easy at first. He wanted to see what I'd be good at before he hired me.. I felt like working this way could get me in trouble as I still feel like it could come back and bite me and have extremely intense fear about it. I brought it up with the caseworker and he said the worst they'd do is make me pay it back if they found out and might owe taxes. My mom harassed me to try to go full time and she barely knew me my whole life. My dad and other family begged me to keep doing part time and getting social security because I don't know what I'm getting into. So then my mom and her boyfriend began to understand so I got officially hired and worked 28 hours a week starting July 2019. My doctor and my therapist believe I should work part time and not full time. I've been having weird episodes where I randomly freak out because of stress from the job. It got very busy after covid started to calm down. My family believes it's important for me to keep social security. Then just a few months ago, my mom and her bf broke up. He was supposedly abusive to her but I truly don't know who to believe. He's generally nice to me but I don't know if he's honest. I started to work 28 hours of week instead of 24 hours a week in September this year. My family and doctor recommended. My mom tells me that I should probably just not work at all and that I should really quit this job because it costs too much to have me on their payroll, it makes it look unfair to other workers that I work less and do easy work, most part time workers work 30 hours a week, I ask to be treated special too much which my mom said her boss would fire her for, and it's pointless to not work that much. Although the people seem happy to help me feel comfortable there and there's no issues with what she said really happening. Though my aunt I still work with there says they're still hiring more part time workers. What do you think I should do? I've been kinda suicidal. I am getting counseling and seeing a caseworker to help me get a low income apartment to help me live on my own for the first time.



ThisTimelessMoment
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17 Oct 2021, 12:58 am

Sounds to me like you need to concentrate on working out what works for you and paying less attention to other people. I know this is difficult. I struggle with it too, but it is really the only way to be happy. Keeping others happy is a recipe for disaster long term.


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theprisoner
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17 Oct 2021, 1:21 am

Autistinonymous wrote:
had bad crushes on teachers ...

Me too, i still remember her name...

Autistinonymous wrote:
...where I would throw tantrums and treated to kill them alot and cry when they weren't there.


okay...this is where we start 2 differ


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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2021, 2:01 am

Do you make more working, or being on SSI full-time?

In most cases, I would continue working. Is 2 more hours a week too much?

Sorry you have to feel this way at work.



Autistinonymous
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17 Oct 2021, 1:57 pm

I make about the same from both sides. The job still gives me more money than either would on its own..no one has actually ever mentioned what my mom mentioned. I asked if I could work a few hours less and they were happy to make me comfortable. My mom told me that her boss would fire her if she did that and my aunt is saying that she just wants me out of there because her ex is the manager.



SharonB
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17 Oct 2021, 4:25 pm

Ideally you could find a part-time job that fits your skills and energy profile (minimize or eliminate freak outs). Definitely use your resources, as you are doing, and continue to find more as needed. As I started adulting, life was really hard for me and I was suicidal also. I had a cousin (who also had been suicidal at my age) come and (in so many words) tell me to get through it. She was right, I am so glad I got through it: It's better on the other side. Hang in there!! ! To be safe, write down some Mental Health hotline numbers in case of an urgent need -and hopefully you won't need them. What you need will probably not manifest immediately (wait for these marshmallows -reference to psych study) but it sounds like you are on the right track. Wishing you wellness.



MaxE
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17 Oct 2021, 4:41 pm

If you like the job then keep working. If they don't want you they'll let you go. In the meantime don't worry about that happening. Nothing you've said gives me any reason to think you should quit. It's between you and your boss and no one else.


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